OK, I have noticed the increase in Anonymous comments on my blog, and I have no problems with Anonymous folks posting, but sometimes I think that is where the trolls come from. I also want to acknowledge that I have noticed some of my followers follow my blog, along with others that don't really mesh with the demographic of this blog. If you frequent a blog about a black woman married to a white man, and then turn around and go to blogs like Mr. Laurelton Queens and Black Men Confronting The Lies And Distortions, I start to wonder what your intentions are of coming to my blog.
Recently I stumbled over to Mr. Laurelton Queens blog, and I wasn't happy with what I saw, in matter of fact I responded to him. Probably in not the nicest way possible. In matter of fact, I will go ahead and just quote myself in response to this posting.
This is such BS. Seriously, you want to believe this to be true, but number one, most of the black women in the world, much like much of the black men in this world, didn't grow up in the ghetto. Some of us grew up in the suburbs. I make no qualms about being one of six black kids in my high school. One of three in my elementary schools, and in case of private schooling, one of two. Living in republican, redneck Texas, I have met many a white guys parents, and there were no problems. As of recent, at least, no one has ever accused me of downplaying my blackness, a negative of living in a white neighborhood is, you never have the convenience of not realizing that you are black. Overall I can say, even with my obviously black ass, I could still pull a decent white guy, and many black women can. There are many black women who can pull a decent guy of any race, you and people like you, just don't think so.
My husband didn't have to "settle" with me. He isn't considered ugly by any stretch of the imagination, is educated, and makes six figures. He wasn't hurting for women in order to "settle" for me. The problem with black men like you is you feel that black women should have to "settle" because you don't think they are deserving of love or are "beneath" you and most black males. Just because you don't think black women are not deserving of your love, and because one white guy on a eHarmony message board doesn't think so, doesn't mean that we aren't. Some of us grew up with loving families where our black fathers loved our black mothers and helped raise their families, and we realized what a healthy relationship was, regardless of race.
You are right, no man of any color wants a desperate women, but no decent women of any color wants a desperate man so eager to degrade, humiliate, and bully a woman into choosing a mate, based upon skewed statistics and warped perceptions.
Like you said, "Bitch Wake Up".
Note in this posting he is insulting Evia, who can't stand me, and her followers flock over here on a regular basis to berate me, and I still responded. He also posted a vlog of someone, I don't necessarily agree with either (I kind of tuned her out after she went on a rant about how horrible black Americans are). Yeah, hell did freeze over. I just don't subscribe well to the bullying, degrading, and insulting of black women and their intelligence, no matter who does it.
I don't quite understand why folks who dedicate whole blogs to sell out black women, even care about them, those are the women they don't want anyways, so why would they be so eager to talk about them, if they aren't desirable choices for them. I talk about white men a lot because that is what I am attracted to, and that is what I am married to. So yeah I focus a lot on race relations between white and black people. Call me crazy, it is a concern or issue I had when dating.
65 comments:
dang siditty, you laid down the smackdown
Sweet heart,
I dont always agree with Mr Laureton Queens but do please keep in mind that he has no interest in you or your relationship! He is merely attempting to defend the integrity of himself and other Black men who are racially abused by the likes of Evia and Sara!
Like I said, I do not always subscibe to his methods, so yeah, I'm sorry you got caught in the cross-fire but then so to has this particular Black Brit!
Thanks.
Menelik Charles
London
There are plenty of men and women of all stripes that think black women are inferior. But, that doesn't stop me from being romanced and married to a tall, handsome white man and being treated with such kindness and consideration. Black men who are frustrated that we women are in happy relationships, well, I'm not sure what to say about that.
Evia can't stand you? I'm shocked and can't imagine why. I don't agree with everything she says but I agree with her overall message (black women expanding our options). Regarding this comment:
I don't quite understand why folks who dedicate whole blogs to sell out black women, even care about them, those are the women they don't want anyways, so why would they be so eager to talk about them, if they aren't desirable choices for them.
We have to remember that black women have an image of only desiring and supporting black men no matter what. It shocks people to read about and hear from black women who aren't necessarily attracted to black men. What bloggers like Mr. Laurelton do not understand is that they are proving Evia and all other bloggers like her right with their low opinions of black women. I'd say that both Evia and Halima's blogs are excellent strikes against black misogynists. We need more blogs that do the same. I'd have to say though, that your blog is great because the focus is on bw and nonblack men instead of constant gripes about black men.
I don't know the whole story, but I hope that all bw empowerment bloggers can find common ground.
I also want to acknowledge that I have noticed some of my followers follow my blog, along with others that don't really mesh with the demographic of this blog. If you frequent a blog about a black woman married to a white man, and then turn around and go to blogs like Mr. Laurelton Queens and Black Men Confronting The Lies And Distortions, I start to wonder what your intentions are of coming to my blog.
Since I am one of those people I wiil respond. I am not "pro-black" nor "anti-black" nor "pro-interracial" nor "anti-interracial". I think that consenting adults should be free to do as they please with who they please. However please spare people the horsecrap and just do it. I frequent this blog because I think it is a good example of a blog that focuses on interracial relationships without bashing other people.
When I read that you were married for 10 years and pregnant, I was happy for you. Two people happy together make the world a better place than two people miserable alone or two people miserable together. In a way we are more on the same "side" than opposite sides, as it would offend me if someone constantly used my family's life and situation as Evia and Sara do when they shamelessy and without authorization plaster photos of interracial couples and "draft" them as their unofficial spokespeople for Evia and Sara's BS.
I do notice that Mr. Queens lapses into "fits" and I and Menelik have called him out on it, letting him know that the he will undermine his own efforts. At least Mr. Queens acknowledges his flaws and responds to accusations of them, unlike the "Dynamic Duo". If they didn't tell lies, distortions, Hypocrisies, and then censor, people like Queens, Rocky, and me would not have started our own blogs as a response.
Also by joining other blogs, sure, I am trying to get my blog out there. I did notice that someone pratically copied the contents of one of my posts here on Siditty(about domestic violence) about 8 eight hours after I posted it, without saying where they got it from. Hmmmm...
Oh, and I also I come here because you are linked to many other blogs that I like to visit once and a while and I am too lazy to link to them myself.
And for the record this is my first and only post here so far under any identity. If people feel like this is trolling or want to call me whatever name, then fine. I like to and will always attempt to stick to the issues.
