I went over to the dating site, and noticed that as per usual when it comes to IR dating sites between BW and WM there is an overwhelming number of BW vs. WM. I am looking at a lot of the profiles, and the BW all tend to be very Christian, whereas the men seem to be a bit more varied in religion. As I have said before I am agnostic, my husband is now an athiest, but when we met I was a Baptist and he was Lutheran (at least I think) religion wasn't a big deal to me. But I notice a lot of the women it is a major concern. Their profiles reflect a big devotion to their religion. Are these women willing to date someone who isn't Christian? Do they shut down a profile if they see Jewish, Athiest, whatever. Is religion a barrier in dating?
I haven't had many serious relationships, I have been with my husband since I was 23, the longest relationship I had before that was two, maybe three months, so obviously not all that serious. Religion never seemed to be a big deal to us, to others it was, when my mom found out my husband was athiest, she didn't like it one bit, she asked me where I found the sinner at. I once when 15 told her I was an athiest, she turned looked at me and calmly said, "No you're not" and continued doing whatever it was she was doing. She was in complete denial. So was I, I will readily admit now I don't know what the hell to believe.
It also appears guys on the site seem to be a bit less passionate about their religion. Does religion seem to matter more to women than men?
Religion is another reason I could never be single, I live in the Bible Belt and saying you are agnostic or atheist is akin to saying you molest kids.
21 comments:
Damn, once again you beat me to a post I wanted to do! One of the first things i've noticed is that fact that allot of black women seem to be allot more religous than I am, in fact, I'm not religious at all. That right there is enough to do away with most of your IR dating options, except with Asian women who seem to mind much less than black and Latino women.
This is true. I don't know what to do about the disproportion. It looks like the women are telling their friends whereas the men are NOT. My guy friend on the site is stoked that there are more women than men. I keep telling that idiot that if we don't get more men, the women will leave.
Oh well, thanks to the folks who have posted links to the
site on their blogs!
P.S. So TBT says you are pro-DBR, huh?
Sorry C1 :)
Go ahead and post your perspective. I am interested in knowing from a guys point of view. My friends give me the female insight, but guys don't break down and get spiritual all that often unless they are trying to convert.
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Yan:
I think in the majority of dating sites, regardless of niche women always outnumber men. Men are more visual face to face so I don't think they are into dating sites as much as women.
Yeah TBT was starting ish, I shared my love of Three 6 Mafia, and he got me for liking such nonsense.
She likes me, she must be pro DBR ;)
P.S. Yan
I've also noticed allot of women are there for friends only, personally I just pass them by, I'm lookin for Love!
I think the black community is so reliant on the church, we often times than not tend to be a bit more religious or pretend to be more religious than others. Personally I was turned off by religion at a very young age, but most of my black female friends are very deep rooted in their beliefs and I just keep quiet so I don't get the "you're going to hell" talks.
She likes me, she must be pro DBR ;)
P.S. Yan
I've also noticed allot of women are there for friends only, personally I just pass them by, I'm lookin for Love!
Whatever a cute guy, educated, with a great insight, not DBR. I told you of my old married woman crush on you. I am sure there are a ton of single girls with crushes on you too, just for the blog alone.
In terms of girls just looking for friends, don't believe that, those girls are looking for more than friends, if they were just looking for friends they wouldn't want to be on a dating site. Find one that tickles your fancy and go for it.
Girls do that to make it seem they want something casual, girls want love too!!!!
Well, I'm a Christian and I wouldn't mind dating a man of another/no religion. The only reason I would be apprehensive is if he pushed his own beliefs on me. We could probably share certain outlooks more easily than others because I'm not a bible-totin', scripture-quotin' Christian. Actually, I'm not so much religious as I am spiritual... spiritually Christian if you will. I don't too much believe in the Church, so I don't go. But, I do enjoy my spirituality and the relationship with God that I've cultivated. It works for me. If it doesn't work for him, so be it. But so many people bash others for their beliefs that I would be afraid he would call me names and be condescending because of my choice. Other than that, it doesn't matter that much.
It's really funny, as soon as I started typing this "Knockin' On Heavens Door" came on, the version by Eric Clapton. Some call him God. Coincidence?
Know this is a topic I can preach about, SIKE!!
No seriously, I am a sorta active church member, but I do have a connection with God. That's all I'm looking for in a long term relationship. I was thinking about the same topic, except I'm too much of a lose to have a blog, but there was a pastor who said a most interesting thing.
Sundays is the most segregated day of the year. Which is mostly true, I mean our founding fathers believed in God but wrote that blacks were only slightly human.
I consider myself a Christian but like Lanna, I'm not a holy roller, yet I find white guys attractive and most of the ones I've dealt with were apprehensive about my religious beliefs.
For me, you don't have to be in church everyday, but if you live your life with a God-conscience, you can roll with me.
Oh yeah, I did go on a christian site once and me and this cute white guy were hitting it off, so we exchange numbers. Can you believe that fool tried to convert me to some cult. He told me that most Blacks weren't saved the right way.
Now wasn't that a blip?
