Often get overlooked by girls who look like this:
I know guys are visual creatures and looks matter. I really understand that. But do the guys want the girls who show skin vs. the girls who just want to go to work or get to class everyday.
I used to be a nice girl. I figured if I had a sparkling personality (which I don't), acted somewhat normal (which I am not), and just dressed like I felt comfortable dressing, the guys would come. They didn't. I was exposed to a lot of guys, I would say back before I was married, the majority of my friends were guys. I get along with guys better. Women are insecure, too insecure, to the point they lash out at people. They talk behind your back and then start hating you for no reason. I am too sensitive for that. Guys are insecure too, but a few beers and some video games, it is all good. I am not competition to them. Of course to most of my guy friends I was like their sister, their buddy, I was in the "friend zone", which I was totally ok with, for the most part.
I remember in college my outfit of choice was baggy overalls or baggy jeans and a shirt with doc martens (it was the 90s ok). Everything was over sized and baggy. Then one day I discovered something really, really crazy, and it took a guy friend to point this out, I have really huge boobs. DDs, yeah, I will have back surgery in a few years and a lift or else I will be tucking my chest into my jeans. I think subconsciously for a long time I wore baggy things to cover up so people wouldn't notice. People notice DDs, baggy shirts or not as my friend pointed out. I decided to accentuate my assets (i.e. wore clothes that fit), put on make up, and not wear a pony tail all the time. All of the sudden I was pretty to all my friend's friends and even some of my friends thought I was all the sudden pretty because I actually looked like a girl. I got out of the friend zone with at least two friends, even though at that point they were in the friend zone with me.
The moral of the story is I had to slut it up to be noticed. At least as slutty as I could get for me, which means wearing a shirt that fits, because when I do that my boobs are very noticeable, like noticable like this:
Pretty slutty huh? For the record the butt on the chest look ain't really pretty to me, I don't understand why it is attractive to folks.
I had one friend from high school that I had a crush on from the time I met him. I was totally enamored. He wore the coolest clothes, had the coolest taste in music, we could talk for hours, and he would actually say stuff like "you are the perfect girl, why are you single?". I was wondering the same damn thing too, why was I single? Why wasn't he asking me out? This is why he wasn't asking me out. His preference was this:
I don't look anything like that, I look more like this:
Note the preference for him was a white girl who was a tall small chested girl with no thighs. I am the complete opposite.
So then I started dating another guy, we kind of started getting serious (which back then was a relationship lasting longer than a month) and to the guy I had a crush on for years finally came around and decided he wanted me. He professed his love for me and how he couldn't stand that I was with someone else. Hello!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Why didn't you say any of this when I was sitting there like an idiot lusting after you as you drool after some tall rail thin model type?
I think guys are vocal about what they lust, they aren't so vocal about what they really want. So they will talk to the girl who is a complete hottie in their eyes, but the girl they hang out with and can talk to beyond five minutes is the girl they want to wait around for them when they decide they want to settle down and want something more than sex. Girls are the same way, we go for bad boys and thugs, and then come to our senses and want the good guys later on.
I think most people want what they can't have. I wanted the guy who didn't want me, he then wanted me when I didn't want him. I think people get together finally when they can admit what they want and be vocal about it. I wanted a relationship, my husband wanted a relationship. I like tall white guys with dark hair and green or blue eyes and he likes average height (I am not short!!!) black girls with bootys. It was perfect timing and our physical preferences merging that caused us to get married. Incidentally he met me in my "slutting it up" phase and now he would kill me if I left the house with the "girls" out on display like I had them back then. The really sad thing is, he said he was more concerned about my butt than my boobs and only became a boob man because coincidentally I had boobs.
10 comments:
I have to vehemently disagree about girls always going for bad boys. Some of us NEVER did but found ourselves with pseudo-nice guys. Check out Aimee's blog where this phenomenon was covered very well. http://blackgirlshaven.blogspot.com/2007/10/rules-redux.html
Anyway, also I've never had any problem getting along with women and men exhibit plenty of "catty" backstabbing behavior. In fact, mot of my guy friends say they prefer not to hang out with guys b/c the only way they manage to keep the peace is to dumb it down by sticking to sports talk and drinking.
Regarding butts on chests, some people theorize human breasts developed to mimic buttocks.