That guy (I refuse to call his name) is an attention starved little brat. Why is he so consumed with "sellout Black women?" He claims that IR bloggers bash Black men, but that's not always the case. Many times they're not even talking about Black men.
That is the crux of the matter: it bothers him that somewhere in the Universe, Black men are not the center of Black women's attention, lol. He is truly hateful and immature, yet oh so amusing!
I dont always agree with Mr Laureton Queens but do please keep in mind that he has no interest in you or your relationship! He is merely attempting to defend the integrity of himself and other Black men who are racially abused by the likes of Evia and Sara!
I promise you, Evia and Sara are not fans of mine, but at the same time, why would you frequent a blog in which it seems his main objective is to insult "sellout" black women? Why not focus on black men finding suitable partners black or not?
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Evia can't stand you? I'm shocked and can't imagine why. I don't agree with everything she says but I agree with her overall message (black women expanding our options).
Lomarie,
I was vocal about my views of IR between black woman and non black men, and how I felt that we shouldn't even be focusing on black men, much less bashing them to justify preferences or relationships with non black men. That didn't sit well. I also don't like that if a black woman doesn't subscribe to the belief of non-black is better, she is labeled a "mammy".
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Since I am one of those people I wiil respond. I am not "pro-black" nor "anti-black" nor "pro-interracial" nor "anti-interracial". I think that consenting adults should be free to do as they please with who they please. However please spare people the horsecrap and just do it. I frequent this blog because I think it is a good example of a blog that focuses on interracial relationships without bashing other people.
To be honest, I wasn't talking about you, what I was talking about was the increase in the number of anonymous folks posting negative comments about white men and/or black men. I don't believe in bashing people to justify my preferences. Many times I have openly questioned my preferences and why I have them. I don't want this to be a bashing site of any sort.
In terms of my post about Rihanna and Chris Brown, I can assure you my post was based upon my observations after seeing the pictures of Rihanna after the beating. I typically am more than open to giving credit when credit is due on issues or topics I post that are inspired by others. I love blog linking, I feel it is a great way to get exposure to blogs, and fully support it.
In terms of the person in question. I can't see how anyone can support his ideals, considering how insulting he is to black women. He referred to a woman as "Celie", trying to imply she was homely and down trodden. I also note that he attempted to post the names and address of an IR couple that had a now defunct IR blog on craigslist. I will also say that couple had one of the best IR blogs out there, and as a result of him and others like him were chased off. Never once was there a bash black men attitude there, instead they sided with me on why black men shouldn't even be discussed in the realm of IR between black women and non white men. Stalking people and posting their private information is something that is a big no no to me. I have a big issue with that, and he rants on fat black women, or being mad that some black women value their education. I don't see how insulting black women furthers the agenda of black men.
Mr. Laurelton Queens is disgusting. Whenever someone confronts him on his hatred he denies it or talks around it. He's unwilling to fess up to having hatred for Black women. I never understood how someone who claims he's in a relationship with a Black woman would care so much about what Black women who date interracially are doing. I think he was rejected by Black women and this is his way of getting his anger out about it. He needs therapy and mental help.
The bright side (there is one) to his nasty blog is that I know to avoid clowns like him. Who'd want to be around someone so miserable?
And the images on the site! So tasteless and tacky, and the arguments that various of them are true representations of black women and white men dating/intermarrying, with no indication of where the images came from and whether they are truly representative.
Beyond that, the focus on "sell out black women" leads to the impression that all black women who date/marry interracially are sell-outs, and that black men can't be sell outs, both of which can undermine his cause.
There are black women who might not agree with all of Evia's message, ie., don't believe in bashing, but they are legitimately concerned that black women are required to adhere to a standard of racial loyalty that not all black men will adhere to themselves.
The classical argument is that black women should be loyal and that black men's relationships with non-black women are merely casual.
Yet, even though most black men are married to black women, the numbers of black men married interracially is higher than black women's, which means that there are some non-casual relationships turning into something long-term.
There might not be any statistics on black men and women in casual non-marital relationships, but I imagine there is some similarity there, that there are more black men with non-black women than black women with non-black men--casual dating, or whatever, and perhaps living together.
So think of various black women who are seriously looking for black men to date. They are told to stick to their race, while there are black men who are saying I'm with a non-black woman now, but I'll eventually get back to being with black women.
Are they supposed to buy the okey-doke and say that the double standard is fine? Or are they supposed to exercise their freedom and date whomever they please?
There are black women starting to say that the latter is what they should pursue, and some of these are black nationalist women who believe they bought into an ideology that required them to adhere to a one-sided bargain.
I just visited the site. People have way too much time trashing people they apparently have no interest in. What exactly is that guy's motive, the complete destruction of Black Women?
I'm convinced that people like Laurelton Queens are sociopaths who use the Internet as therapy to air out their issues because it's cheaper than hiring a shrink. I have never understood why anyone would go to the blog of someone who's viewpoint they clearly disagree with and waste keystrokes arguing back and forth with that person and other people who don't agree with them. Aren't there more constructive things to do with one's time??? If this guy hates Black women so much, then he must hate his mother, I presume? He needs some real therapy...
lol this has to be dejavu or something. One of my youtube friends made a video about Mr. Laurenton today. I've visited his blog once and all I could gather is that he's just angry and bitter. Why does he seem upset at the thought of some black women dating white men, yet tells black men 'go get a latin woman' lol. One thing I cannot stand is the hypocrites out there who contradict themselves in every possible way.
Calling black women who date or marry white men sellout? How much more immature can these 'men' be? What did he sell to those black women and for how much? And what self respecting man would go about calling black women 'nappyhead' and all sorts of derogatory terms. How much more immature can this 'man' be?
That being said, I do read Sara and Evia's blogs... dont always agree with everything they write, but I very much like the way they discuss IR relationships... just like you do, Siditty.
I was talking about was the increase in the number of anonymous folks posting negative comments about white men and/or black men.
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Siditty can you give us an example of what you're talking about?
I tend to read blogs across all points of view, including many I absolutely abhor, like that women blow the trumpet blowhard. I truly believe in free speech and the individual's right to self-expression. ESPECIALLY IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY. We don't ever have that range & variety in the public sphere, so as much as I despise some of these bloggers, it would never occur to me to limit myself to only bloggers I agreed with or to sabotage the efforts of those bloggers I disagreed with. To disagree and critique? Yeah, maybe...if they can handle the conversation. But I find a lot of bloggers are insecure. Some can't handle it if you poke holes in their long didactic dissertations about nothing.
