When you are single, sex is some magical, magical thing, but when you stay in a committed relationship for any period of time, it loses is magic, and this is what happens. I might come off as a hoochie, but I am married, and I can say I have sex and not be stoned for being a harlot.
1. Making out is no longer for the sake of making out, it is purely for sex in the mind of the man. I used to be a make out bandit, but now if I make out, I better be prepared to take it to the next step or there will be hell to pay.
2. When you first start to consummate the relationship, in his eyes you wear nothing but Victoria's Secret undies and own half the lingerie from Fredericks of Hollywood, because that is all you wear, as you are trying to impress him. Now he expects to see cotton grandma panties, and gets excited if you wear bikini cut cotton Hanes, the stuff you wear when you aren't trying to impress a man. Lingerie is for special occasions like anniversaries or birthdays.
3. On that note, realize that if you do wear pretty underwear or lingerie and they see it, you better be prepared to perform, as they know that is your "sexy" lingerie, and never think that maybe, just maybe, you wanted to have a change of pace, or more realistically for me, needed to do laundry really, really badly.
4. Men don't like substitutes. During certain times of the month, if you are unable to perform your wifely duties (hint, hint), and you offer other alternatives, your man will usually get a sad look on his face, and ask "What's the point? That isn't what I want."
5. Men learn to overlook the two day stubble on your legs, as long as you are willing and able, they are too.
6. Sometimes you wake up the next morning and realize, you and your husband had relations while you were asleep. You don't feel violated, you don't get upset, because you realize, he was asleep too, and things just happen sometimes.
7. Foreplay is completely optional and not necessary.
8. It is ok to watch TV while being "occupied", and no I am not talking about watching porn, but rather C-Span.
9. Those heels you used to wear at his request no longer get worn, unless they go with your outfit you are wearing for the day, there is no need to be uncomfortable to accommodate aesthetics, he will be ok with it either or.
10. Men get to the point where they actually prefer you to wear underwear or lingerie when you get ready to do the deed, as they are used to seeing your naked body, and like the whole concept of "leaving stuff to the imagination", yes it will eventually come off, but they like to open the package themselves.
These rules might change if you have kids, but if it is just you and him, this is probably how it will go.
17 comments:
Ha, YES to all except number 6 (never had that happen, I am too light of a sleeper).
I've never been married but it's interesting to learn insightful details of married life.
Sometimes you wake up the next morning and realize, you and your husband had relations while you were asleep. You don't feel violated, you don't get upset, because you realize, he was asleep too, and things just happen sometimes.
--------------------------
??? LOL !!!!!!
13 years and 1 kid later, I totally agree with you. Marital sex is different from when you are dating and that's not necessarily bad, just different.
Okay, this made my day!!! LMAO at Rule #6...I am a light sleeper too and being violated while "he" was asleep was unfortunately normal to the point I started to complain.
This might only apply to me, but I'm adding another rule:
And if he goes on a business trip, be prepared to have phone sex/take pictures/ and what not...
I have to say now that I'm no longer married, I do miss the marital sex. The single sex is too awkward and you're used to the one person that knew which buttons to push and being comfortable with the embarrassing moments of sex.
Single sex is nerve-wracking...lol
Tiga
Jazzy,
Usually it is a thing of where you do wake up for things, but then right afterwards go right back to sleep, and then in the morning you can't tell if it was a dream or if it is real.
------
Okay, this made my day!!! LMAO at Rule #6...I am a light sleeper too and being violated while "he" was asleep was unfortunately normal to the point I started to complain.
LOL I would complain, but I am too tired to do anything but comply. He pouts if he doesn't get his way in that department. At this point though he has tapered off, but I have revved up. It is a cruel joke. Men reach their peak in their 20s and we hit ours in the 30s. I at one point thought something was wrong with me, it never occurred to me my biological clock is ticking, as in my feminist mindset, I never had a biological clock, I was just a sexually liberated woman.
I have to say now that I'm no longer married, I do miss the marital sex. The single sex is too awkward and you're used to the one person that knew which buttons to push and being comfortable with the embarrassing moments of sex.
Single sex is nerve-wracking...lol
I am speaking so hypothetical because I was a sacred virgin until marriage, but back in the day, the concept of sex with someone new scared the hell out of me, I always thought I was maybe doing something wrong, or maybe I was too freaky or not freaky enough, it is hard to determine the balance. That or determining the right time to go ahead and get freaky, you don't want to too soon, but you don't won't to make them wait unnecessarily. I guess I shouldn't say anything as my husband is my single, true long term relationship, everything before that was a matter of a few months tops.
Aaaahhhhh as I said before, I really don't know how to be single and would be screwed if I were to become single.
Thanks for giving me 10 more reasons for hating the single life.
So the stereotypes are true. :(
Stella,
The grass is always greener on the other side. There are times for me at least, I question myself did I get married to early and experience life, and I would love to be able to do quite a few things I can't do because I do have to take my husband into consideration. I am sure he thinks the same, but again it is the grass is always greener.
-----
tenacious,
marriage is what you make of it. My marriage might be a freak of nature, so don't take my word for it :)
this is well written. not only well written, but quite funny at times. [i've been really busy, but still been reading - love the blog as much as ever ].
this is well written. not only well written, but quite funny at times. [i've been really busy, but still been reading - love the blog as much as ever ].
Aaawwww thanks :)
10 years and 3 kids later...most of this is true about marital sex. I definitely agree with some other posts, marital sex is comfortable. There is nothing wrong with comfortable, to me it is the best sex I have ever had. Honestly, I got married for #5 alone!
After nearly 12 years together, I have to agree. I used to buy Victoria's Secret lingerie and he loved it. Now, I could just be naked and he's just as happy. Although the PVC shorts with the zippers and stripper clear heels work just as well. I guess less is more as the years go by and just being a round for sex is good enough for them. With two kids, the fact that I'm willing at all is a treat.On the average, married people supposedly have more sex than single people. But, so many of my married friends barely have sex once a month. I always thought sex 3-4 times a week wasn't enough and I've only met one other person who has sex nearly every day with her husband. I asked her how she does it, and she said "How could I not? If I don't, someone else will and you have to keep it interesting." There's a grain of truth in that. I've definitely had to open my mind in regards to keeping things interesting and different.
Pray tell, how does # 6 Happen without one realizing that it's happening? LOL!
. But, so many of my married friends barely have sex once a month. I always thought sex 3-4 times a week wasn't enough and I've only met one other person who has sex nearly every day with her husband.
We up until the last year or so were the daily folks, but time has diminished the thrill. When we first got together I could barely walk, and I asked my husband the other day why we quit the Sexapaloozas, and he chalked it up to him being 31, not 22 and that we got used to each other.
#6 Happens when you are a heavy sleeper and you have very vivid dreams--usually of someone else, like Gerard Butler, for instance...
Oh, it can certainly happen :-)
Post a Comment