2008-12-15

Black Female Sexuality



Black women seem to be some of the most sexual repressed women. We tend to look down on doing things considered sexy, and it seems that many times our goals is to be as asexual as possible.

Talking about sex is a bad thing. Wearing "revealing" clothing is considered a bad thing. Having sex outside the missionary position is considered whorish.

We tend to look at things in black and white, instead of grey. You can't be smart, well adjusted, and celebrate your sexuality. It seems to be a conflict of interest for many.

I guess I attribute black female repression to two things; religion and stereotypes.

Religion plays a big part in the black community. We are supposed to wait until marriage. Sex is for procreation, not recreation. To some sex is for the sole purpose of the man, as women are thought to not enjoy sex. Anything outside this norm is somewhat shunned. We are scared to be viewed as whores, which leads me to stereotypes.

Black women have a complex history of stereotypes when it comes to sexuality. We are on hand, mammies, non sexual women whose sole purpose is to care for others or mannish, as we are considered the polar opposite of feminine. On the other hand we are sex obsessed Jezebels, willing and able to have sex with any and everyone. We don't seem to have an issue with being considered asexual as that is a safe stereotype, but to display any trace of sexuality is turned into a negative. The percentage of black women who actually booty shake, I am assuming is very small and not the norm, but of the women who do partake in booty shaking we have cast the blame for the ills and stereotypes of black women, stereotypes that have existed for centuries prior to hip hop and strip clubs. We also need to look at how many times we assume "freaky stuff" is done by white people. We like to think they are sexually depraved. The stereotype of white women who dated black men was they were willing to do any and everything that black women wouldn't do.

I in this post am not suggesting that we should all go out and purchase tube tops and miniskirts, but at the same time, I don't think that we should hide our sexuality for fear of fulfilling a stereotype, or that we should downplay one aspect of ourselves to play up another. Intelligence is not determined by what we wear, and we can be multi-faceted and be both sexy and intelligent.

44 comments:

simone said...

I will be the first to say I am not anywhere near repressed. I love sex. I don't have it alot, but I love it.

I do feel white women have more sexual freedom. I mean no one says anything about the Girls Gone Wild videos. If black women are dancing in videos we are whores. Even in Sex and the City. Those women can practice sexaul liberation without the world going "see I told ya" I think if you want to have sex with a different man every night you should be able to do so without people saying anything. As long as you are responsbile and not sleeping with peoples significant other. I will say it here. Yay FOR SEX. IT FEELS GOOD AND I LOVE IT.

はろにか said...

"Having sex outside the missionary position is considered whorish."

Who said? LOL

What is that saying?.... I'm paraphrasing here: Men want a lady in the daytime and a freak at night.... I've heard this plenty of times. Although, who is going around looking into black folks bedroom windows to see if it is true!

Latina women are also said to be "hot in bed" or "Passionate" (why do they get to be "passionate" but we are "jezebels"), white woman "easy lays" (but like simone said, this is "okay"), and Asian women, I have no idea. Although Japan is known for it's "Love Hotels" and Porn Industry! That is the least sexually repressed country, but they leave it in the background.

These stereotypes were a way to shift blame from the horny white men, because their white wives could not fathom their husbands would actually find our dark skin and full shapes sexy and attractive.

Our full lips, enlarged breasts and buttocks are a sign of fertility.

Simone said: "As long as you are responsbile and not sleeping with peoples significant other."

It's all good!!

This post made me realize it's been a loooong ass minute! O_o

Zindzi (aka BGP) said...

Girl, I was always told that BM dated WW cause they'd do "anything," so imagine my confusion when I learned that BW were supposedly the hoes of the century? That mess didn't add up to me. It's all a mess of lies created to keep us in unhappy and docile places.

As for my own sexual repression, I'm slowly coming out of it. As Simone said, "yay for sex. It feels good and I love it." Amen!!!!!!

HoneeB said...

I think you hit the nail on the head. I believe that your personal sense of morality and how you want to conduct yourself inside and outside the bedroom is nobody's business. I like being seen as an intelligent, caring, together, feminine, sexy woman instead of some shrew that looks like she would wear a guy's nuts on a string around her neck. Is "Sex In the City" was about 4 black female friends, we would still be hearing the hew and cry about it (the only criticism SITC gets now is about the "age" of the women). On a related but kinda off-topic note, if I hear another black person talking about "black women's bodies" I will scream--as if we are all shaped the same. God saw fit to abundantly bless me above the waist, but gave me just enough butt and hips. I can't relate to having a "donk" unless I get some kind of radical surgery LOL

Kat said...