What I don't like is someone attempting to undermine and sabotage me in my personal life, simply because they didn't like what I said on my blog. My statements were pretty controversial to a lotta folk who didn't have the intelligence or sense of personal truth to deeply explore some of my postings. It's one of the reasons I chose to get rid of my blog and become 'anonymous' instead.
It felt invasive, especially since I still don't know who hated me so much (on my blog and in real life), they gleefully waged this campaign against me, which seems to have grown legs in the following months. It makes me feel that people, for the most part, are untrustworthy lowlives and I am less likely to be open nowadays. I just hope that what happened to me, doesn't happen to other bloggers, because you can easily feel like you're living in a glass box with people looking in and seeing some image somebody (who doesn't even know you) has painted. And they're too many spectators and I can't do much to stop the machine.
Although I think bloggers like Sara and Evia are delusional, Trumpet & Laurelton are ridiculous, and a bunch of others are equally or more annoying, I applaud them for saying what they want.
Siditty, first I want to congrataulate you on your pregnancy. Hope you have a beautiful healthy baby :)
Now, since I discovered many of these IR blogs, I really liked reading them because it gave BW the space to talk about something that is perfectly ok.
Then the atmosphere and tone of some of the blogs changed. I think that some of the blogs kind of ruined the discussion of IRR between black women. Why? I don't know how many times I or anyone else can say this...black men should not be brought up when talking about IRR between BW.
Sorry to burst the bubble for some BM, but my interest in dating men of other races and ethnicities has nothing to do with black men. And I know that is the case for many other BW.
I can't say that I'm surprised by these "rebuttal" blog by BM because I knew there would be BM who would discover these IR blogs and harp all over them. I think those blogs are stupid because they are just as one sided as some of these other blogs. It seems like if BM are not at the center of BW attention, thats not going to settle well with some.
Another honest, no bullshit post, Siditty.
"I also note that he attempted to post the names and address of an IR couple that had a now defunct IR blog on craigslist. I will also say that couple had one of the best IR blogs out there, and as a result of him and others like him were chased off."
I miss their voices. The attacks on this couple was a wake-up call for me that some have an agenda & anyone that goes against that agenda is a HUGE threat. My question went from 'why are black women undesirable?' to 'why do so many want/need black women to believe they're undesirable?'
The truth is there's nothing courageous or honorable about kicking someone that's already under the wheels of the bus. As a matter of fact, the only reason for continued abuse is fear that they'll find the strength to throw the bus off, get up and walk away leaving you with noone to abuse.
Siditty, stop talking to crazy people. Isn't this character the same guy who's been emailing folk claiming Evia is a Nigerian man or some other such nonsense? Personally, as someone who has dated/mated IR for almost half my life I really don't see the fascination with it, but I suppose that's just me. I don't understand how so many people are fascinated enough to blog about continuously. Even moreso I REALLY don't understand how so many others are fascinated enough to blog about them blogging about it continuously. It makes my head hurt. People need to spend more time focusing on getting themselves some, because apparently a whole lotta of folk don't have enough business of their own. I've never seen so many people so desperately in need of a good knobber in my life. Damn.
Wow.
I just read all these thoughtful comments about your post and other IR blogs, and it simply blows my mind that the kind of behavior that you're illustrating goes on in the blog world.
I thought that this kind of juvenile behavior was confined to the chat rooms (having seen so much of the stuff that I now have to use hip waders when I participate).
In any event, I find you to be an incredibly tolerant and insightful young lady, and I was glad to come across your blog via Classical One's now closed blog.
I'm a WM who has always loved Black women as I grew up with Black people. (Where I live is 80 percent Black). So I'm no backwoods redneck or elite "blue blood" who has never actually interacted with other groups as equals. I just wanted to add a couple of notes here. This all makes me think back about a couple of BM "friends" I lost. Turns out they actually didn't like me very much, judging by what they let slip out around other BP, when I wasn't around. One of these "friends", as I found out much later after the fact, would actually hit on a BF that I had been dating for some time every time I would leave. The other basically changed when he finally realized I actually loved Black women, and was just saying so. I saw a side of him I didn't know existed, and suddenly he had no use for me. Strange, too, when you consider this one actually would brag all the time about sleeping with this white girl or that. I couldn't care less as I have never been attracted to WF's. I guess me with a BF didn't do anything for his ego. And you know, I wasn't even mad, but I was extremely sad and confused. The double standard in that arena I was not yet aware of. Now, I get mad about such things...
Speaking of mad, that's what explains Mr L.Q. and his ilk. I'll sum it up nice 'n neat:
They are MAD at you, whom they feel belong to them, because you are involved with WM whom they HATE. It's a simple explanation. All the pathologies they exhibit on this subject really stem from that. Isn't it obvious?
"Note in this posting he is insulting Evia, who can't stand me, and her followers flock over here on a regular basis to berate me, and I still responded."
That's another thing he and his posse do. If you disagree with them they call you an Evia/CW/this-that worshipper. I read all those IR blogs, contribute to them and I take what I can from them, but if it doesn't pertain to me I ignore it. I don't always agree with what's said, and I also don't think White men are the panacea to the dating ills of a single Black woman. (I prefer to date interracially because I just like it. No political agenda behind it.) MLQ and his followers refuse to believe that Black women are capable of having autonomous thoughts outside of Evia et al. To them, all Black women are "hoodrats," "low-class," "thug-worshippers," etc. I too have a hard time believing that people believe that the photos from HotGhettoMess.com and Mugshot.com are real photos of normal, everyday Black women. (Shaking my head!)
I had the nerve to post a comment on his blog and he twisted my words. He really is a disturbed human being. Nuts like him make me wish I studied psychology past 101 in college.
Siditty,
I have visited Mr. Laurelton Queen's blog as well as others in that category. I don't agree with all of their views but I find it interesting to read blogs that I disagree with. I try to read all sorts of black blogs, so that my thinking will constantly be challenged. My latest post discusses some of the IRR blogs and how I feel about that whole issue. I love your blog because it presents a balanced view of IRR issues without bashing anyone. Keep up the good work. I don't comment often, but I'm always reading.
Hey Siditty - how's the pregnancy coming?
Anywho...
