I can't compete
Beauty ideals in America frustrate me so. If I hear one more white woman talk about how gross Beyonce's butt is, I will scream. Seriously. If I hear someone ask why I wear my hair "that way" aka natural, I will punch them. I have accepted my fate as unattractive in America. I have learned to live with the fact I am not airbrushed, not blond, my hair will never be naturally straight, I am not petite, I have an ass and thighs, and my eyes are boring old brown.
One of the reasons I quit using relaxer was, I couldn't keep my hair straight. I was sick of not going swimming because I was nervous about my hair getting messed up and the time it would take to straighten that hair again with an evil hot iron. Worrying about the rain when coming to and from my car. Humidity making my hair frizz up. So I basically just said f*ck it, and let it grow out of my head as it came out. No painful sores on my head and the dreaded 6 to 8 week ritual of being in the beauty salon for the whole Saturday was no more.
I have decided if I can forgo relaxer, I can forgo ever looking like a Victoria Secret model. That my jeans will always fit perfect throughout the thighs, but hang loose at my waist. I will always buy a shirt a size bigger so my boobs don't appear to overflow from the shirt, but yet the shirt will fit weird and loose everywhere else.
I as a black woman can't compete with the petite frame and straight long hair of Asian women. I can't compete with the blond hair and blue eyed Europeans, and I can't compete with the long flowing hair and light skin of the Hispanic woman that is stereotypically flaunted by the media. These women who are the ideals, the ones everyone desires and everyone wants. I am black, the one group that never has the men of all races chasing after her. I am in the one group that men don't go for if you were to look at movies, television, the media in general, etc. Asian and Hispanic women are exotic. Black women are just too far off the spectrum to be considered anything more than an oddity.