Intelligence is not determined by what we wear,
*************

I think we have to be realistic about this. What we do wear does reflect how someone initially thinks of you.
---

We can be multi-faceted and be both sexy and intelligent.
**********

Instead of sexy, how about classy.
Classy girls are what guys show to their parents.

chimeziem said...

at school, i go to parties and have the time of my life, yet come monday i'm back on the books and keeping it classy. it's impossible for me to hide my full curves, so i don't, i just enhance them in a graceful way. i feel like i've found the balance between being seen as a sexual object or a student. i haven't had sex, and i'm still waiting on marriage for that...partly because i'm afraid of getting too attached to someone that i'm not in love with/doesn't love me, and i really only wanna be that freaky with one person, LOL. do i feel sexually repressed? not quite.

Zindzi (aka BGP) said...

Chime: Keep thinking just like that! I can tell you, sex DOES complicate things and most women aren't socialized to be able to have sex without emotional attachments. Honestly, now that I've started having sex (only been a year), I wish I hadn't started. But, I have, and it's pretty enjoyable, so emotional attachments be damned! LOL.

212542 said...

"What is that saying?.... I'm paraphrasing here: Men want a lady in the daytime and a freak at night...."

It's a Lady in the street and a freak in the sheets.

(fŭng'kē) [blak] [chik] said...

I remember growing up I was told it was considered 'nasty' to do certain things in a relationship & I held on to those ideals way up until my early 20's...

But all I gotta say is,

"Free at last, free at last"!!

blackholesun said...

If you think about the women's movement since the 1800s it was mostly white women. The black women were mostly in the abolitionist movement. Black men's right to be free were seen as more important among the male abolitionists than women's right.
It's just that black women never really were in women's rights for sexual liberation and whatnot. It's seems kinda hard to be against black men that were sexist when they were already down.
But all this has a play on black women's sexuality. They didn't really have a movement. As opposed to white women.
(Well all this came from my womens' studies class.)

simone said...

at school, i go to parties and have the time of my life, yet come monday i'm back on the books and keeping it classy. it's impossible for me to hide my full curves, so i don't, i just enhance them in a graceful way. i feel like i've found the balance between being seen as a sexual object or a student. i haven't had sex, and i'm still waiting on marriage for that...partly because i'm afraid of getting too attached to someone that i'm not in love with/doesn't love me, and i really only wanna be that freaky with one person, LOL. do i feel sexually repressed? not quite.

==============================

You are fine with your decision. I say sex feels good and it is. But I will tell you the best is when you are in love. It goes far beyond the physical, way into emotional and spiritual. That feeling during those times is bigger than the both of you. So if you wait, wait.

simone said...

Instead of sexy, how about classy.
Classy girls are what guys show to their parents
--------------------------------

Why not both? I feel it's possible to have sex appeal without trying to have it and still be classy. Some people just have sex appeal.

simone said...

I like being seen as an intelligent, caring, together, feminine, sexy woman instead of some shrew that looks like she would wear a guy's nuts on a string around her neck. Is "Sex In the City" was about 4 black female friends, we would still be hearing the hew and cry
----------------------------

The nuts on a string around the neck is so freaking hilarious.

I was thinking that same thing about black women being the four friends on SITC. You might have black folks calling the damn NAACP crying exploitation. People literally do think we are either repressed or sluts. No freedom to just be, according to some. I have written little sexual stories to help express myself and it does help with releasing sexual tension, when I don't want to physically have sex.If I acted on my sexual urges all the time instead of using other outlets like writing about them, I would be on my back all day. I still feel that if a woman wanted to, black or white she should be able to have sex when she feels like it. Especially if she knows what she wants and is honest with herself about what she wants.

Nicole said...

I don't know if black women are more promiscuous,but here are some stats from the CDC. The rate of chlamydia among black American women was over eight times higher than that of white women in 2006. The rate of gonorrhea among African Americans was 18 times greater than among whites in 2006. In 2006, the rate of primary and secondary syphilis was nearly six times higher among African American women than among whites, reflecting a substantial decrease in disparity over recent years.

A study presented in 2008 revealed that around 26% of young American women aged 14-19 are infected with at least one of the four most common sexually transmitted infections. The study found that African American teenagers are most severely affected; around 48% of young African American women have an STD, compared to 20% of young white women.

HoneeB said...

I don't know if black women are more promiscuous,but here are some stats from the CDC.
****************************
That just goes to show that when we don't protect ourselves or cherish ourselves enough to demand what we need in relationships, that the price for us is high. This doesn't mean that black female sexuality is wrong or that black women are some walking, oozing sore--we just need to place a premium on our own well-beings, is all.