Mr LQ is someone I believe hates IR relationships. I think he believes that the only reason a BW would buy the okey-doke of dating/marriage with a WM is because of some past grievance with BM or Uncle Ruckus type of Self hatred. I also think he ignores the fact that some BW do not see themselves in the breeder role/backbone/sole cultural supporter for the black community. I think he ignores that BW can be rooted firmly in their blackness and not be married/dating BM. He assumes that all Whites are mean-spirited racists, both in and out the closet. Given that, I am highly suspicious when he denies a hatred of BW. I am downright doubtful that his agenda is to protect the BM image from BW bashing it (who just happen to be in IR relationships). Go after media images that portray BM in a poor light like What About Our Daughters. Interview men from black fraternities and organizations like 100 Black Men.
As far as Evia and those aligned with her ideology, I was turned off at Mammy-gate. The cult traditions that developed from those blogs (such as acronyms, intent substitution, severe censure in light of challenging accepted ideologies) also made me suspicious and uneasy. Hence, I am a lurker on those sites with the intention of never posting a comment.
I didn't even know that Mr LQ had a blog. I know that he harassed AngryBlackCat quite a bit. In reflection, I did not see where ABC bashed black men but rather saw that Mr LQ has an issue with BW in IR relations whom he referred to as sell-outs. He even went as far as to suggest misfortune to BW in IRR's. I think that Mr. LQ and is ilk are indicative of the gender wars that's going on (like on YouTube).
All and all, I am very mistrustful of Mr LQ and his ilk. While I do not think that all BM are like these men, such things have certainly given me reason to pause when dealing with BM.
I don't have a whole lot to add. The last anon summed it pretty well with
They are MAD at you, whom they feel belong to them, because you are involved with WM whom they HATE.
That guy is a certified psycho. I remember last year when he was posting CW's picture and making defamatory statements about her on Craig's List last year, in direct violation of the terms of use. I did not know he was the one who ran off the married couple bloggers. Why is it that the non-hate-based
IR bloggers are always the ones who get chased away?
Anyway, he's crazy, his views are batshit crazy, but at the end of the day I'm living my life, my bf and I are happy, and some sad little internet sicko is shut away in his apartment frothing at the keyboard over relationships some bw he says he doesn't even want are having with white and other non-black men. I think I found his picture.
"add a couple of notes here. This all makes me think back about a couple of BM "friends" I lost. Turns out they actually didn't like me very much, judging by what they let slip out around other BP, when I wasn't around."
LOL! This sounds very familiar. I remember back home, I had friends married to WM and the African men just assumed the marriage was a joke. I had a male friend who was determined to visit one of these African women living abroad to sleep with her and show her what she was "missing" LOL! There is this silly assumption by BM that WM can't sexually satisfy BW. Now why would a woman stay married long with a WM if her needs where not being met?
And the pecking order even goes further. African men think AA men are less male than them. A friend of mine was recently giving me a lecture on how I will be wasting time dating an AA man because the Western lifestyle has taken away crucial "abilities" LOL!. He chalked it down to the diet. According to him they can't handle the "job" LOL! For a split second there I was sold. I have found black males to have the same attitude towards WM. What they don't realize is there are many reasons why some black women prefer WM. One of which may be their very nature that is different from the black males.
Grata you are right about the nature of white men being different than black men. I will not go into the detail of what I think their nature is compared to black men, but there is a difference. I guess you could attribute it to alot of things. Please don't misunderstand me as putting white men on a pedestal or making it out that I think black men or less than white men. I am speaking from experience. I work around and interact with white men all the time so I cannot help but notice the differences. I guess that is why I prefer white guys. The european ones in particular. I work around alot of european white guys. Such a different outlook on life. I love it.
SIMONE
You go!!!! Don't let these "internuts" get you riled up again. You let them have it good, wipe your hands & be done with them!
His sexism is beyond belief, not only the things he says about women in interracial relationships, that they are all sell-outs, but in his own mindset, his attitudes towards women.
Thank God I have minimize my interactions with sexist men like him, of the type who would say, like he did, "I run my relationship (with his fiancee) with an iron fist".
In his mind, white men are always lacking, they are black women's patsies, and these are women who no longer know what a "real man" is.
Lord, if I ever find the need to date sexist men like him, I need to be whacked!
There is an old saying, that sane and smart people don't argue with crazy fools, because one might not be able to tell the difference!
I think that definitely applies to him....
Wow, very admirable of you Siditty, sticking up for a fellow blogger, especially one you're not terribly fond of.
I'll admit I've lurked on other IR blogs that tend to bash BM (although they state their intention is not to bash BM, that's exactly what they do) as well as MLQ and Black Men Confronting the Lies and Distortions, but more so for balance. My journalist training (despite the fact that I never went into journalism) makes me seek out opinions and viewpoints that I don't agree with in order to challenge my own thinking (don't know if that makes sense).
That being said, I agree with previous posters: MLQ is batsh*t crazy. He says that he's only targeting "sellout" black girls, but the language he uses (calling "sellout" BW nappy headed hos, for example) is insulting to all BW...and it seems that any BW in an IRR is deemed a "sellout." If anything, I think BW in IRR are more aware of their blackness, not less (or that could just be my experience).
Your blog is wonderfully written, insightful and shows that not all black people are the same...it defies the mainstream stereotypes of what it is to be black. I fear the MLQs blog simply perpetuates the stereotypes of BW in particular...and it makes me sad that he seems to have so many BW followers. Although I did notice some of the commenters tried to (respectfully) counter MLQ's arguments, more often than not they seem to be dismissed as sellouts or followers. Sad indeed.
Yanmommasaid: " I think I found his picture."
LMAO!!! Hehe hehe!!! You're still funny as hell. I miss seeing you on the blogs. Hope you're keeping well :)
Sid,
So much time on the internets is spent wading through masses of hot buttered stupidity, and your blog is a refreshing alternative to all that. You discuss race relations and IRRs with intelligence, humor, grace, and bracing honesty, which is most appreciated. I found your blog after running like the hounds of hell were after me from the delusions served up at Evia and Halima's blogs, and it was like an oasis in the desert: no bashing of BM, BW, or the BC at large, no self-loathing, no elevation of WM to saviors or panaceas, and a realistic approach to the overall topic. Don't waste your energy wondering about those missing synaptic connections. Just because you have access to a computer and functioning phalanges doesn't mean you need to be blogging. Mr. LQ would be better served seeking out a good therapist (not me, dear lord!) and working out his ish in private, instead of spewing his convoluted cruelty on the net. But unfortunately, with freedom comes foolishness, as my grandmother always used to say...
