I went to Goddess Glory's videos today on youtube. For those who don't know, she is a sex worker, she does videos and works as a dominatrix(I think she does, if I am wrong, sorry). I don't always agree with her viewpoints, but I admire her, as she is someone who is very comfortable with themselves, and I often think most women aren't that secure in their sexuality.
Sexual Liberation is not important so that everyone can be freaks in the bedroom. But yeah it is. I grew up with women, like grandmothers and aunts who acted as if sex was a duty to fulfill for their husbands. It was a chore rather than a hobby. Sex was for marriage, and anything before that was absolutely forbidden. I have always been conscious as to how I dress, so I don't give people the wrong impression and that I wasn't a loose person with loose morals. I grew up thinking sex was bad, I guess to prevent me from actually having sex, but it was dirty to even have sexual thoughts. I thought for years I was weird to want or desire sex.
I am going to be brave and say I had pre-marital sex. With men who were not my husband. I lived with my husband for four years before we were married, just assume we might have had sex in that time period.
I am glad I was able to experience sex and realize it isn't necessarily something I do as a favor to my husband, but something I actually enjoy. I can be vocal and tell him what I like versus, what I don't. It is ok for me to say no when I don't want to, and ask him if he wants to when I do. It's ok to wear the short skirt sometimes, or get a little dolled up because you want to feel better about yourself. I don't think your feminist ideals go away because you want to feel attractive. Being sexy doesn't necessarily mean wearing revealing clothing, but dressing in a way in which you feel comfortable with yourself, that makes you feel better.
Am I saying you need to have the world's largest gang bang. No, not at all. With this liberation comes great responsibility, and I am not about burning, itching, and death for a good time, but I will say that sex isn't something shameful, as I was taught. That it isn't a bad thing, and it definitely isn't an obligation to appease my man or the person I am with, but myself.
As long as sex is consensual, with adults, and safe, it is ok to do, it doesn't make you a slut to desire and want sex.
11 comments:
i love me some Goddess Glory
Goddess Glory is a nice person yo ! I just would not be a dominatrix :-P and i happen to like the wait for marriage idea , not because i have to wait but because now that i'm older i feel much more comfortable in my body and i'm glad i did not lose it at 14 and get pregnant or get a deadly STD etc...
My mom'm mom was a nurse and funnily enough we talked about this yesturday. She was slightly mad and asked everyone in our nigerian village whether they had "venereal diseases" ? And why they wore skirts too short etc etc...She was very strict. She told my mother if a man even TOUCHES you, you will get pregnant. My mom believed that for a very long time that if a man actually TOUCHES you that is what happens, so she avoided men. Until a friend told her she was being silly. But i know, even though my mum won't admit it, my mum slept with my dad before they tied the knot!! And i guess that is why she is less strict with me.Still strict but more in a motherly way.
But i don't mind waiting .......................until i'm 25...tops!
To be honest with you I didn't quite understand what was going on in this video.
I had parents who grew up in the Dark Ages, especially my Mom. My Dad was the one who taught me about sex and sexual liberation, ironically enough.I was 23 when I lost my virginity to my then bf, current husband--and now I wonder if I should have experimented more. I fooled around with guys, but it only went but so far.My husband was really my first, so, I have very little to reference in terms of what good sex is. Now I think about having sex with other guys all the time, it's sad.
God bless her!
Your Blog is an oasis.
I love when I can see a personaility come through in choices on background, blog title topics and the writing in general.
Keep doing it!
I wrote today on Byron Hurts new film and how I am considering making a short on Black Female Sexuality.
Stop by and let me know what you think.
~m.
i love me some Goddess Glory
She is the bomb, even though sometimes I don't know what the hell she says or I completely disagree with her, she is still so cool to me.
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But i don't mind waiting .......................until i'm 25...tops!
It's good to wait, my friend is 30 and still waiting for religious reasons, but she finally met a guy, i expect a quick engagement LOL
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To be honest with you I didn't quite understand what was going on in this video.
Sometimes I don't know, but in that particular video (which was part 1 of 4) it was about whore power.
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I had parents who grew up in the Dark Ages, especially my Mom. My Dad was the one who taught me about sex and sexual liberation, ironically enough.I was 23 when I lost my virginity to my then bf, current husband--and now I wonder if I should have experimented more. I fooled around with guys, but it only went but so far.My husband was really my first, so, I have very little to reference in terms of what good sex is. Now I think about having sex with other guys all the time, it's sad.
My mother was very strict, my father more liberal. He was more concerned about me getting pregnant or a disease if anything. He was the one offering up the birth control or whatever. My mother had me scared to have sex. I lost my virginity freshman year of college (how cliche is that?), and pretty much can say that even though I am happily married, you will always think about having sex with other guys, regardless if you had sex before or not. I didn't marry my husband based upon sexual prowess, but many other factors. I put sex low on the totem pole when it came to choosing a partner, because before my husband I put a strong emphasis on the sex aspect, which had me end up with losers. There are so many factors to choose when picking a partner and sex to me isn't the most important one. I would rather be with a good guy not so good in the sack and able to self help. Not that my husband isn't great though LOL
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Your Blog is an oasis.
I love when I can see a personaility come through in choices on background, blog title topics and the writing in general.
Keep doing it!
I wrote today on Byron Hurts new film and how I am considering making a short on Black Female Sexuality.
Stop by and let me know what you think.
~m.
Thank you, I will be sure to check it out :)
One of the problems with sex no longer being seen as a wife's duty is the resultant lack of sex common in marriages. As shown in the article below, "a woman's sex drive begins to plummet once she is in a secure relationship" and men's remain the same throughout.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4790313.stm
This puts many men in an eventual position of choosing between near chastity or cheating and is one of the reasons that so many men don't see the benefits of commitment, especially when sex is often more available when they are singe.
One of the problems with sex no longer being seen as a wife's duty is the resultant lack of sex common in marriages.
I disagree. Women are sexual creatures, we enjoy sex, maybe not as much as men, but I can say I personally think about sex a lot. I think that in marriage, sex is something you have to work on. You have to keep it fresh and change it up, or otherwise it does become a chore. Being with the same person for a very long time causes you to yearn for something different and new. Many times if other areas of the marriage aren't working, it causes folks to wander or stray. I can probably guess my husband has thought about sex with other women, I can say at times I have thought about sex with other men. That isn't cheating, it is being normal, but we know better than to cross the line of making those thoughts come to fruition. Sometimes people who aren't sexually compatible get married, and then sex becomes harder, but that is where communication and openness comes in.
I think that when you have a high sex drive and you marry someone with a low sex drive, it can cause many problems. Sexual compatibility is important, but not always something that people have in their relationships. A sex therapist told me that Men get married because they think the sex is always going to be like it was before they got married or had kids and they get mad when it drops off after that happens. A man's expectation of sex when he gets married is that it should be readily available, and women don't think they have to work that hard to be sexually interesting after they get married. So all of the freaky stuff you did to get him, I guess some women think they don't have to do it anymore. I agree with Siditty, you have to keep it new. Some women may not be as open-minded about watching porn, using sex toys or going to strip clubs with their husband, but if that's what it takes to keep things interesting, it may be something to consider.
I think that when you have a high sex drive and you marry someone with a low sex drive, it can cause many problems. Sexual compatibility is important, but not always something that people have in their relationships.
Very true. I would say that a sexual relationship is give and take. I have to realize my husband does not think cotton granny panties are sexy, much like he has to realize tonguing him down with morning breathe ain't always my cup of tea, especially if his breathe is kicking.
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