Jordan said...

This may be inappropriate, so I apologize, but man does that woman in the first pic look so good! :-)

classical one said...

When I had a photo of Buffy the Body on my sidebar, I had a deluge of negative comments. I saw at is a simple admiration of a woman's figure, but apparently there were many people who disagreed.

Anonymous said...

Oh dear...

I would loathe it if some asshole compartmentalized my sexuality into one of two groups...as if there isn't a whole lot of complexity in the in-between.

I AM a complex being. I don't advertise my sensuality in an OBVIOUS manner. I find the less intelligent an individual is, the more inclined they are to assign male/female roles of what one should look and act like to regarded as a sexual human being.

I simply don't want to attract the kind of man who would limit me to my body type or looks. I'll leave that for simple women who need the attention from their boobs, ass and weaves. Quite frankly, I feel I'm above that. And I'm also, often alone. The world is filled-to-the-brim with simpletons.

But alone, does not mean 'sexually repressed' or inexperienced or unliberated. Maybe it means the focus is on quality vs. quantity...an essence and soul and a nurturance between partners, rather than a shallow need to fulfill a socially acceptable display of sexuality.

I suppose that's why, as a fat black woman, others might perceive me as sexless/manless/virginal/butchy/can't get any. Lordy, if they only knew. Highly brilliant men have historically been very attracted to me, but I'm not always attracted to them enough to form a relationship and have sex with them, and consequently, I have done a lot of rejecting. That's right. ME. The FAT BLACK CHICK has done the rejecting. But because most people have this fucked-up idea of who's wanted, who gets laid and who is desirable, they couldn't ever conceive of such a thing.

Being alone and wanting a relationship and a sexual relationship on my terms doesn't make me sexless or lacking in sexuality. Maybe I'm just more secure than black women who need to be attached to someone (anyone) in order to prove their worth? Who knows.

And another thing. There's absolutely nothing new, liberating or forward-thinking about having sex with men that are below one's ideals. It's refreshing to have sex when a deep sense of love and connection have bonded two individuals. Who does that nowadays?? There seems to be a rush to be paired-up or seen as sexual to be validated. Unfortunately I live in a backwards society that believes an excess of sexual partners makes them cool, wanted and scorchin' hot. How pathetic!

Anonymous said...

Nahh, I would say the most sexually repressed people? Republicans.

LOL! I keeeeed, I keeed!

212542 said...

Nicole, be careful when you talk about statistics when you get into STD's etc...
Black women make up (compare to white women who are the majority) a very small percentage of women.
So the stats are always going to look somewhat skewed.
Not that there aren't any black women getting STD's but it's hard to take 7% (bw) and compare the rates of STD's to white women who make up probably 30%+ of the population.

Anonymous said...

I disagree that holding biblical views of sexuality makes one repressed. There is freedom in obedience to God's word. I don't have to worry about pregnancy, stds or carry emotional baggage from men who only wanted to sleep with me and never talk to me again.

I can leave relationships that are not working and not feel as though I was being used. The men who stick around are men who are more worthy of me.

I guess sleeping around has never been appealing to me, especially since seeing the aftermath that so many women experience. It is a wonder why women don't encourage more chastity.

Inda Lauryn said...

I discuss in black women and sexuality all the time though it's usually within the arena of pop culture. I don't feel there are any easy solutions to how we view black female sexuality but I know that one of the problems is that it is still viewed within the confines of racially and gendered constructions of sexuality within the larger mainstream culture. This affects not only how others perceive us but also how we perceive each other.

I feel fortunate to have gotten to the point where I think sex is bad except for that one circumstance (within marriage for procreation). I don't feel the need to judge consenting adults for what they do and I don't feel that anyone else has the right to judge either. I think we need to open our views and dialogue concerning sexuality and how it is presented in various forms. It is dangerous to suppress this dialogue.

I also wanted to address something that blackholesun said. You have a point when you talk about the disparities in struggles focusing on black men or white women, black women have been active in the fight to control our own bodies for centuries. I don't know if your class will read DARK CONTINENT OF OUR BODIES, but it should. It's all about our struggle between sexuality and respectability. Unfortunately, that struggle is still relevant now. I'll stop now.

http://conceding2kismet.blogspot.com

ishtastic said...

I'm not AT ALL repressed, but I think I suffer what a lot of Black women do... I suffer from superwoman syndrome - mama, career woman, daughter, sister, community activist, etc. There's no time for sexy diva in there. I've learned I have to make an effort now.