Siditty, are you even surprised? Many Black men would rather put a Black woman down than see her happy with someone else. Many Black women are out in the world accepting abusive relationships because they feel like they can't get better elsewhere.
This man is attempting to scare the black woman and keep her in "her place." If not why would he dedicate and entire blog to blasting Black women, White men relationships.
.and it makes me sad that he seems to have so many BW followers.
What??? Why would any BW buy into his insane ideologies? They must be as lost as he is. It's obvious that he has a huge chip on his shoulder about any BW who dares to "think outside of the box."
I can't believe someone with such a hateful blog is dumb enough to put where he worked on the blog (Time Warner Cable). Maybe someone should tip them off to their employees internet ventures.
I don't believe that someone who is supposedly engaged to a wonderful woman and the time on his hands and bitterness in his heart.
"I can't believe someone with such a hateful blog is dumb enough to put where he worked on the blog (Time Warner Cable). Maybe someone should tip them off to their employees internet ventures.
I don't believe that someone who is supposedly engaged to a wonderful woman and the time on his hands and bitterness in his heart."
He's probably lying. I doubt anyone like him has a great job and a wonderful woman. He sounds too ghetto to be on the high rungs at TWC, and no woman in her right mind would put up with him!
What Sara and Evia can't stand you? I believe it. You actually TALK about what it's like being in an IR relationship and not busy bashing like they are. I'm not going to lie I go to his blog a lot but I don't agree 100% with everything he says he does make a few points I agree with.
Hey Siditty,
I always enjoy your blog. In fact it is one of my favorites. I have started a blog call The Blacker the Berry it is at www.mahoganyberry.blogspot.com. I would love it if you could check it out and maybe add it to your blog list. The blog is a tribute to dark skinned Black women. My hope is to give them a place to talk about relationships and feel refreshed and renewed, because they are seeing themselves put into a positive light.
Did I mention congrads on the New baby and being married for ten years? If not congrads! :)
bring the hammer-punch!
i'm mostly black myself and have dated white guys for a while - definately not an i hate other men in fact i have dated other men and it's funny that i get confronted about it by my family.
i am in support of dating the man who respects you and himself.
Evia and Sara, etc. have the right to speak their mind. I love both of them. I am not in an IR, but I can understand completely where they are coming from - Black women should expand their horizons, just as Black men have already done.
Out of all black-white marriages, over 60 percent are composed of BM/WW. Only 5 percent of Black American women marry non-Blacks, while close to 15 percent of Black American men marry non-Blacks. So, obviously Black women need to do more or risk being single for life.
It would be better to disagree with Evia and Sara, but not badmouth them since they have many valid points that need to be heard.
I have gone to IR websites where Black Men have no problem at all explaining why they hate Black women and love White women. So, I don't see what's wrong if there are a few Black women out there encouraging Black women to explore their options.
Mr Laureton Queen needs help and prayers.
So why was my blog mentioned? I don't bash black women and I promote bw/bm relationships. I criticize black male bashing by a small, yet vocal number of black women.
Evia and Sara, etc. have the right to speak their mind. I love both of them. I am not in an IR, but I can understand completely where they are coming from - Black women should expand their horizons, just as Black men have already done.
Out of all black-white marriages, over 60 percent are composed of BM/WW. Only 5 percent of Black American women marry non-Blacks, while close to 15 percent of Black American men marry non-Blacks. So, obviously Black women need to do more or risk being single for life.
It would be better to disagree with Evia and Sara, but not badmouth them since they have many valid points that need to be heard.
I have gone to IR websites where Black Men have no problem at all explaining why they hate Black women and love White women. So, I don't see what's wrong if there are a few Black women out there encouraging Black women to explore their options.
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Now I agree with you 100%
So why was my blog mentioned? I don't bash black women and I promote bw/bm relationships. I criticize black male bashing by a small, yet vocal number of black women.
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and this is exactly why your blog was mentioned do you criticize black female bashing by a large yet vocal number of black men?
So why was my blog mentioned? I don't bash black women and I promote bw/bm relationships. I criticize black male bashing by a small, yet vocal number of black women.
--------------------------------
You follow a site where black women are constantly being bashed and say absolutely nothing against it. SILENCE MEANS CONSENT!
What Sara and Evia can't stand you? I believe it. You actually TALK about what it's like being in an IR relationship and not busy bashing like they are. I'm not going to lie I go to his blog a lot but I don't agree 100% with everything he says he does make a few points I agree with.
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OK raina come on. I've seen you on his blog. You barely disagree with him. Most of what he says is filled with vitriol against black women!
@ Siditty,
I don't know about Sara, but as for Evia, I find it rather hard to believe she hates you or your blog. I go to her blog and I don't ever recall seeing your blog being mentioned. Her blog is spoken about much more here.
I don't agree with everything she says but I will benefit from whatever I can. Also, her blog has morphed into a black woman empowerment blog. It is no longer just an ir blog so it would be unrealistic to expect everything she posts on now to be totally about bw and ir.
I don't know about Sara, but as for Evia, I find it rather hard to believe she hates you or your blog. I go to her blog and I don't ever recall seeing your blog being mentioned. Her blog is spoken about much more here.
That is complete BS, her blog is mentioned here so much because people like Jess and many anonymous folks come over here to bash me for being a
"black man apologist". I haven't made a post in reference to her or her blog in YEARS. I made a post on White men not being saviors of the black community, and they acted a damn fool. She had people on her blog calling me everything but a child of God, and said nothing, she just giggled. Trust me, she doesn't like me. On her blog it was common place for people like me to be called "mammy" because I didn't think it was important to discuss black men in the realm of IR relationships. She has made postings about this blog and others. She was upset that folks got offended at the "mammy chronicles", or whatever that mess degrading black women was called, which they found hilarious.
It is no longer just an ir blog so it would be unrealistic to expect everything she posts on now to be totally about bw and ir.
No one expected her blog to be about IR, but it was disturbing the amount of hatred and stereotyping of black men that went on there. This blog isn't about IR either, but many people assume it is such because I talk about it, but I also talk about race relations in general, feminism, world news, and the like, but I guess because I talk about my marriage and my dating experiences, it is an IR blog to some.
