There are a couple of blogs that are famous for this now. So much so that they are now giving pointers to black women on how to pick up men. To me that is sad. Why do we need instructions on how to get a man? Why do we need a dating service via blog indicating what black women need to do to snag them a man. Is it really so different from how white women grab men? In a previous entry, I showed how I got a man. I learned guys were more visual than mental. I showed my assets, slutted it up. Of course again, when I slut it up I mean I dressed more like this*:
*Both the outfits the girls are wearing are cute, but dammit, I am not wearing a Burberry hat around like that.
Than this:
Not like this:
or this:
I managed to get a man without ever having to go to a blog to get pointers on how to get a man. I am not sexy, nor have I ever claimed to be. I curse, I belch, and I drink beer. I am not girly at all, but I know to throw on some lipstick when necessary.
Why do the BW blogs have the doom and gloom message? Why do I need a blog to fix me up or tell me what to do. Just get out there, the men will come trust me. Men that like girls, go after them. No instructions needed. You so don't need a blog to get a man. Men don't talk a lot, so a lot of them aren't out there reading what you got to say. Take your intellect to the mall, the grocery store, your local college campus, library, bookstore, or local bar, it will go a lot further if your goal is to get a man.
13 comments:
Uh-oh...lol.
I will just say that it's harder for some of us than others in the "mating dance."
I often don't have a clue what I'm doing...lol.
pinky
Yeah I am still militant. I am probably alienating people, and no I am not paying to read your damn blog....yeah I said it.
"Yeah I am still militant. I am probably alienating people..."
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I've always gotten the impression from reading your blog and your comments on other IRR blogs that you are not in "lock-step" with a lot of the positions out there..so I don't think folks who regularly read you will be alienated. Just my opinion.
pinky
Yeah I tend to be a bit of an outsider on most issues. Oh well LOL
Siditty,
I was the anon who said you were one of my two favorites on one particular blog. I love your viewpoint and have nothing to add to this other than to say once again, you are right. I lurk here all the time. Keep writing and I'll keep reading.
great post!
i'm guilty of the "doom and gloom" aspect due to my naturally melancholy personality...lol...i was just having a conversation with myself on presenting how life has turned around since expanding my options...keep it coming...
http://thecwexperience.wordpress.com/
Thanks for the link Siditty.
I love the last few posts, and you're right about a lot of things, particularly about men being visual creatures. When I met my wife we were having long, compelling conversations, spending lots of time together at work, but I had no idea she was into me. I liked her, but wasn't really interested in dating anyone at the time. Then one day she walked into the office in a pair of really tight jeans that showed off her...assets, so to speak, and wrote her phone number on my notepad before she left for the day because she thought I was going to be walked out. Suffice to say, she got my attention. As you know, the rest was history ;)
As for men being visual, we have a critical flaw inherent in the way we choose mates. We are drawn to someone for physical reasons, but if we are not engaged (e.g. - sharing similar interests) the relationship generally doesn't work. Likewise, there could be someone perfect for us in plain sight and we won't even notice. I like to think of it as the "shiny factor."
Basically, we can be physically attracted to someone gorgeous, but there's no relationship interest. There's just a "yeah, but she's hot!" sort of mentality. "Slutting it up" as you referred to it draws our attention. Even if you're the perfect woman, a man is not likely to notice unless something pops out at him.
It's kind of a fatal flaw really. I'd personally take a woman who's company I enjoy over a trophy piece any day of the week, but something in us seems to be hardwired to look at attractive women, even when we know for sure we'd have zero compatibility with said attractive person. It's almost a reflexive response. What's also sad is that many men simply use that "reflex" action as an excuse for cheating. They say something along the lines of "I'm a man, I can't help it" or something else equally stupid.
Women shouldn't take offense when a man glances at an attractive woman or finds a picture of a model or some such attractive, so long as they adore you and treat you right(and maybe have the sense to be embarassed when caught looking :-p). But if a man is going out of his way to seek out other women, drop his ass. That's no natural instinct, it's just a natural jerk.
Sorry for the super long comment and all, I'll take a breath now, whew.
I've been saying the same thing for quite a while now. I'm pretty much convinced that most of the people who spend all their time on blogs talking about dating/mating aren't interested in dating/mating. They're using all this crap as a barrier to intimacy.
Bottom line to me is you either want dick or you don't. Frankly men are incredibly easy, if you make it clear that you're interested, they'll follow up on it. It's not that complicated. If you look good men are going to come after you. Period.
Some people need and appreciate the advice. It's easy to look down on other people who weren't as fortunate as you or didn't "slut it up" earlier in life and are still single. "Looking good" doesn't always attract the guy who is compatible for you. Works great if you just want to get f'd. Like I said, meeting people and dating is not as easy for everyone. I didn't realize that made me a pathetic loser who wasn't sincere in wanting to meet a partner which is the impression I get from your blog.
Yan:
That was never the intent of my blog. I apologize if you sincerely think that was the point of the blog. My attack was on the blogs in particular, which shall not be named.
I don't think I am looking down on it's readers at all. I am saying I find it sad that people use scare tactics. That was the whole point of the blog. I love the idea of having a blog, reading a book, etc. on how to date.
You are right "looking good" does not attract the man that is right for you, but it does help, as I said before I think guys are visual creatures. If I wanted to just get f"ed I would have really "slutted it up" but I didn't. I just had to learn dickies and doc martens aren't sexy to most men. That was what I learned. I am not saying what I did will work for everyone, it worked for me. You are talking to a girl who didn't get her first kiss until she was 18 years old. I would date in high school, but I was really shy and kind of anti-social.
It isn't easy to find and date a decent man in this day and age, but the point of this blog was to emphasize that women shouldn't be bullied and scared into reading a blog so that they feel they have a better chance of meeting their special someone. The doom and gloom message of 'read my blog or you will never get a man' diatribe does not sit well with me. That was my whole point of that post.
I think most of the blogs out there that focus on IR relationships between wm and bw are great, I honestly do, but there are a few who do not sit well with me at all, and I am addressing those blogs in general, not the people who comment on them.
I understand better now. There are some folks who get hugged up and then get a superiority complex, but I see now your post was not about that.
Well, I do give relationship advice on my blog because some women need it (or think they do) it may be the difference between them having the confidence to approach/accept a man or running scared. I try to never take a gloom and doom approach though, I just want black women to have happy, loving, marriages like everyone else... and I don't charge a dime!
hey sis,
just passing thru...i know who you're speaking of without having to listen to the podcast...I too WILL NEVER pay to read something that's FREE, and in abundance online.
If someone finds love outside of their race, i'm happy for them-BUT NOT when disparaging YOUR VERY OWN RACE. Get over the angry woman mentality, forgive and move on. Then when you point out her anger issues-SHE BECOMES EVEN ANGRIER, lol- it' sad.
but anyway good info u have here.
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