When I was younger, I used to walk down the street and exude sexuality. Now, I have to wake up, wash it off, step into it, zip it up, fiddle with it all day so it stays in place... It's a lot of work.

My friend is a fabulous photographer. She talked me into doing a boudior shoot for her portfolio. Ever felt like nothing but a mother and an employee? Try posing nude wearing nothing but leopard pring stillettos.
'till next time...

simone said...

My friend is a fabulous photographer. She talked me into doing a boudior shoot for her portfolio. Ever felt like nothing but a mother and an employee? Try posing nude wearing nothing but leopard pring stillettos.
'till next time...
---------------------------
That sounds fabulous and fun. I know of someone who took beautiful tasteful nude photos. Very artistic. You definately do not feel like you are just looking at a naked body. Just art.

Miriam said...

I think stereotypes should carefully be placed in a box and the box carefully sunk in the ocean.

Everyone should just do their thing. Stereotypes will always be.

Siditty said...

I will be the first to say I am not anywhere near repressed. I love sex. I don't have it alot, but I love it. 

I do feel white women have more sexual freedom. I mean no one says anything about the Girls Gone Wild videos. If black women are dancing in videos we are whores. Even in Sex and the City. Those women can practice sexaul liberation without the world going "see I told ya" I think if you want to have sex with a different man every night you should be able to do so without people saying anything. As long as you are responsbile and not sleeping with peoples significant other. I will say it here. Yay FOR SEX. IT FEELS GOOD AND I LOVE IT.

Simone,

We are on the same page. The SITC women do not represent all white women, some of those women were straight up hos, and it didn't reflect upon the whole entire white race.

Embracing and saying you enjoy sex does not make you a whore, it makes you someone who enjoys sex. As long as you are responsible in protecting yourself, there should be no problems, and there is nothing wrong with self love either :)

---------------

What is that saying?.... I'm paraphrasing here: Men want a lady in the daytime and a freak at night.... I've heard this plenty of times. Although, who is going around looking into black folks bedroom windows to see if it is true!

I think it is true, guys do want a lady, but they want someone who doesn't liken sex to a chore either.

These stereotypes were a way to shift blame from the horny white men, because their white wives could not fathom their husbands would actually find our dark skin and full shapes sexy and attractive.

That is exactly what it was.

----------------

Girl, I was always told that BM dated WW cause they'd do "anything," so imagine my confusion when I learned that BW were supposedly the hoes of the century? That mess didn't add up to me. It's all a mess of lies created to keep us in unhappy and docile places.

I think so too. I didn't know how we became the hoes, but obviously we are the hoes, even though I was told white girls did the nasty things like oral sex, and that black women didn't do such nasty things ::rolls eyes::

------------------

I believe that your personal sense of morality and how you want to conduct yourself inside and outside the bedroom is nobody's business. I like being seen as an intelligent, caring, together, feminine, sexy woman instead of some shrew that looks like she would wear a guy's nuts on a string around her neck. Is "Sex In the City" was about 4 black female friends, we would still be hearing the hew and cry about it (the only criticism SITC gets now is about the "age" of the women).

Exactly, but it is more acceptable to be seen as a shrew than as a sexual being. I don't understand why? People tend to get offended so easily when it comes to the female body and it seems based in puritan christian ideals to have "shame" in your body, versus embracing your body.

-------------------

On a related but kinda off-topic note, if I hear another black person talking about "black women's bodies" I will scream--as if we are all shaped the same. God saw fit to abundantly bless me above the waist, but gave me just enough butt and hips. I

God gave me abundance in everything. Boobs, butt, and thighs, my husband has no complaints LOL

--------------------

I think we have to be realistic about this. What we do wear does reflect how someone initially thinks of you.

That is true, but why in the hell do these stereotypes exist? If you wear a skirt that someone else thinks is too short, does that mean your intelligence is diminished? Does that mean that all you have to offer is your body instead of you mind? That is the point of this whole entire post.

Instead of sexy, how about classy. 
Classy girls are what guys show to their parents.

Guys like sexy girls and sexy and classy aren't mutually exclusive.

----------------------

at school, i go to parties and have the time of my life, yet come monday i'm back on the books and keeping it classy. it's impossible for me to hide my full curves, so i don't, i just enhance them in a graceful way. i feel like i've found the balance between being seen as a sexual object or a student. i haven't had sex, and i'm still waiting on marriage for that...partly because i'm afraid of getting too attached to someone that i'm not in love with/doesn't love me, and i really only wanna be that freaky with one person, LOL. do i feel sexually repressed? not quite.

That is how it should be, you balance yourself, and holding out for marriage doesn't make you sexually repressed, it is a decision you make based upon your own moral aptitude. Sexuality isn't always about the actual act of sex, but rather how we accept and embrace our bodies.

