::WARNING-THERE MIGHT BE POTENTIAL SPOILERS ABOUT THE MOVIE "PRECIOUS". I REALLY TRIED TO BE VAGUE & NOT GIVE AWAY PARTS OF THE STORY, BUT IF I DO SORRY::
A week or two back, I blogged about the trailer for the new film Precious, based on the novel Push by Sapphire.
Now I had read the book a while back ago, but I was foggy about details, so I decided to re-read the book. It took me all of four hours to read the book and that was with me cooking dinner and eating. The book is that good. One thing I noticed in the comments of my previous post was some of the concerns of the movie. The light skin vs. dark skin components of the trailer. The fact that Precious in the trailer is being told by her teacher her baby loves her. That folks are hoping for a happy ending. The concern about her weight. Re-reading the book has me wanting to talk about a lot of things that can be relayed in the real world. I might have quite a few blog posts on the book.
I guess the first thing I will address in terms of the movie vs the book is the light skin vs. dark skin dynamic. In the book Precious is very color conscious, there is no doubt, but in the movie the teacher is a light skinned woman. The book she is not light skinned, and Precious makes it known she is not Paula Patton colored. Precious does have a serious concern about skin color. I have a feeling with the way casting went down, just from looking at the trailer, this issue will be glossed over. In terms of the social worker or Mariah Carrey character, the character was actually from what I gather from the trailer, a white woman in the book. So that isn't much of a stretch, considering Mariah is biracial. I think her dad is half black, but her mother is a white woman.
In terms of the teacher telling Precious her baby loves her in the trailer. I know it is horrible to say that to a teen, but in Precious' life, you have to look for any and every bright spot, for Precious her baby is a bright spot, no matter how that baby came to be born into this world. So I understand it, I don't think of it as a negative, and in the context of the book, it is understandable why this scene is considered a touching and poignant spot of the movie (or at least the trailer).
I will say this, if the movie goes with the book, you will not see Precious lose 200 pounds and become a supermodel. This ain't that kind of book. I honestly don't think it will be that kind of movie. This book is really, really gritty. I cringe reading some of the parts, even knowing what goes on, I wonder how some of these scenes will translate in the movie. The book isn't a feel good book.
In terms of her weight. It is important, it is reflective, and it ties into her whole entire life. She couldn't be played by Naomi Campbell, or Kerri Washington, or another actress who is tiny and skinny. Precious is a big girl, and that isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Overall, even though the movie and book does not seem to be duplicates of each other, both appear to have some great merits. I think just from looking at the trailer, this will be breakthrough roles for both Mo'Nique and for the actress playing Precious, Gabourey Sidibe.
58 comments:
"This book is really, really gritty. I cringe reading some of the parts, even knowing what goes on, I wonder how some of these scenes will translate in the movie."
I read the book when it came out too and when I heard that there's a feature length film I wondered the Exact Same Thing. Those wretched scenes are integral to the foundation of the story - they are what she Push-ed against.
I've heard that Monique is very good in this. I will look for the book right away. Usually the book is better than the movie, but The Color Purple proved me wrong.
i went on amazon and read some of the book i know the spoiler.
Unfortunately Siditty, some black women believe they should only have empathy for a character like this if she's thin. If she's fat, she most likely brought it onto herself. Some people can't see past the fatness. In that case, I suggest they stay home when PRECIOUS comes out since they are too shallow to appreciate the film on it's terms.
On the light-skinned thing...most book adaptations don't become exact renderings onscreen. It's not a big conspiracy seeking to paint light people as saviors and dark-skinned people as downtrodden. Although historically, lighter-skinned people have enjoyed advantages that darker-skinned people haven't. And they still benefit. Many ghettos are filled with mainly darker-skinned black people.
Anyway, I don't understand why folks can't fucking support this film without all the bullshit. We have a black director, black author, black producers, and tons of black actresses of all shades in a film that seeks to HUMANIZE the experience of one black woman. How often do you see that? Almost never.
Black women's biggest problem is their need to be overly perfect. (For an example of this, check out the WOMAN BLOWS THE TRUMPET blog. The woman is a clinically insane automaton borne from racism.) I understand the need to overcompensate...especially since we live in a society that demonizes every part of our blackness and femaleness.
When we spend our whole lives attempting to CONTROL & DISCIPLINE ourselves to be more acceptable to white folk, we've lost. We've lost when we can't embrace a film like PRECIOUS because of some need to be seen as perfect (aka. less black or blackity-blackity-black).