I prefer the Bob Dylan or Guns n Roses version of knockin myself.
C1,
You're a sweetheart. You should be hugged up in no time!
Yeah people looking for "friends". Those people make me a bit nervous, as in, are they looking for FB's?
I am thinking about adding even more questions- as in= "how important is it that your partner share this characteristic", but the list is already getting long.
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Siditty
I have another potential D. Watch out for the friend request!
My dh and I have about the same level of religiosity (is that a word?) I escaped from the Baptist church at 17 and have no interest in returning. When I was single I preferred to date men who were spiritual, but not religious. In fact, I would run screaming from a fundamentalist of any type, they are such a turn-off.
My husband is actually more of a church-goer than I am. Of course, his father was an Episcopal priest, so I guess it goes with the territory. We attend an Episcopal church. To the degree that I can tolerate organized religion of any sort, the Episcopalians suit me. They are (at least here in the States) quite liberal. Non-evangelical, and they don't attack gays. So I do attend services a couple times per month.
My best friend is very religious. She and her husband are my son's godparents. (None of my husband's friends were suitable. They're all Alabama fans, and he's an Auburn fan. Yeah, football is that deep in the South.) Besides, somebody has to teach our son about religion. My husband LIVED in the church his entire life and doesn't know jack about it.
I agree with siditty that the church is such a central focus of the black community. Many people don't see how they can survive without it. But just as they have to open their eyes to men of other races, they can also come to an understanding about other religions.
I'm atheist or agnostic or non-religious depending on the day. When I told my mom, 'O lawdy, she had a fit. She still tries to convince me it's just a phase. Whatever.
I would prefer to date a guy who is also just as bored by religion as I am. I wouldn't rule out religious guys but they couldn't be shoving it down my throat and telling me I'm going to hell everyday. That gets old preeeety quickly. I prefer to keep my beliefs or lack thereof under wraps because I've already been stoned for it too many times.
I'm one of two black people I know who aren’t religious. I know there are more of us out there, so where are we hiding?
C1, I haven't heard the Guns n Roses version, but I do have the Dylan version. It's pretty hard not to like the original.
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Roslyn said: "None of my husband's friends were suitable. They're all Alabama fans, and he's an Auburn fan. Yeah, football is that deep in the South."
If that ain't the truth.
Sid,
I guess you are talking about people like me.
I am raised catholic. Where I am from and being wanderers its part of the culture. Catholism has very similar values as my tribe's traditions. So there is a very thin line here. I don't believe in the church as an institution and rarely go to church.
I guess I am more spiritual but feel at home in the catholic mass and feel very spiritual while there. I have tried several churches and found them extremely noisy and not in synch with my spirit and temperament. So I still feel at home spiritually in the Catholic church but I think it is more because it is so intertwined with my native culture.
Would I date a non religious person? Why not. I think that some agnostics and aethists are more spiritual than so called religious people. My attactraction to people tends to have a spiritial dimension to it and this can not be attributed to following one religion or another.
What a great topic! I would prefer to marry a Christian, but it's really difficult. I look at the interracial dating sites, and the majority of the white guys click atheist, agnostic, or spiritual, but not religious.
I'm seeking marriage, and I'd like a united family that attends the same place of worship on Sunday, so the other options (jews/muslims) are slim to none for me. Sadly, the christian dating sites are run by and geared toward matching white evangelicals with each other, so I don't get any hits on those sites either.
C-1, good luck. I'm waiting to hear the news that you've found the one.
I've dated guys of various religions, including a devout Catholic. I'm talking mass in Latin, covering my head before entering the church Catholic.
While I do attend church (occasionally), I don't believe in following blindly. I think a lot of Black women get caught up in the rehtoric coming from the pulpit.
I can relate to the religioun related confusion.
I was raised Muslim and left the religion in my 20s; then became Unitarian Universalist. Today I'm still a UU, and an atheist. I had the experience of trying to find black men who weren't Christian or Muslim. It was tough.
It is hard in my area period to find a guy not uber religious. Living in the Bible Belt is tough. I have considered Unitarian Universalism, but my husband is anti organized anything, I think it is because he is just anti social.
I've been an out atheist since 2000. I strongly prefer dating atheists because the high holy roller BS is something I will not tolerate.
Women are the true keepers of religion even though most religions--the Abrahamic religions for example--have insane rules regarding women and how to treat us. (Not saying that everyone follows it to the letter but some do obviously.) And some women will defend their religion and can get very hardcore about it.
When I bring it up with most white men they're relieved to know that I'm a black woman and an Atheist. With black and latino men they look at me strange, then they try to argue about it with me, then finally they want to sleep with me which might be the best part;-)
As a matter of fact, arguing with a religious person, especially a Christian, is like arguing with a conservative Republican. The angry sex can be the best part! :-D
For me, I prefer to marry a man, who believes in God, because I want our children to have some spiritual belief. I am a regular church goer, but it took me a long time to get a good church, where I am happy to go now. Which I find it is very good. El Shaddai International Church in the UK. Women tend to be more church goers than men, particularly in my church.
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