2008-04-17

Why do I like white guys?


I was having a conversation in another blog about my experiences growing up, as I have said many times before I grew up in a predominantly white area. I attribute that to my reason I have a preference of white men. I attributed my husband's preference for non white women for the same reason. He went to predominantly black and hispanic middle and high schools. I always thought since most people date or start to date and form relationships with the opposite sex in middle school and high school, my attraction was obviously sealed at that point in life. But come to think of it, I always had an attraction to white guys, even before then, of course at again I have always been around white people. I was chit chatting with someone at another blog and he explained to me that he never grew up around black people, there weren't that many where he lived, and he has an obvious attraction to black women, he has a blog about it. So I am really asking myself why do I like or have a strong preference for white guys?

What are the turn on of white guys vs. black men for me? Not that there aren't some hot black men, there are, I drool when I see Tyson Beckford and Michael Jai White. Orlando Jones and Gary Dourdan work well for me as well, but this isn't the black man appreciation post, so as per usual, I digress.


I guess I will list out my preferences:

1) Call it a fetish, but I love the skin contrast, I have obviously very dark features, dark brown eyes, curly black hair, dark skin, and white guys on average do not. It is a definite turn on to notice the stark difference.

2) Again a fetish thing, I guess it is also the hair, black guys usually keep the hair a close fade, or sometimes they do bald, I like running my fingers through the hair. I just like hair. Not that bald guys aren't awesome either, I met my husband bald, but I definitely prefer him with hair :)

3) I think there is a cultural differences that mesh better with me as well. Typically speaking white guys, not in all cases, trust me I know, tend to be a bit more reserved in their approach to you than black guys. I guess it is because they like to get a feel for you to see if you are even open to dating a WM, where as BM tend to be a bit more direct and at times, as it is assumed that if you are of the same race you are open to dating people of your own race, which is the case the majority of the time. Sometimes the approach can be too strong. Also with the small number of college educated black men out there, I found many of them to be at an advantage, as most black women still prefer black men, and they use that to their advantage.

4) Not that this a valid reasoning, but I find I have more in common with white guys vs. black guys. My husband and I are complete opposites, but I tend to listen to music and watch movies that fall outside the realm of the stereotypical "black music" and "black movies". Of course my music and movie preferences fall outside the realm of most people, regardless of race, am a weirdo. Even though I am big into music and movies, I enjoy going to live shows of all types and going to art shows, and doing the opera, again most people don't like doing that, including my husband and friends, which is why I am again labeled a weirdo. I always assumed due to the things I like, it seems I was around white guys way more than black guys do to my hobbies.

5) Let me go back to being a fetishist, but I have a weakness for green or blue eyes. I get caught up in eyes pretty easily. My husband has the coolest eyes. I have actually bought clothes for him based upon how they would make his eyes look. I know that is wrong, but it is very true.

Like I said, I can appreciate all races of men, but I just tend to have a preference for white men, and who am I to question why I really have that preference.

25 comments:

t-HYPE said...

I grew up around white people and even so, my "fetishes" (the physical attraction stuff), tends to lean toward brown-skinned men. At the same time, that doesn't always include black men.

In my experience, dating interracially has allowed me to define my relationships on a personal level rather than being boxed into trying to be "a strong black relationship" whatever that is! The subtle expectations placed upon us by member of our own "group" (race) can be an unnecessary source of tension when dating. I don't fit very many molds for anything (I'm weird too. Welcome to the club!)

In my experience, far as personalities go, I think there's just a higher percentage of folks who are friendly to interracial dating who have the mental framework to allow people to be individuals.

Felicity said...

At school and at College, most of the men who would talk to me,were either white, middle Eastern, Asian. British born African men would talk to me, but not WestIndian black guys.

Felicity said...

I forgot to mention, I do love dark hair collar length and blue eyes, nice smile, nice teeth and tall 6ft 4 ins.

Siditty said...

In my experience, dating interracially has allowed me to define my relationships on a personal level rather than being boxed into trying to be "a strong black relationship" whatever that is!

T-hype:

I so agree with this. There is so much pressure to embrace the "strong black relationship" to build up the community. The expectation is high, as an educated black woman, you are supposed to be strong and wait for your black man, and if you don't wait for that perfect black man, help a black man that might not be where you are and uplift him. That is too much pressure, I can't live up to that all the time.

There is no expectation to build up a strong IR relationship.You aren't the "ideal" couple, as you broke the mold by dating someone of a different race.

-----

Felicity:

I have been approached primarily by white men as well. I also share the love of tall men LOL

Miriam said...

I wasn't sure where I was going to end up. When I began dating, I gravitated towards African men more. (Ghanians and Nigerians).

Then from joining the (almost militant)Heb. Isrealites aka the black Hebrews to some, I dated an AA guy that is probably the darkest anyone will probably ever see!

Then, eventually, I landed w/my husband WM. What I like about him:

I also have a wide variety of likes, and it seems he can appreciate that more than if I had been w/a black guy who could feel that we needed to 'keep it real'

His hair is a phenomenon to me. I do enjoy combing it and brushing it- like a doll. He drew the line w/me putting barrets on it.