------------------------

eep thinking just like that! I can tell you, sex DOES complicate things and most women aren't socialized to be able to have sex without emotional attachments.

Very true, most women aren't able to do that at all.

Siditty said...

I remember growing up I was told it was considered 'nasty' to do certain things in a relationship & I held on to those ideals way up until my early 20's...

But all I gotta say is,

"Free at last, free at last"!!

Isn't the freedom refreshing LOL

------------

t's just that black women never really were in women's rights for sexual liberation and whatnot. It's seems kinda hard to be against black men that were sexist when they were already down.
But all this has a play on black women's sexuality. They didn't really have a movement. As opposed to white women.

very true, the feminist movement focused primarily on white women and black women didn't actively jump on the bandwagon as we had other freedoms and rights to worry about.

By the way your name is so Soundgarden :)


-----------

Why not both? I feel it's possible to have sex appeal without trying to have it and still be classy. Some people just have sex appeal.

So true!!!!!!


--------------

I was thinking that same thing about black women being the four friends on SITC. You might have black folks calling the damn NAACP crying exploitation. People literally do think we are either repressed or sluts. No freedom to just be, according to some.

There was a animated movie called "Sistas 'n' the City", which is like SITC, but for black women, but I don't think it was successful in the least. If it had gained any type of notice, I am sure people would have protested.

I still feel that if a woman wanted to, black or white she should be able to have sex when she feels like it. Especially if she knows what she wants and is honest with herself about what she wants.

Exactly!!!!!


---------


I don't know if black women are more promiscuous,but here are some stats from the CDC.

That study has been questioned several times, as the samples used came from people who admitted and went to clinics that were considered "high risk", you are getting the college educated women in the free clinic, they have insurance. If this study tells us anything, it says that black women need to focus on learning about and demanding safe sex practices.

It doesn't mean black women are promiscuous.

Siditty said...

That just goes to show that when we don't protect ourselves or cherish ourselves enough to demand what we need in relationships, that the price for us is high. This doesn't mean that black female sexuality is wrong or that black women are some walking, oozing sore--we just need to place a premium on our own well-beings, is all.

Exactly HoneeB

-------------

This may be inappropriate, so I apologize, but man does that woman in the first pic look so good! :-)

Jordan:

Buffy the Body, I think C1 has admitted his crush on the woman, she is in high demand :)

-------------

When I had a photo of Buffy the Body on my sidebar, I had a deluge of negative comments. I saw at is a simple admiration of a woman's figure, but apparently there were many people who disagreed.

C1:

That is that apprehension or fear that a white man is using them for sex, insecurity that the stereotype is true. I personally think you are a single guy, and guys married or single look at women. Playboy, King, and Blacktail magazines aren't necessarily about the articles.

---------------

I AM a complex being. I don't advertise my sensuality in an OBVIOUS manner. I find the less intelligent an individual is, the more inclined they are to assign male/female roles of what one should look and act like to regarded as a sexual human being.

Why is intelligence in your mind tied to how a looks?


I simply don't want to attract the kind of man who would limit me to my body type or looks. I'll leave that for simple women who need the attention from their boobs, ass and weaves. Quite frankly, I feel I'm above that. And I'm also, often alone. The world is filled-to-the-brim with simpletons.

Most men go for looks, that is the intial attraction, to take it beyond just the physical attraction is based upon much more, but I have never had a man approach me and tell me he thinks my mind is sexy. My husband fully admits what attracted him to me initially was my butt, obviously to be together nine years, there is more to our relationship than my butt, but that is the initial attraction. Men are visual creatures for the most part and this is what attracts them to women, the other aspects come after that.

But alone, does not mean 'sexually repressed' or inexperienced or unliberated. Maybe it means the focus is on quality vs. quantity...an essence and soul and a nurturance between partners, rather than a shallow need to fulfill a socially acceptable display of sexuality.


So if you exude sexuality you are not quality? You are only quantity? You can be both quality and sexual? Sex is not the only thing that drives sexuality, and I hate to say it, but sometimes sex, even within marriage is not always about "an essence and soul and a nurturance between partners". Sex is a basic need for people, and sometimes that needs be to fulfilled. Call me shallow, but sometimes I just like sex, and there is nothing wrong with that in my opinion.

Being alone and wanting a relationship and a sexual relationship on my terms doesn't make me sexless or lacking in sexuality. Maybe I'm just more secure than black women who need to be attached to someone (anyone) in order to prove their worth? Who knows.