Some zoologists (notably Desmond Morris) believe that the shape of female breasts evolved as a frontal counterpart to that of the buttocks, the reason being that whilst other primates mate in the rear-entry position, humans are more likely to successfully copulate by mating face to face, the so-called missionary position. A secondary sexual characteristic on a woman’s chest would have encouraged this in more primitive incarnations of the human race, and a face on encounter may have helped found a relationship between partners beyond merely a sexual one.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breast
great post! one of my pet peeves is when a single guy would say "well-i-don't-understand-why-sucha-wonderful-girl-like-you-is-still-single" and he doesn't:
a. take some action and ask me out
b. if he's not interested then try introducing me (note..not play matchmaker) to a friend
or
c. is he saying this for some ulterior motive...let's say..dangling the possible "relationship carrot" before a woman's eyes...to fulfill his own agenda...hmmmm
http://thecwexperience.wordpress.com
Yan:
I understand that not every girl found themselves going out with bad boys. My definition of a bad boy would be vastly different than someone else's. Some people define it as men who have been to prison or jail. I don't do men who have went to prison or jail. I saw Oz, and men in prison or jail get raped or become rapists. That is what Oz has taught me, realistic or not.
I am a nerd lover, my idea of a bad boy is a guy who was a socialist, had blue hair, and refused to work for the capitalist corporations. My bad boy did protests, he didn't beat anyone down. He might have been a bit of a deadbeat back then, spouting profusely he would never work and he wasn't about money, usually bad traits for women who want a future with a man. He actually ended up working, at a non profit, keeping his ideals, while I sold myself to corporate America to the highest bidder.
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In terms of women and men and being catty. I think the reason I get along with guys is because to them I am not competition so they are going to backstab me. They aren't going to say something mean or insensitive to me because I am not on their radar screen. In terms of dumbing things down I drink, play video games, and enjoy soccer and basketball. I don't think those are dumb things, but hey who knows? Even though I have dumb conversations, I also have some really great conversations with my guy friends. They are a bit more honest and to the point in my experience with friends. Don't get me wrong I have friends who are girls too. I would say now the majority of my friends are girls. I do think in most instances though girls and guys are different. For instance I have a friend who to me she is the best friend a person could have, she barely knew me and within four months of our friendship she offered as her wedding gift to me to make my wedding cake, and it was a beautiful cake, she was at my wedding, and she was truly happy for me and my husband. Fast forward about two years later, we worked together at the same place, started at the same time. I got a promotion, she didn't. For about two weeks I was getting smart comments thrown at me back and forth. It was crazy. I know at one time she left me a voice mail in which she stated "I guess you are too busy for me now that you got promoted". I really to this day sit back and try to see if I did anything to deserve that. I figure I didn't, I think that was her way of getting her frustration out. I have never had a guy do that to me, but I have in a few instances have had girls do that to me. Am I saying all girls do this, obviously not, but I am saying that because to SOME other girls I am seen as competition whether directly or not, claws can come out when you least expect it.
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In terms of butts on chest, that kind of makes sense. Are there other species with breasts I wonder? I can't think of any.
When i say breasts, I know other species have breasts, but rather, do they have protruding breasts, that until you gave me that explanation absolutely made no sense to me.
This is very apropos.
I just ran into this girl I always thought was hot.
Unfortunately, we were always involved with other people, until this time.
I see my chance, and I ask her out.
She's all into it. "Call me," "Don't forget to call me," blah blah blah.
So, I call her, and she never calls me back.
No big deal, I've had my share of girlfriends, which means I've been rejected from time to time.
But I started thinking about why I even asked her out in the first place.
I don't find her particularly interesting (She's boring), and her friends are damn idiots.
Ah ha! She's hot.
Long story short, we men are without a doubt visual creatures. We may not remember anything you say, but I promise we remember your face, your ass, and the shape of your breasts, and legs.
I would say we can change, but I don't think it's possible.
Long story short, we men are without a doubt visual creatures. We may not remember anything you say, but I promise we remember your face, your ass, and the shape of your breasts, and legs.
I would say we can change, but I don't think it's possible.
Fairlane:
I think men do change when they get married. When they get married they have a steady stream of booty coming in and at that point they just get too lazy to try for other booty when they have some sitting at home. They will look, but they are too tired and worn down by their wives to act on it LOL
If you look more like that girl in the white shorts than that white girl, you should have no trouble attracting men. Not everybody wants some skinny white chick.
C1:
I think my problem at the time was my crowd. Goth chicks (do they call it emo now) don't usually look like me. I incidentally did not marry a goth guy, but he does have a goth look. He is extremely pale and tall with dark hair and green eyes. He could have been a goth without even trying. Of course he was wearing Tommy Hilfiger at the time. He was a total prep, if I wasn't slutting it up, we would have never been together dressing the way I did before my epiphany that boys were looking rather than listening LOL
ITA with your comments about catty women, really on point. Many women make good friends but I have found that even the most saintly woman will get her claws out in certain circumstances...especially when men or money are involved. And another ugly but sad truth? If you are beautiful/extremely attractive AND men come after you all the time - you will NEVER have a true female friend. If you do there must be what I call "the flaw in your make up" - examples - you keep ending up with lousy men who treat you badly or you suffer from some chronic illness or you have no money/dress sense...basically something there that reduces your advantages in their eyes; that they can feel good about - then they will be more forgiving.
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