And I know this is not a color bm vs wm thing, but I just really like that he's so into me! I never had that before from anybody. And I can be so mean. :0(

I am embarrassed to reveal that I just never thought such a thing was possible. (Now I just need to be more appreciative about it.)

texasladybird said...

I think one day a switch goes on and you decide, "Hey he's kind a cute." That's why I don't think anyone 'chooses' to be gay. No one ever told me non-Black guys were cute, I just noticed one day and went with it.

My first non-Black crush was in kindergarten. His nickname was Pepe, he was Mexican and didn't speak English, but I didn't let that stop me. He had a gap toothed smile. I was in L-O-V-E. I told him he was my boyfriend and we held hands on the way home.

My mom thought it was cute and never told me it was wrong. She thinks the current BF is greatness. Mom just wants me to be happy and give her grandbabies.

She's cool like that. :)

Siditty said...

Texasladybird:

My brother is named after my boyfriend from 1sr grade. I wanted to name my brother the boyfriend's first and last name, but my parents agreed to just naming him by the first name. My brother is forever stuck with this boy's name and I haven't seen that boy since 1st grade.

----


His hair is a phenomenon to me. I do enjoy combing it and brushing it- like a doll. He drew the line w/me putting barrets on it.


Miriam:

I play in my husbands hair all the time, it is like a bad habit. I don't know why I do that!!!!!! Ironically I used to do it with my dad when he sported his afro when I was a kid. My daddy had the softest hair!!!!!! It would annoy the hell out of him,but I couldn't help myself, just like my husband. At least my husband likes it, when he is driving I always have my hand on the back of his head playing in his hair.

Anonymous said...

Miriam-

Ironically, I was also with a Hebrew organization for a loong time. (who would have ever thought!)(7yrs.) Although I still adhere to some things, I had to leave the rest behind. Militant (in regards to my experience) was an understatement.
I too, am married to a WM/Native who actually was my fist love. After 7 years of watching my sisters get brainwashed into beleiving they were less than what they really are,and that their main goal and purpose in life was to serve their black men-I left.

Shabbat after Shabbat,I heard blame being placed on everyone(including BW)and every race except the BM(in this case) who refused to see or question their own behaviors. The thoughts of my now husband never escaped my mind. The man who was crazy about me in my awkward going through puberty years, and loves every part of me now-as a BW,mother and wife.He even loved the parts that weren't completely healed when we first were engaged. His hair, his eyes, his skin,his entire being is what I love about this beautiful man. I too never imagined such things were possible. That's how I know it was'nt my will, but my Creator's will!

purple_moonflower123 said...

Siddity said: At least my husband likes it, when he is driving I always have my hand on the back of his head playing in his hair

Oh my god!! I do the same to my husband. He loves it!! He almost starts "purring" from me rubbing the back of his head while driving. I love to do it because he likes it so much. I play with his hair all the time and it is sort of an unconsiencous thing with me when I do it.

I do like his hair and just the difference in our skin colors. Maybe it is a fetish?? Who knows. He is a great guy, I love him and that is good enough for me.

I have always like white guys too, even though I have dated other non-white and also non-black men. My first love was Japanese. We were really close and sometimes I miss the friendship we had because he was just a cool person. My second love was an Irish-American guy who had issues that he need to work out and I was at a point where I didn't want to wait him out. He still, after several years (10), hasn't gotten it together.

There were other non-black guys (even though I did date a couple black guys but we didn't click), that I dated. My man is part Norwegian and German and he has the bluest eyes that I love and the longest lashes. Our daughter has his eye lashes. I am so jealous.

Mostly it was our personality that clicked, even though we have difference. I see him as an individual who is a great husband and father. He works hard, is successful in what he does, and wants me to be and do what ever I want to do for my career, etc.

Felicity said...

Whoo, just listening to you ladies is drool fashion. My husband will be tall, dark hair, blue eyes, thick abudant shoulder length hair. I will play with it all the time. Ahhhh

Miriam said...

Anonymous,

That was so beautiful to read! Thank you so much for sharing.

All,

Now this is how IR blogs should really be... the ups...the downs... the TRUTH. I can feel the love just radiating through the screen.

Thanks!

Happy Passover /Have a great weekend all!

texasladybird said...

Sid:

I'm an only child, but I did want a little bro or sis just so I could name it. I guess I gotta settle for a puppy.

Kenya said...

"Whoo, just listening to you ladies is drool fashion. My husband will be tall, dark hair, blue eyes, thick abudant shoulder length hair. I will play with it all the time. Ahhhh"

I'd say that's close to my ideal of very tall with aquiline features, black hair, green eyes and very long hair. I don't see that often tho.

Siditty said...

OK Kenya, I got the tall dark haired, green eyed husband, but his hair isn't long at all, he keeps it short, but enough to play in it :)

roslynholcomb said...

My dh has gorgeous, thick, curly ginger-colored hair. It's gradually fading with age. As a youngster it was CarrotTop orange. I think he'll have white hair like his father, but he'll always have a full head of hair. I love to give him scalp massages and play with his hair. He keeps it cut short though because he says it gets too hot.