Why is it assumed a black woman is attached to someone to prove their worth? Why are they not with someone because they actually care and love them? Wow that is a big assumption to make.

And another thing. There's absolutely nothing new, liberating or forward-thinking about having sex with men that are below one's ideals. It's refreshing to have sex when a deep sense of love and connection have bonded two individuals. Who does that nowadays??

Sex and sexuality aren't the same thing. No one said to have sex with men that are "below one's ideals"

---------------

Nahh, I would say the most sexually repressed people? Republicans.

LOL! I keeeeed, I keeed!

Hey, don't be getting me into trouble :)

Siditty said...

Not that there aren't any black women getting STD's but it's hard to take 7% (bw) and compare the rates of STD's to white women who make up probably 30%+ of the population.

Very true. I have always questioned that study. It is well known that black people tend not to go to doctors as much as their white counterparts, and that might have a strong impact on this study, as well as the fact that the sample is supposedly questionable as well.

----------------

There is freedom in obedience to God's word. I don't have to worry about pregnancy, stds or carry emotional baggage from men who only wanted to sleep with me and never talk to me again.

You don't have to worry about pregnancy, stds, or emotional baggage if you choose to have sex responsibly either.

I can leave relationships that are not working and not feel as though I was being used. The men who stick around are men who are more worthy of me.


Women regardless of being overtly sexual or sexually repressed should have that goal should they not?

Again, there is a difference between sleeping around and liking sex. I can say I have turned down sex many times, and I can still say I openly and honestly enjoy sex, and don't feel it is a bad thing.

For some reason many people here equate embracing one's sexuality with hooking on the corner, there is a big difference.

I guess sleeping around has never been appealing to me, especially since seeing the aftermath that so many women experience. It is a wonder why women don't encourage more chastity.

I don't understand why chastity is this value that we should encourage when we are complex beings, and sex or sexuality is one part of that complexity. I don't feel that enjoying sex or masturbation makes one a person who lacks morals or intelligence, I don't think it is

-------------------

I don't feel there are any easy solutions to how we view black female sexuality but I know that one of the problems is that it is still viewed within the confines of racially and gendered constructions of sexuality within the larger mainstream culture. This affects not only how others perceive us but also how we perceive each other.


So very true, I think we have as blacks embraced the stereotypes thrown at us, making us believe the hype as well.


I feel fortunate to have gotten to the point where I think sex is bad except for that one circumstance (within marriage for procreation). I don't feel the need to judge consenting adults for what they do and I don't feel that anyone else has the right to judge either. I think we need to open our views and dialogue concerning sexuality and how it is presented in various forms. It is dangerous to suppress this dialogue.

So very true. Sexual education is important, not just for younger people, but older folks as well. We need to discuss the realities of sex, I think that if sex was discussed, the good and the bad, that we would be better for it overall. Pretending sex doesn't exist has been dangerous for the black community.

---------------

I'm not AT ALL repressed, but I think I suffer what a lot of Black women do... I suffer from superwoman syndrome - mama, career woman, daughter, sister, community activist, etc. There's no time for sexy diva in there. I've learned I have to make an effort now.

So true, I think black women do have this belief we have to be any and everything, sometimes at a detriment to ourselves.

LOL @

When I was younger, I used to walk down the street and exude sexuality. Now, I have to wake up, wash it off, step into it, zip it up, fiddle with it all day so it stays in place... It's a lot of work.

My friend is a fabulous photographer. She talked me into doing a boudior shoot for her portfolio. Ever felt like nothing but a mother and an employee? Try posing nude wearing nothing but leopard pring stillettos. 
'till next time...

That is what I am talking about. In no way did you disrespect yourself, you took the time to wake up something you put on the back burner for a while :)

-------------

I think stereotypes should carefully be placed in a box and the box carefully sunk in the ocean.

Everyone should just do their thing. Stereotypes will always be.

Me too Miriam :)

simone said...

So if you exude sexuality you are not quality? You are only quantity? You can be both quality and sexual? Sex is not the only thing that drives sexuality, and I hate to say it, but sometimes sex, even within marriage is not always about "an essence and soul and a nurturance between partners". Sex is a basic need for people, and sometimes that needs be to fulfilled. Call me shallow, but sometimes I just like sex, and there is nothing wrong with that in my opinion.
===============================

Exactly, sometimes the animal comes out and a couple just does the next thing, rip each others clothes off. It's not that complicated.

simone said...

