This has happened to me in the past. You meet a guy, he happens to be white. He is nice, sweet, awesome, cute, and everything else under the sun. He calls you asks if you want to go out, you tell him you have other plans, but to come meet up with your friends. He then asks the question, are you going to be at an all black place or more mixed place? You wonder why it matters. He tells you because he doesn't want to be the only white person with all eyes on him. He doesn't want to be a target. As if he will be automatically lynched, as if he expects you to hang out in the hood with Ray Ray and Nook Nook gang banging at the most ghetto club around.
Not cool. When I heard this response years ago, all likes went out the window. I grew up being the only black or one of few blacks the majority of my life. He didn't appear to mind when I was the only black at a place when we went on a date. The majority of places we went, I was one of a few black people. Why was he not concerned then?
I guess my concern is this: Fast forward on down the road, and you decide you are OK with him being "out of place" with black people. Can you go to a family reunion? Meet up with friends for a barbecue? Is that ok?
A question for the guys who date IR? Is this ever a concern for you? Being around majority black people on occasion?
6 comments:
I would have to say that I understand the sentiment. I don't think that I would like to constantly go out to clubs (if I did that sort of thing) and be the only brotha in the place. Every now and then is fine but to make a habit of going to the C&W clubs or the "what-ever-it-is-they're-into-now" wouldn't be too cool.
Yeah I understand that, but in this scenario, I wasn't asking the guy to go to a club, it was a restaurant in an "urban" area, that was fairly mixed. Heck I was even in mixed company, I was with four friends, two black, one white, one indian (asian). I was being a little rainbow coalition at the table. To me when he did that I assume he was being a bit scared of black people or scared black people were going to jump him for being on "their turf" or something.
If you were married to someone of another race and they had a family gathering where you know you will probably be the only person of that race there, would you go and grin and bare it; or would you make her not go or talk her out of going?
My boyfriend is white and he doesn't mind at all. He just wants to be with me. To me, that's really weird. I mean, even being the perpetual minority that I am where I live, I still feel slight discomfort at being the only black person around. So the fact that he doesn't care when he's the only white person especially since he's usually part of the majority is just strange to me :)
It doesn't sound like a big deal to me.
"I still feel slight discomfort at being the only black person around."
I rarely if ever feel that, I think I was more uncomfortable around other black folks than white people for a long time, I don't think it was until college I was ever even in a majority black setting (parties, concerts, etc.). I was only the one black, or one of few blacks. I went to a show not to long ago, where I was one of few blacks, people probably assumed we were there for my husband, but in reality, we were there for me, my husband couldn't stand the band, he just suffered for me and doesn't like me going certain places alone or with friends (I have a propensity to get drunk when around certain people and have to make the dreaded can you come get me phone call to the husband, he is truly a saint)
Aww well you're husband sounds sweet. But I know what you mean about feeling uncomfortable around black people too. I mean I feel that as well, because there is such a disconnect between my interests and the general interests of many black people my age; many people my age in general. I guess it's like, I feel like around black people I'm somewhat ostracized and around whites I'm just always some sort of token or surprise. I'm still navigating my feelings around race but people are people and it certainly varies from situation to situation
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