I hate how if you don't 100% agree with them, they're dismissive. I've had quite a few of my comments edited or not used at all because they don't fit their standards. Right now, I posted on one of their blogs discussing Black misogynists, and because I'm not 100% on their boat about being in complete fear of the online misogynists, I was told I was in "denial." I just don't think I should fear someone who's faceless and nameless. I'm more afraid of those who threaten me in real life (the guys hanging out on the street for instance).
And yeah, I've seen the "If you don't agree with what I'm saying, then don't post here/don't read my blog!" posts they have. The term "agree to disagree" is a foreign concept to them. I agree with moderating comments from trolls (cursing, name-calling, trouble-starting), but some of these bloggers completely stifle their readers from commenting. I don't think Evia stopped allowing comments because she wanted her readers to get offline and take action in their lives per se, but I feel she got tired of people not agreeing with her! I hated how way back when she started a spinoff blog (Clearing The Air) to dissect and attack commenters who didn't agree with her.
I'm at the point where I don't comment as much on them anymore as I used to. They can be awfully divisive.
Yeah on one blog, someone actually called me a bitch and they just all laughed and dismissed it. As long as you agree 100% with the message, the denigration and absolute insulting of black women is permitted (i.e. the mammy chronicles or diaries or whatever that mess was)
Golden Silence said...
I hate how if you don't 100% agree with them, they're dismissive. I've had quite a few of my comments edited or not used at all because they don't fit their standards. Right now, I posted on one of their blogs discussing Black misogynists, and because I'm not 100% on their boat about being in complete fear of the online misogynists, I was told I was in "denial." I just don't think I should fear someone who's faceless and nameless. I'm more afraid of those who threaten me in real life (the guys hanging out on the street for instance).
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1. I saw this and it was not on Evia's blog but on Khadija's blog. Secondly, if I recall properly their issue with you was that on one hand you said the reason you or some readers don't speak up when the bloggers (e.g. evia) are beign unfairly attacked is because they are afraid and on the other hand, you then went on to say that you were not scared of faceless people online.
2. As for the editing, the ONLY editing that I saw done was when you were talking about how a particular blog attacks black women (or something like that) and you put the name of the blog there. The blog name was edited out and replaced with a dash (so as not to promote it). If you are going to criticise them for doing something atleast be truthful about it.
3. As for being 100% 'on their boat', I find that point to be complete BS. What are the chances of two human beings completely agreeing 100% of the time? They disagree and 'agree to diagree' all the time on their blogs.
As for being 100% 'on their boat', I find that point to be complete BS. What are the chances of two human beings completely agreeing 100% of the time? They disagree and 'agree to diagree' all the time on their blogs.
I know you might not agree, but I can say my personal experience on those blogs, Sara, Evia, Halima, etc. is that they do indeed edit and delete comments that don't fit into their ideals. Ask Miriam about her experience with Evia. She was on board with Evia, but simply because she questioned something she was considered a traitor and mammy. You say you don't see them talking about folks, but then you are the very type of person I talk about when I mention folks coming here to berate and insult people who don't align themselves with Evia and Sara
Siditty said...
Yeah on one blog, someone actually called me a bitch and they just all laughed and dismissed it. As long as you agree 100% with the message, the denigration and absolute insulting of black women is permitted (i.e. the mammy chronicles or diaries or whatever that mess was)
---------------------------------
The women who were calling you names and throwing personal attacks are quite obviously silly and stupid people. My issue with this though is that why should the idiocy of a commenter be used to defame the character of the blog host? If a particular commenter left hideous comments here, should I use that to form an opinion of you? Different blog hosts censor at different levels. As far as I know, when Evia still used to accept comments, she rejected comments that were derogatory, uneccessarily divisive etc. It was only on Sara's blog that I have seen such type of comments.
AS for 100% agreeing with the message, take what you feel benefits you and trash the rest.
On the 'Mammy chronicles' issue, I was never for or against it. I read them and found some things funny and some things that I initially felt were inappropriate. What changed my mind was the reaction to it. On talking with those who took issue/offence at it, the reasons were usually the following:
1. It was highliting obesity/weight (a thorny issue among black women) and some felt it was an attack on them
2. Some said that the 'mammy' character had behavioural characteristics that was similar to their mothers/aunts etc. This one really shocked me because I felt that the character was ridiculous and that it was not proper to portray someone in such a negative light when that type of person didn't even exist in the first place (i.e. I felt it was a made up stereotype).
I do not see how it was denigrating to black women. I can see how things like 'Madea' are (because that plays on a stereotype of black women just to entertain others) but in my opinion, the 'mammy chronicles' attempted to shine the light inwards and it seemed that there were black girls/women who recognised some of the attitudes/behaviours in themselves or others they knew. If it makes them realise that such behaviours are inappropriate and unacceptable, then I see it as a good thing.
On a last note, I believe the reason Evia stopped accepting comments was not because she didn't like anyone disagrreeing but because she was receiving too much abuse and so decided to suspend the comments section.
why should the idiocy of a commenter be used to defame the character of the blog host?
Because the blog host actively participated? You again blindly defend people without knowing the whole story.
If a particular commenter left hideous comments here, should I use that to form an opinion of you?
Typically if someone leaves a hideous comment here, I usually vocally say something about it.
As far as I know, when Evia still used to accept comments, she rejected comments that were derogatory, uneccessarily divisive etc. It was only on Sara's blog that I have seen such type of comments.
Trust me on this one, I know comments I have personally posted that did no such thing that were banned on both Evia and Sara's blog, a reason I came to the conclusion I did about them. Anything that didn't seem to agree with the message didn't get posted. Then I know Evia blatantly lied about some folks and their comments, and when the original emails and comments were posted on the person in question's blog, people came attacking.
On the 'Mammy chronicles' issue, I was never for or against it. I read them and found some things funny and some things that I initially felt were inappropriate.
Yeah it was insulting.Making fun of fat people is insulting. So is comparing folks to a stereotypical, racist character. I don't know why folks were offended or found it inappropriate. Also I find it funny that you feel the only reason people were offended were because they were fat themselves and/or they knew someone who fit the stereotype. I found it offensive because I find that it was just as racist as the typical KKK propaganda to prove how inferior blacks are to other races. Self hate isn't any better than that in my personal opinion.