For some reason many people here equate embracing one's sexuality with hooking on the corner, there is a big difference.
==============================
OMG so true. It's like 1650 Salem Mass up in here.I respect peoples beliefs but goodness. You are not a whore if you think about sex or like sex. Or practice masturbation. At least if you do that you are safe. Maybe I feel this way because I am older than most here, but I don't recall being uptight in my twenties either. I did not sleep around but I never felt like sex was taboo. I was always taught to be responsible. I also never felt like liking sex diminshed me in anyway.

Nancy said...

this might sound bad but all of my life i've been surrounded by promiscous women/girls, as i grew up in the "hood." when i'd hear black men say that white women were freakier than black women, i thought, "how could that be, when they always complain that we know too much?"

i didn't realize so many black women felt ashamed of their sexuality, though. this is new to me. i still haven't seen much of this IRL. maybe cuz i'm not around many black women these days.

Anonymous said...

Sex is a basic need for people, and sometimes that needs be to fulfilled. Call me shallow, but sometimes I just like sex,
_______________________________

And see, this is where we disagree Siditty. Sex/sexuality/sensuality/ attraction/love is very complex for me. There's nothing 'basic' about it. I'm not calling you shallow, but I would say your overly-simplistic body-sex-orgasm experience seems shallow (to me). And most people are just like you and have simple sex needs to fulfill. You have a lot of company in that respect. And I do admire it, because if I had the same outlook, I would have plenty, plenty notches on my belt.

I guess your post pissed me off, because the implication was that women who choose not to display their wares in an obvious manner are somehow sexless therefore unliberated, while women who do are more liberated, therefore more sexual. Sexuality seems more external for you, but for me it's all internal. Anyway, this post annoyed me.

You know what else annoyed me...sorry I'm in the mood for bitchery...the oft repeated phrase that "men are visual." What does this mean? That women aren't equally visual? That men only have sex and relationships with conventionally pretty women? I think the opposite is true, actually. The majority of men seem to have more confidence going after an average-to-slightly unattractive woman than a pretty woman.

Anonymous said...

"That study has been questioned several times." I don't think that study should be questioned that much, because when one considers that 80% of all new HIV infections are black women, it's not hard to believe that black women are being exposed to other STD's as well. The CDC is a very reliable source.

Suesue said...

i agree with the comment someone made about sex and the city...

212542 said...

"...because when one considers that 80% of all new HIV are black women..."

What does that mean? That one week 8 BW came in a clinic and it was reported that they had HIV vs only 2 WW coming in with HIV?
Like I said before when it comes to diseases for AA the numbers tend to look alarming because you're going by a very small demographic.
There are still more WW walking around with HIV/AIDS.
Black women are like 7% of the country. How many have HIV/AIDS out of that 7%? I don't know I'm going to guess maybe 3%.
Unless you can tell me less then 3% of WW have HIV/AIDS it still stands that there are more WW walking around with that disease then BW.
You just don't hear about it because they are a larger demographic therefore the numbers for them don't look so alarming.

Also keep in mind this is something the media would likely never break down.
They'll just tell you out right AA are such and such new HIV cases or such and such are the highest incarcerated etc...leaving you with the feeling that blacks are about to be extinct. Or telling others (mainly whites) stay away from blacks they got deadly diseases.

simone said...

And see, this is where we disagree Siditty. Sex/sexuality/sensuality/ attraction/love is very complex for me. There's nothing 'basic' about it. I'm not calling you shallow, but I would say your overly-simplistic body-sex-orgasm experience seems shallow (to me). And most people are just like you and have simple sex needs to fulfill. You have a lot of company in that respect. And I do admire it, because if I had the same outlook, I would have plenty, plenty notches on my belt.
-------------------------

I know this was not addressed to me but maybe for you sex is more complex than just satisfying a physical need. Nothing wrong with that. I think it can be for most of us. Even those of us who just simply want sex and nothing more. I will admit there are times I feel that way. Then there are times I want to have more. That is just the way I feel sometimes. I actually want sex all the time. But like I mentioned before I cannot just go and act on it all the time. I practice restraint because I don't want to get caught up. It still does not stop the thoughts from coming. I can understand and respect how you feel about this subject. I also feel like sex can be complicated and sometimes it's not depending where you are in your life. there are lotsof women out there who just want to get laid. I have friends who are waiting for the right man to come along to share themselves with. One of them is horny as hell while waiting. It has been ten years for her. She is thirty five and decided she wanted to wait on marriage. She wants more of a spiritual connection. But she still has the urge to just have sex. I mean she fights it really really hard. She is human and that doesn't make her needs simplistic and I don't think Siditty has a simplistc view about it. It's very healthy. Afterall she is married and like alot of married couples they have times when they make love and times when they F***. ( I don't mean to say that you and your hubby do that Siditty, but I assume that about most couples because of my own experience)Sorry for being so blunt but it is true. I think. You cannot tie sexuality up in a little box and expect for it to be all neat and tidy all the time. It's not. Sometimes it is primal and you need a release. With your man or with yourself. Like I mentioned before just be safe. I hope I did not offend anyone. If I did I apologize.