Funnily enough, when our son was born, he had stick straight coal black hair. Blew us both away. We couldn't figure out how THAT happened. My SIL told me that both her daughters, who are blonde now, were born with hair just like his. It fell out and was replaced with blonde hair. When Luke's hair fell out I wasn't sure what it would be replaced with!

Anonymous said...

I went to high school with Tyson Beckford-had 9th grade french class with him-though I'm pretty sure he NEVER noticed me. My husband and I were watching a movie with him in it, and he turned to look at me and asked "I wonder what he looked like in high school?" "Uhhm...hot." (Was that REALLY a question?)
okie

Anonymous said...

The eyes get me too and i am a sucker for blondes. I am a united nations when it comes to dating. If we get along and there is that attraction, i am open. Something i will note, the best relationships i've had were with white guys. Current boyfriend is swedish. blonde hair blue eyes and has rhythm. Guy salsa and dances like a black guy (those that can dance). This was the final straw. I was hooked.

Afrodite said...

I love men, period. Of all races, although lately I've been leaning towards white men lately.

DiosaNegra1967 said...

Y'know...I used to think that I didn't have a "type" or preference...that my "attraction" was based on how the man carried himself...but, now I realize that, boy howdy...do I EVER have a type...and it's usually:

- tall-ish
- long dark hair (usually shoulder length or longer)
- a goatee (can be optional)
- dark eyes
- strong features
- tan/olive/swarthy complexion
- full lips

Strangely enough, I don't know where this "type" jumped out from! LOL Maybe he's my animus...who knows!

h sofia said...

I don't find white men to be more attractive than any other men. What I find attractive includes white men (and every other ethnicity/race I can think of), but they don't have a special place in my heart.

Growing up I had lots of crushes on famous white guys, but only that's because white guys dominate the US media/music/movie scene.

Of course, today, the most handsome man in the world to me is half Asian and half Chicano, so a man will have to look like him to be the best looking!

Anonymous said...

Ok I just came across this blog. Interesting. But if this same post was written the other way round, black man claiming he loves white women because their hair is nice and smooth, this would have been war. Just shows how hypocrytical some black women can be.

Siditty said...

Ok I just came across this blog. Interesting. But if this same post was written the other way round, black man claiming he loves white women because their hair is nice and smooth, this would have been war. Just shows how hypocrytical some black women can be.

Where did I say white boys hair is nice and smooth. I have dated white boys with hair curlier than my own. I just like having hair to play with, for the longest time most black guys keep with the close fade or bald look. There are a few who grow out their hair, but usually keep them in corn rolls. One thing I can't stand though is a guy with flat ironed or processed hair. I wear my hair natural, and maybe it is my militant ideals to maintain my natural hair.

Note also I didn't say I like white guys because black men are "insert stereotype here" often times when something "blows up", it is because there is always something negative to say about those of the opposite sex. I have nothing against black men. If black men actually approached me more than white guys, I probably would have ended up with one, but nine times out of ten, I was/am approached by white men.

So in terms of being hypocritical, don't you find it funny you come here to a blog and get mad a black woman, who is married to a white man says she prefers white men, think about it, am I supposed to be repulsed by my husband? I don't think I am a hypocrite, what I am is honest. I find it funny that the majority of black men who say stuff about my relationship, wouldn't probably be into me anyway. I am dark skinned with natural hair, and plain old brown eyes. There is a tendency, particularly in the south for men to prefer lighter skin, "bright eyes", and "good hair" (i.e. processed or weave). I don't fit into that beauty ideal at all. A lot of black men prefer mixed, latina, asian, or anything else before that.

Siditty said...

Also note, I have no problem with black men who date IR. If that is what you want go for it, obviously many black men do it, statistically speaking, way more often than black women do.

FunkyStarkitty50 said...

I'm glad that there are more of us out there who are willing to admit it. I swear, I went through most of my teens and 20's thinking that I was the only BW who preferred WM. I agree with most of you about the light eyes/dark hair contrast.Lately, I'm into the jet black hair and square jaw look. Antonio Sabado was my ideal for a long time. I Like the way their skin feels and how they get that red flush in their face and around their necks when they are turned on.Or the way the hair sticks to their necks when they are sweating. Things like that have been a huge appeal for me when it comes to WM. But aside from the physical aspects, someone that I can actually relate to without having my Blackness questioned is the biggest draw for me.

Amber said...

I don't think being attracted to the skin of another race, nor the eye color equates your dislike for bm, though extremely rare, you can find all your "fetishes" in some bm and men of mixed race.

I just want to clarify, the definition of fetishism (not verbatim) is being attracted to an object such as a foot,the person becomes irrelevant. Fetishism has a negative connotation so it doesn't make much sense to me that you would use such a word that has a neg. connotation and in the incorrect manner. No offense.

You are looking at the whole person not just the object, so what you call "fetish" is incorrect, they are just preferences. There are nothing wrong with preferences and I'm right there with you. :)