2008-11-19
If You Have The Time: An Interview on White Men and Black Women with Alexyss K.Tylor
OK If you have the time to listen to the show, listen to it. I don't know how I feel about it. It seems the guy she is interviewing is into stereotypes. Warning this show is graphic. It is from Alexyss K. Tyler. The woman who does these videos:
Thanks Brodaica Californica for sending this to me.
My summary and critique of this interview:
The white guy sounds as if he dates pretty much only black women. He refers to himself as not being the straight laced white guy with no flavor. That sounds a bit stereotypical, but again he doesn't sound deuce like either even though he did claim he attended school with Ice Cube. He grew up Jewish in a family that was racist,, but he felt he was always comfortable with black women.
There was a great point brought up, Alexyss K. Tylor indicated that many black men have a preference for more "mixed" looking women, where as this man did not. He explained he has no preference and that he felt that came from a slavery issue, and that it usually isn't a factor because there is no expectation of the ideal black women to white men, they just want attractive women.
He does bring out the stereotypes of black women being more sensual, sexual, and more apt to affectionate in public. He also talked about the oral sex stereotype of white men vs. black men. He confirms that he as a white man does oral sex. He also noted that just not any white guy can approach a black woman. I guess you can't be the straight laced white guy with no flavor and still approach a black woman. He felt you had to be "down" and eat soul food. Yeah, he said that. I don't know how I feel about that, as it seems a bit too stereotypical. He did state he didn't want a Condoleeza Rice or Clarence Thomas types, he wants a black woman with soul. He wouldn't have dated me, I might have been "too white" for him. It seemed like he had a set perception of what a black woman is, and that was what he was attracted to.
He confirmed white guys have a hard time dating black women and that in the African American community a black women would catch flack and society doesn't always accept it. That the perception is black women aren't attracted to white men.
Alexyss also asked him did he feel black women were dating white men because of their needs not being met by black men. His response was interesting, and I think this goes to show the difference in approach in regards to white men and black men. Black men are a bit more direct, the manner in which they approach you is on a more sexual level, where as a white guy who approaches you does so on a "friend" type basis. Alexyss mentioned how black culture has kind of downgraded how women are treated and approached. Which is definitely true in MAINSTREAM hip hop culture. They made some great comments on the status of white women vs. black women in mainstream culture and how black women vs. white women are treated in society.
I was kind of cautious as this man said he always dates black women, but he married a latina woman, which to me gives me the red flag of black women are for a good time, but when it comes time to settle down you gotta go with someone "more acceptable". He is currently dating now that he is divorced, but he isn't looking for anything serious, but overwhelmingly dates black women. He feels sex with black women is better than white women. Alexyss stated she felt white boys don't have the same sexual hang ups of black men.
Overall, I think it was a good interview, it was very racy, the guy was cute, it was nice to hear about a white guy liking black women, but it did come off a bit of a stereotype fest.
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26 comments:
I haven't listened yet but to comment on the wm approaching bw thing.
I do think that there are some bw out there that if they're going to date a wm there has to be things that remind them of bm. Whether it's the way they dress, dance, talk etc...
I agree with him though that not any wm can approach any bw. But it really depends on the type of women you're approaching.
Man I don't want to start stereotyping so I'm not going to get into details. I'm just going to say this: There are certain types of bw that you can just tell by watching or listening to them (especially if you around them often) they wouldn't dare date a wm. UNLESS like said he dresses, dances, talks "down". I'll just leave it at that.
Yes, a white man can date a black woman and not be "down". Don't believe this guy who says that you have to have "flavor" to date a black woman. Maybe CERTAIN black women, but not all!!
PS: When I worked in corporate, I was really surprised at how many white men showed interest in me...not just for dating but friendship. I think they were suprised at how much we had in common. And they were surprised that I didn't fit the stereotypes of black women.
Interesting interview.
Sid, are you sure this is the video you wanted to post? This sure isn't an interview.
Kyleth,
It isn't the video I wanted you to watch, but rather the blogtlkradio embedded on the post I wanted you to listen to. That is the interview. It is two hour thing, that is why I am suggesting if you have the time :)
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I do think that there are some bw out there that if they're going to date a wm there has to be things that remind them of bm. Whether it's the way they dress, dance, talk etc...
212542:
Very true to an extent, I do feel that for some black women that is the case, but there are many of us who are ok with the "straight laced" white guys too :)
In terms of wm approaching bw, it definitely depends on the person they are approaching, but a red flag for me in this interview was that this guy had a propensity to pick up girlfriends in the club, so maybe the quality of women he was seeking wasn't necessarily the long term relationship type :)
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When I worked in corporate, I was really surprised at how many white men showed interest in me...not just for dating but friendship. I think they were suprised at how much we had in common. And they were surprised that I didn't fit the stereotypes of black women.