I do not see how it was denigrating to black women. I can see how things like 'Madea' are (because that plays on a stereotype of black women just to entertain others)
It was something used to entertain others, even if the others were black women, it was denigrating, but I see things from a different perspective than you.
On a last note, I believe the reason Evia stopped accepting comments was not because she didn't like anyone disagrreeing but because she was receiving too much abuse and so decided to suspend the comments section.
When she was accepting comments she was blocking them left and right, and not always due to abuse. I always delete the "die evil n*gger b*tch" comments because they add no value to the blog, but I do not block comments that disagree with my viewpoints, I feel everyone should have the right to speak as long as it is done in a respectful manner, whether or not they share my viewpoint.
Anyway this stuff is years old by now and at this point I find no need to continue a conversation with someone who has made up their mind without knowing the WHOLE story and not the story spun to them. Hell if C1's blog was still up, you would see how quickly they turned on him for defending folks that weren't on the same page as them.
Siditty said...
I know you might not agree, but I can say my personal experience on those blogs, Sara, Evia, Halima, etc. is that they do indeed edit and delete comments that don't fit into their ideals. Ask Miriam about her experience with Evia. She was on board with Evia, but simply because she questioned something she was considered a traitor and mammy. You say you don't see them talking about folks, but then you are the very type of person I talk about when I mention folks coming here to berate and insult people who don't align themselves with Evia and Sara
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1. If that is the experience you had, well then so be it. The only times (apart from derogatory comments) that I know of Evia deleting/rejecting comments was when some black women would come and post commenst like 'when black men see this they will begin to come back'. Evia said that she rejected such comments because they were not in line with what her blog was trying to achieve. She was encouraging bw to expand their dating options for THEIR OWN happiness and not as a way to 'get back' at black men.
2. I still see Miriam posting and having conversations on those blogs (unless if we are not talking about the same person but i think we are).
3. I did not say that I do not see 'them' berating other folks. What I said is that I have not seen EVIA writing bad or berating your blog or others. As for Sara, I wouldn't know because I stopped going to her site a long time ago because I found myself disagreeing with almost 95% of what she said on the ir front and I felt that there was nothing on her site for me. So if she talks about you, I really wouldn't know. As for me being the type of folk you were talking about, I have been coming to this site for ages. The first post I remember seeing was the one were you went to a restaurant with your hubby and the waiter didn't seat you. That was around the time I began coming here. I never even knew that you were among the bloggers who had beef with Evia. By the time I came to your blog 'mammy-gate' had already happened. I have NEVER come here or to any other blog to insult people. Even when i am on 'that deranged guy's' website (the one you posted a comment on) I don't even insult him (atleast I try not to). As for the comments I have typed on this post, please show me were I have berated or insulted anyone. If you are going to attack me, atleast let it be for something I have actually done. I did not come here from a link from any other site. A link to your site is in the favourites on my google toolbar so I'm just here as someone who reads your blog regularly and just happened to have come in time for this converstaion (cos usually when I come, u guys have already finished commenting and I come in too late).
Anyway, thanks for the conversation. I have meant no offence by anything I have typed so my apologies to anyone who might have taken offence.
Foxy, why are you debating with everyone? I was on your side when you were dealing with Laurelton Queens (because he is a buffoon and illogical), but now you're here debating us for no reason.
"1. I saw this and it was not on Evia's blog but on Khadija's blog. Secondly, if I recall properly their issue with you was that on one hand you said the reason you or some readers don't speak up when the bloggers (e.g. evia) are beign unfairly attacked is because they are afraid and on the other hand, you then went on to say that you were not scared of faceless people online."
Yeah, I did let the IITs get to me because I was tired of fighting and tired of being attacked for having my point of view. I was worn out from moderating comments left and right. But I was never afraid that one of them was going to rape, stalk or attack me like Khadija was implying. Please don't twist my words.
"2. As for the editing, the ONLY editing that I saw done was when you were talking about how a particular blog attacks black women (or something like that) and you put the name of the blog there. The blog name was edited out and replaced with a dash (so as not to promote it). If you are going to criticise them for doing something atleast be truthful about it."
I was not only talking about Khadija's blog (Why censor MLQ's name when we know who it is? Besides, she linked a blog where the name of another troll was used, which is hypocritical), I was talking about many others as well. I've had comments not used on Evia's and Sara's blogs because I didn't always agree with their doctrines.
And in Siditty's case, I believe her. Why would she feel the need to falsify what the other bloggers have done/said to her? I wish you'd stop trying to debate with everyone you come across online. It's frustrating. Like I did with the IIT debate when Khadija told me I was in "denial," I'm just going to walk away from this debate. It'll just go nowhere quickly and it's pointless. I'm tired of trying to explain myself to people who, like the IITs, I won't see in real life.
and this is exactly why your blog was mentioned do you criticize black female bashing by a large yet vocal number of black men?
If there was a large number of them, I would, but there isn't. The number of blogs featuring black women bashing black men FAR, FAR, exceeds those blogs that could even remotely be deemed the opposite. Black male bashing is old and I can recall the whole "nigg*s ain't sh*t" mantra from way back in childhood.
You follow a site where black women are constantly being bashed and say absolutely nothing against it. SILENCE MEANS CONSENT!
Being that you frequent Sarah's blog, I don't see how you can talk.
Also, that site bashes a particular group of black women, a group who would express disdain for me for no more reason than the fact that I am a black male. I feel no need to defend them. I accept legitimate criticism of black men in general as well as black women in general, yet the hypocrisy is what I have a problem with as well as stating as fact things that have never been substantiated.
Rocky said...
''and this is exactly why your blog was mentioned do you criticize black female bashing by a large yet vocal number of black men?
If there was a large number of them, I would, but there isn't. The number of blogs featuring black women bashing black men FAR, FAR, exceeds those blogs that could even remotely be deemed the opposite. Black male bashing is old and I can recall the whole "nigg*s ain't sh*t" mantra from way back in childhood.''
I said:
Black men have been bashing black women for ages. Whether it was for their looks, skin tone, their so called 'attitude' and a host of others. It has been on the internet, television, magazines, stupid comments made by black male celebs and self appointed 'community leaders'. As for which is more, please give me a break. I do not agree with pointless bashing but I do agree with self-analysis and criticism. If I criticise racism, does it mean that I am bashing whites? If I criticise sexism, does it mean that I am bashing or hating on men? If then, I criticise sexism, misogyny, colourism, hueism, violence and abuse etc experienced by black women in the black community, does it mean that I am bashing black men?