Maybe I’ll watch it when it comes out on video, but I’ve long ago lost interest in the downtrodden black woman stories. I know that those are real stories reflecting some of the population, but it seems like that’s the only story we can tell. We’re usually poor, alone, living in a horrible environment, being the crutch for our family yet we get the comfort of being strong in the end.
I haven’t read the book, but this story sounds like it will have the same feel as Virgin which is a good downtrodden white girl story, but it is balanced by stories like the Notebook, Two Weeks Notice, Legally Blonde. We don’t get the same kind of balance.
I’m not downtrodden. I don’t want to only see stories of downtrodden BW.
Just a few minutes ago I was crossing the street and I met 2 Precious like girls also crossing the street. These were even more obese than Precious. One was particularly loud and naturally attracted attention to the both of them. Something was terribly wrong with that picture.
We can try to be PC about it but something is simply not right about someone being overly obese. Not that they should be dehumanized but we should never be made to pretend that its okay.
The thing is Grata fat people are dehumanized all day everyday. They are deemed as damaged and less than the norm.That isn't PC that is the truth. Something is not right about that, but it happens, and we never want to focus on why we feel that way. This mentality causes a vicious cycle. I remember in my hefty days when I decided I wanted to work out. I was scared to go the gym for fear of ridicule. I was too fat to work out and gyms are for people in shape. I know at the gym I used to attend before buying my own equipment it was a meat market. Women would put on make up and expensive outfits to work out. Men were constantly gawking. I remember once a man laughing at me as I was struggling on the elliptical machine. He felt I didn't belong there either, and it was humiliating to me. It made me not want to go back, but I went back anyway.
Another problem is it is expensive to stay thin in this country. I know people say that is an excuse, but as a person who shops at places like Central Market, Whole Foods, and farmer's markets, I can attest to high prices. I go there for produce, and yes it is cheaper, but I also notice these types of markets tend to be in certain areas of town, most of the time not near public transportation. The "regular" food seems to cost more than at the other stores. I know that it takes more effort to come home from work and cook a nutritious meal than it does to stop by the McDonalds or heat up some frozen dinner. It costs money to have a gym membership or buy equipment. That sometimes just walking outside in your own neighborhood could be a bit dangerous.
Not saying it is ok to weight 300 or 400 lbs, but I am not going to chastise or insult someone because they are, or treat them less than the respect that they are due.
We can try to be PC about it but something is simply not right about someone being overly obese. Not that they should be dehumanized but we should never be made to pretend that its okay.
___________________________________
There's also something wrong about being unempathetic to someone else's plight in life. When I have to hear the judgment of some wooden unfeeling asshole, I can't pretend that's okay.
Obese people get the message that there is something wrong with them 24/7. I feel we at least should dedicate equal time knocking down folks who are completely clueless and feel morally superior.
The novel "Precious" makes it very clear what anyone who has worked with victims of sexual abuse already knows: obesity is often tied to trauma and sexual assault. Packing on the pounds as an attempted buffer against male attention and attacks is such a common clinical presentation that any rape or sexual assault counselor is attuned to make that connection. Precious' weight is not a result of laziness or stupidity. It is the result of dehumanization that started in her early childhood, and continued in the present day, as it does for most obese people. It is also the result of poverty, living in a "food desert" (Look it up if you are not familiar with the term) and poor nutritional education, which is naturally going to suffer when mere survival is your primary focus.
For a child who is unloved and abused, food may be the only comfort they receive, and when you add poor role modeling, lack of choices, neighborhood dangers, and economic realities to the mix, it's little wonder that Precious is obese. Getting real about what contributes to the character's obesity and that of many nonfictional girls like Precious is not being "made to pretend its okay", it's realizing that the resolution and intervention for girls like Precious involves a lot more than fruits and vegetables or hitting a treadmill.
The thing is Grata fat people are dehumanized all day everyday. They are deemed as damaged and less than the norm.That isn't PC that is the truth.
___________________________________
Ditto Siditty.
I find unemotional people less inclined to be overweight because they don't feel too deeply. People who don't feel deeply aren't empathetic. If they can't feel their own pain, how are they going to feel yours? Most psychopaths and serial killers kill people because they don't feel anything for them. Have you ever seen a fat serial killer?
Most women in general are more emotional than men, that's why we are also prone to obesity. If you are subject to constant emotional injury such as Precious, you will eat to numb the pain. Black women in general are prime candidates for injury across all walks of life. Educated and/or upper-class black women are just as overweight as 'downtrodden' (lol) black women.