I think most black women don't fit the stereotypes of black women and once people find that out, they are shocked. The types of white guys that approached me was always shocking. I always got the white guys "with flava", but then I would get the most republican, preppy white guys ever to approach me a lot too. I never got the guys I was really interested in to ask me out, those guys typically stick with white and asian women.
Of course I felt that the guy in the interview had preconceived notions of what is black and how black women supposedly act.
Okay I listened to the whole thing. Boy that's got to be the most X-rated conversation I ever heard. lol
It just seems like more ignorance and stereotypes to me
Something about this guy rubs me the wrong way. It's like if you date him he's super aware that you're black. It doesn't sound like he has a fetish or anything. It just sounds like he has all these preconcievd notions of what black women are like. It is not fun to date a guy who's disappointed because you aren't black in they way they think you should be.
Like others have said a white man doesn't need to be "down" to date or approach a black woman. I wouldn't break up with a dude because he didn't want to eat hog maws with me. I can't stand white dudes that always have to assure me that they have rhythm and "flava". I guess the kind of women he likes to date are the type that needs a white man to be like that. He also called white women "cave bitches". Not cool.
It was nice to hear a white guy have a honest convo about dating black women though. I still don't like something about this guy.
I'm not going to lie, he looks and sounds sexy, but I couldn't help but notice the stereotypes he seemed to fall back on. It makes me wonder if his attraction to BW is purely sexual. Maybe he's sincere, but WM, just like BW are all different. I've been approached by various types of WM, not just the "White Chocolate" types. In a way it's comforting to date a WM who you don't have to explain why you have to wear a silk scarf to bed or certain cultural things about Black people.But yeah, very graphic and hot conversation. If I were single, I'd probably want to take "Mike" for a test drive. ;-)
@ Starkitty
How did you see this guys pics? I listened to him, he does have a nice voice, but where is his pic?
Simone
There are certain types of bw that you can just tell by watching or listening to them (especially if you around them often) they wouldn't dare date a wm. UNLESS like said he dresses, dances, talks "down".
*******
That does certainly exist. White men who have to have "flava" or be wiggers in order to date black women is a HUGE stereotype that I have consistently heard from black men, white men, and some black women themselves. It also may be part of the reason why white men are afraid to approach black women.
Stereotyping goes both ways as well. Alot of people including black folks have preconceived ideas of what constitutes black and how black women should act.
Honestly, for black women who are truly truly interested in WM like a guy for being themselves and not pretending to be something he's not.
He does not have to be down. I would date a nerdy white dude :)Hell I would date Kiefer Sutherland and Tobey Maquire types any day.
The interviewer really really bothered me. I am a little tired of white guys who are "into" black women and can talk all day long about how attractive and sensual we are but end up getting married to anyone but a black woman. This guy is the perfect example, having married a latino woman. Say whatever you want about white guys who are into Asian women, they have no problems marrying them. And enough with the steroetypes. I have always avoided white guys who have preconceived notions of what black women should be. With soul?? What the heck does that mean? I think it should go without saying but apparently not; black women are as varied and diverse as any other group. Some women like the "down" white guys. I avoid them like the plague.
Why would any white man want to date a bw? I don't mean to be ignorant, but ww are soooooo pretty. A wm who dates bw has no respect for himself.
I am a little tired of white guys who are "into" black women and can talk all day long about how attractive and sensual we are but end up getting married to anyone but a black woman. This guy is the perfect example, having married a latino woman. Say whatever you want about white guys who are into Asian women, they have no problems marrying them.
I agree, I felt it was the whole we are good enough to bed, but not to marry type of guy. I don't like folks like that. I am still trying to figure out why every other race is acceptable to actually marry except black women.
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Why would any white man want to date a bw? I don't mean to be ignorant, but ww are soooooo pretty. A wm who dates bw has no respect for himself.
Yes that's it. Not. Not all ww are pretty, we know this to be true.
I guess it's the mentality that some WM only see BW as sexual fantasies and they can't come to grips with wanting them for an equal relationship where there are actual feelings involved. You don't have to have deep feelings for someone to have sex with them. I think that some guys like "Mike" and I may be wrong, once you get past their "Swagger", they are actually afraid to confront their narrow ideas of BW because they are intimidated by them on some level. They don't want to get too deep or beyond the sexual aspect of it. In other words, they are pretty screwed up but have convinced themselves that they are so liberal or "Down."
@ Starkitty
How did you see this guys pics? I listened to him, he does have a nice voice, but where is his pic?
Simone
If you go into the comments section, his pic is in the lower right hand corner. His SN is mstone349
Where is his picture?
If you go on the site BlogTalkRadio.com/mstone449, you will see his pic in the right hand corner.
Turns out I was just confused because the talk radio link doesn't show up in the reader I use.
Okay Starkitty, I saw his pic. Thank you. He is cute.
I saw his profile... he's ok, but not really my type lol.