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Rocky said:
''Being that you frequent Sarah's blog, I don't see how you can talk.''
I said:
How did you come across the conclusion that I frequent Sara's blog? I DON'T....as I said in a previous comment. I used to go to her site a while ago but when it reached the point were I disagreed with more or less 95% of what she said on the ir front, I stopped going there. I reached a point where I was only going because of the financial/health tips. That was several months ago (could even be a year). About 2 or 3 weeks ago, I decided to go to her site again and saw a post about 'what you have over white women'. I glanced through the post and it reminded me why I had stopped going to her site and so I left. So I repeat again, I do NOT frequent Sara's blog. I have nothing against her, I just don't agree with much of what she says and I don't believe there is anything I gain from her site.
Ive been attempting to be a voice of reason over at MLQ...just because well..ya never know who will see it. Not all black women who are with WM are crazy. Ive also been reading up on the scene at the other empowerment & ir blogs but exchanges dont really seem to tolerated over there. MLQ is so over the top I cant even begin to take him seriously. Plus he doesnt pretend to be trying to help anyone. but some of the others seem to actually be serious. I am just amazed and really trying to see the goals, justification and rationale behind them. While I never comment annon I do go to them all. Mostly out of curiosity of the reactions but also for the perspective. I cant imagine Im the only one. I dont see anything wrong with that. I like /want dialog. Trolls are well...trolls.
Thats just my take on it but I haven't been coming to your site very often yet and I am glad there seems to be someone who isnt extreme.
"I like/want dialog. Trolls are well...trolls.""
You're not going to get dialogue with MLQ. He's set in his ways and in his warped views. He's too filled with hatred. The hate probably emanates from him like heat from a furnace.
I saw the cached version of "Black Women Suck," which is this hideous blog talking about how Black women are all murderers and disgusting child abusers, and that blog was immediately pulled from Blogger. So how come MLQ is allowed to continue to have his blog, which refers to Black women as "nappyheaded sellouts," has disgusting photos of Black women and White men, and degrading commentary such as "licking so-and-so's cl**"? I have flagged his blog a few times and hope others do as well. I'm sick of his nasty blog still being allowed to be hosted on Blogger.
@ Golden Silence
I wonder why they din't get rid of "white women suck" blog. That blog is filled with alot of hatred. The blogger has some good points but overall it is bad. I go hounded on a forum saying that blogger was a black woman in disguised lol. I'm sorry but that blogger slipped up and reveal his/her identity lol. What's amazing is alot of the black women followers.
"I don't agree with everything they state....."
This seems to be the patent line that has been expressed.
I wish that some women here would be 100% honest about Evia, CW, Khadja, etc.
They Hate All Black men and Worship white men.
To be honest, they hardly care about Black women. That is easily seen how they treat the women that disagree with them.
So you would have to expect Blogs like MLQ to spring up. I believe its equally dishonest when women and some white men try to label him as a hater of All IRR of Black women. He is clearly refuting the slanderous post of the Something New Crew aka. Black Women Empowerment Blogs.
I would love if more IRR Blogs wouldn't even mention Black men. If they just truly wanted to date out because they love or have a preference of other men. That has NOTHING to do with the perceived short comings of Black men or some bad past relationship.
One can hope.
Evia just did a post where one of her guest bloggers did a list of all the places to find White men. I couldn't read it with a straight face. She said in regards to the gym, as I quote, "Change your gym membership if there aren’t enough white men there." That is insane!
And here's one on volunteering:
"If you want to go to a conference and events where a lot of white people are, the fastest way to get there with minimal cost is to sign up to work one of the vendor booths. They often free you up to watch the events and mingle later on. You can change clothes before you do. They provide you with a free meal, and it’s just a lot of fun. I’ve worked the horse races in Atlanta and went to the after-party."
Working at horse races where men who are akin to Blanche Devereaux's "Big Daddy" frequent. Not only is that racist, that's classist. It's like looking for a sugar daddy.
I love volunteering because I'm doing something good (serving food to the homeless is something I do frequently) and meeting good people of ALL RACES who are volunteering along with me. I would never do something to condescend myself to or kowtow to the rich snots.
And once again, dating White men is not the panacea to your dating ills. If you're specifically trying to find a White man as opposed to finding a good man, then you're hideously screwed.
And Evia acts like she's Atlas with the world on her shoulders:
"Now please don't start sending me volumes of info though. Remember that you could easily set up a site and post it yourself. Much of what I do here is quite time-consuming and for you to expect me to do all of this is not fair to me. Remember that I'm not a self-sacrificing mammy type of bw. I do this at my leisure so I don't want to hear from anyone begging me to post something quickly because of the impending deadline."
I hate the usage of "mammy," and if she feels so inconvenienced about doing the blog why doesn't she just quit?
Years ago I used to follow her, but thank God I never became fully indoctrined and dropped out before I drank all the Kool-Aid. I worry about the young women there who are very insecure and impressionable and who eat up every word she says.
To Golden Silence:
Yes, maybe Evia appears a little enthusiastic about her subject, but I do believe she has good intentions.
As far as I am concerned, as long as we live in a country with a First Amendment, we can all speak our minds. If you don't like a blog (for example, I am not a fan of Muslim Bushido since I am one of the "foreign Blacks" that she appears to despise), don't visit it. Live and let live. Even crazy people have the right to speak their minds.
Jamdown, I agree with you.
Evia has calmed down a bit imo, but she still focuses on Black men way too much for my liking.
Khadija is more extreme. LOL, she has some serious issues with Biracial people who choose to identify as Biracial, foreign Blacks and OOW children. She lost me when she went on her tangent about treating the latter as though they are outcasts. Who is she to play judge, jury and executioner?
Is that what being a Muslim is about? What would her 'God' think of that?
I will give them some credit. They make points that Black women need to read ie. demanding reciprocity, don't limit yourself to Black men etc etc.
Hi Siddity,
I've been reading your blog for quite a while, just wanted to address your concerns about followers that are members here and black men's forums. It's simple, this blog represents me as a black lady in the UK, who's all for interracial dating,and don't bash other people in my quest to doing so. I date both black men and white men, am interested in what you have to say, but also want to understand how the 'other' side ie black guys feel.Keep up the good work: )
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