Siditty said...

There's nothing 'basic' about it. I'm not calling you shallow, but I would say your overly-simplistic body-sex-orgasm experience seems shallow (to me).

Sex can be many things. It can be stress relief, it can be a coping mechanism, it can be about passion. It can also be about power. I have learned early in my life to separate sex and love because my exposure to "sex" or "sexuality" did not come from a traditional means. I would hate to think that my exposure was nothing more than a coping mechanism and a power move on the part of the other party. There is no compassion in sexual assault or abuse, and for people like us, it is very easy to compartmentalize. I don't call that shallow. Sexuality doesn't lead to abuse, but there is a primal, basic, cruel instinct on the part of the person who feels it is ok to use sex as power. I can't fathom someone consciously doing anything from that perspective using sex with compassion or with some deep seated meaning and connection. There is no connection in my mind.

Dark Moon said...

i didn't realize so many black women felt ashamed of their sexuality, though. this is new to me. i still haven't seen much of this IRL. maybe cuz i'm not around many black women these days.

I agree. The Rape Duke case and the fact that the black stripper turned out to be a liar and thus many people were foaming at the mouth becuase she was a black woman and thus she must be lying in the first place.

And what about Karrine Steffans. She epitomized the black jezebel and continued to bask in her notoriety as a "superhead". On the one hand most men figure they understand Black women sexuality in these extreme cases of promoiscuity rarely are we accorded the sexual flexibility that is often assumed for Non-Black women.

The asexual image (which is only cultivated in the black church for appearances--outside that we are seen as baby makers and fast hussies) is I think strictly mythologized by White women who need a wet nurse so that they can emotional and psychically dump on Black women.

Anonymous said...

Black women sexually repressed...naw. Perhaps the sexually repressed ones would believe this to be true for all black women, but we have women amongst our ranks that get down.

Supahead, for starters...lol

Anonymous said...

Young black women are at highest risk of STDs, compared to other young women. In 2004 for example, the gonorrhea rate among black women ages 15 through 19 was 14 times greater than among white females the same age (2,791 cases per 100,000 black female teens versus 202 per 100,000 white female teens). Among women ages 20 through 24, the gonorrhea rate was 12 times greater among black women than among white women (2,565 and 209 per 100,000, respectively). The rates of primary and secondary syphilis were 16 times higher among black females ages 15 through 19 than among their white peers (6.5 and 0.4 cases per 100,000, respectively). Among women ages 20 through 24, the rate was 15 times higher among black than white women (13.4 and 0.9 per 100,000, respectively).


From 2000 through 2003, HIV and AIDS rates for African American females were 19 times the rates for white females. Moreover, black women accounted for 67 percent of all new AIDS cases among women in 2003 while white females accounted for 15 percent. Yet, black women constituted 7 percent of the U.S. female population and white women constituted at least 35 percent.

In 2003, black teens (ages 13 through 19) comprised 66 percent of AIDS cases in this age group, although they represented only 15 percent of the teenage population. White teens comprised 11 percent of AIDS cases and accounted for 63 percent of the teenage population.

According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), black youth comprised the largest single group of young people affected by HIV. As of 2001, they accounted for 56 percent of all HIV infections ever reported among those aged 13 through 24.

Anonymous said...

Those sex in the city female were whorish and at the same time trying to be innocent.


a.f.

212542 said...

Since STD's know nothing about color anyone can get it, black, white etc... Maybe young BW need to be more educated when it comes to various diseases.
Maybe they need to stop listening to young black boys when they whisper sweet nothings in their ear, just so they can sleep with them.
This is just a couple of things that would make BW at higher risk for STD. It's not because STD's hate BW. lol
Also like I've said in my other post Anonymous (I know you're the same person) you have to take demographic into consideration.
I'm a young bw and I'm certainly not at "risk" for any kind of STD.
Why? because I keep my legs close and I've never done a single drug in my life.

roslynholcomb said...

I knew this would be an issue with my latest book, Try A Little Tenderness. My heroine is a stripper, and boy have I caught hell for that. Even though by the end of the book she's a perfectly respectable doctoral candidate microbiologist I still catch beef for the fact that she's stripper.

Repressing our sexuality hasn't served to rid us of these horrific stereotypes. In fact, they've probably done just the opposite.