I found some of his comments offensive. Comments like 'darkest thing in the room', 'black as night' (while referring to his Camerounian ex) and 'cave bitches' (referring to white women).
There are all types of white guys who date black women. I prefer the preppy-looking white guys but Im not so sure what a white guy 'having soul' really means lol.
Not sure if it refers to the 'wiggerish' white guys.... who I dont really identify with.
This conversation got to be VERY mature and I can tell Alexyss (the interviewer) got all hot and bothered too lol. Hey, its all good.
There are all types of white guys who date black women. I prefer the preppy-looking white guys but Im not so sure what a white guy 'having soul' really means lol.
Not sure if it refers to the 'wiggerish' white guys.... who I dont really identify with.
I can see how this guy could be put into the latter category. But he has self described himself as having "soul". So maybe this applies to him. I had some issues with some of his comments as well.
Certainly when we speak in generalities in can be dangerous. So u don't HAVE to have flavor to date all black women, and certainly u can be a straight laced white guy. I dont pick up women in clubs. I'm almost 40 and spend zero time in clubs. That statement was made in regards to the interviewers question as to where I met that particular female that i dated(which was 15 yrs ago). I have no preconceived notions about how black women act I was simply sharing my experience. It's very interesting... the skepticism...that just because i married a latina that i am not sincere in my interest/attraction to black women...that somehow because i made the choice to marry a latina I am using black women for sex and not interested in them long term. The darkest thing in th room was a joke and a way that I express the fact that I am typically attracted to olive skin, brown skin black skin but take it for what u will.
-mstone449
the guy that was interviewed
I appreciate the fact you came to my blog :)
Yes generalities can be dangerous. In terms of your marriage to a latina woman. It seems to me this is a trend for many white men, but there seems to be this idea that it is ok to date, have sex, hang out with black women, but when it is time to actually settle down, you don't want a black woman as it is socially unacceptable. Maybe you don't feel that way, but historically we have been told this is the case.
Miscegenation laws weren't intended to keep black men from white women, but rather white men from black women. White men don't typically approach black women for various reasons, and when they do approach us it is met with caution as black women have been told time and time again that white men aren't really into wanting anything serious with a black woman.
I have met these men over and over again. They want me to date them, they want me to sleep with them, but they are scared of what their families or friends will think, and couldn't possibly be serious. It seems common to know a black woman who has dated a white man for a long period of time, but has never met his family or friends, and when they break up, the white guy ends up with a non black woman and rushes into marriage. That is what it seemed like. You say now you are divorced, 2 years out, and you are again dating black women, but not seriously. It made me, as well as others jump to the conclusion you were into "splitting the dark oak", but not really wanting to "settle" down with a woman of color, and for black women who are cautious of white men to begin with, which is many of us, even those of us who have pretty much exclusively dated white men, we have to wonder.
I hope that didn't come off as offensive, and maybe gives you perspective as to why the assumption was made, whether it was valid or not.
I also wanted to add that maybe black women are skeptical, because we know that the recent ideal that is perpetuated by mainstream hip hop, is for men to date as many women as possible and use them for sex, and be complacent with the idea that cheating is the norm, and that women shouldn't expect more. Many black women are expanding their options because they don't want to subscribe to that ideal, and it seemed that a lot of the talk was sex. Of course this was Alexyss K. Tylor, which is always about sex, so I definitely understand why the interview was a bit more sexual in nature :)
Wow, Siditty. Just WOW. I listened to the interview and realize the show was supposed to be about sex and the graphic nature of it didn't bother me in the least. Some of this guys stereotypes about black women were grating on my damn nerves. The one that killed it for me was "I'm not looking for a Condoleeza Rice...those people had all of the soul squeezed out of them, they're nothing more than modern day slaves". WOW. And then the ghetto host agreed with him.
As a modern day Condoleeza Rice type, I must say that I am ambitious, I grew up in a 97% white town which means 97% of all of my friends and 100% of my boyfriends were white. I sound white, my taste in music is almost always Rock, I'm Conservative politically, I do not excuse bad behavior in the CCBC, I don't eat fried foods, I don't listen to hip hop/rap, I don't date black men and it's hard as hell for me to find blacks to relate to. YET, I know more about my black history than any other "black down" black person I've ever met yet I'm told I have no "soul" by this assclown?? I'm not sorry I prefer Neil Diamond over Luther Vandross, roasted chicken over fried,naan bread over cornbread, etc, et al.. He sounded like a wigger Jew who was too afraid to marry a sista so, he married a latina instead because she was probably more acceptable to his family than one of us would be. According to this nit, I don't have soul but in my point of view, he tries to hard to be down and he lacked balls to stand up to his family on the marriage front. I've seen his type...claim they love sistas and marry anything but. That is why I stay away from his type and any black woman seeking a long relationship would be advised to do the same.
Sorry for the hostility but his generalizations about the type of person I am was way beyond fucked up.
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