We need to think about all these complexities instead of just labeling black women as fat and worthless. There are tons of psychological, racial and social reasons why black women are heavier than other women.
Grata, I weigh 300 pounds. I've struggled with my weight my entire life. I've had people judge me and decide who they think I am. Everyday, before I attend to anything else, I have to convince people that I am worthy. I have to overcome THEIR prejudices by being exceptional. Does that even sound familiar to you, BLACK WOMAN??? Normally I dig everything you say Grata, but on this subject you are clueless.
For the life of me, I don't understand why one marginalized group gets a rise out of biting into another group.
this is being typed on a cell phone so i apologize for lack of capitalization, punctuation, etc.
geekgrl i feel the exact same way you do. i just had that conversation the other night with my mom and her boyfriend as we watched diary of a mad black woman on bet. they kept saying that it was an accurate depiction of black people's lives. i kept on saying that white people enjoy broad representation while tyler perry and bet is all we get. i get tired of seeing black people in the projects and triumphing over difficult circumstances or not seeing them at all. how come we cant (consistently) see black people in ro-coms, dramas, horror flicks, action? yes there are a lot of poor black people who struggle but there are a lot of black people who dont. can i see the donts sometimes please?!
The Washington Post review that I read claims that Mariah Carey's performance is so good that you forget it is Ms. Carey. The movie looks too sad for me, but I hope it does well.
obesity is often tied to trauma and sexual assault. Packing on the pounds as an attempted buffer against male attention and attacks is such a common clinical presentation that any rape or sexual assault counselor is attuned to make that connection.
I agree with this. That is why I hated that piece of sh*t Norbit. Some of these women really do have an emotional addiction to food and are using it to ease their pain and no one is taking is seriously. there's a difference between someone being pleasantly plump because they simply enjoy eating (thats fine as long as you work out) but its when your overweight to the point that you could have a heart attack at a young age and to the point that you are really really hurting yourself that its a problem. I don't know anyone that wants to be so big that they're unhealthy, no matter how much they like food, I know no one. So, its insensitive for these assholes (not talking about anyone on this blog) to go around mocking big black women instead of helping them. That piece of sh*t norbit, srgtwilliedickhead. All of them need to either help these women or shut it up.
Grata sd:
"We can try to be PC about it but something is simply not right about someone being overly obese. Not that they should be dehumanized but we should never be made to pretend that its okay."Grata,
See unlike in Africa where it's the dirt poor who are vegetarian by default due to the fact that they can't afford meat and sweets, in America, it's the opposite most of the times. Economically sound individuals in America have the luxury of eating healthy balanced meals while people who don't have that much money have to eat what they can afford and it so happens that the cheaper the food here, the more unhealthy it is. It's sad that some folks cant afford fruit, veggies and organic foods. Sad that what they can get for the money they may have is empty sugar, carbs and fat calories.
My culture shock upon moving to the States was that chocolate, ice cream, fries, burgers and junk in general was dirt cheap while as veggies are so expensive. I eat almost all my lunches and dinners with a side of Mediterranean salad and let me tell you, to get veggie ingredients to make 3 days worth of salad (and I probably eat less than the average person) costs me over $35.00 while had I chosen to eat junk I could possibly stretch that $35.00 to buy me 2 weeks worth of food.
I know food is just part of it as people can exercise but, I can see how some lower income people can be overweight...
I also agree that to an extent the lack of available health resources is a part of the obesity epidemic. You go in the black neighorhoods and all you have is KFC and Mickey D's. The white neighborhoods have gyms and weight watchers. There is a weight watchers and curves right around the corner from me, so its not the same i agree with that. But at the same time i still think them main factor is ultimately emotional because you can always go to Mars and get some canned tuna on sale or instead of frying the chicken you can bake it. In the trailer she deep fries some chicken when she could have just boiled or baked it. You can drink water and save on soda. you can take the stairs at work/school or run up and down them a few times for ten minutes, there is always a way its not easy but there's a way. It can be done,but I think yes lack of resources is a big problem, but ultimately the real issue lies within and its an emotional problem.
No not for me. Another sad story about bw in this country.
As far as this role being groundbreaking for the young woman whose playing Precious, Monique and Carey, the only one who will see a lot of will probably be Carey. Only "no-name" white actors/actresses seem to benefit as rising stars in this country. Monique will get offered a bit more "serious" roles but that's about it.
I know food is just part of it as people can exercise but, I can see how some lower income people can be overweight...
___________________________________
Ugh. Soila, do you really believe this garbage? Oprah, the richest black woman in the world, is overweight. It has nothing to do with class or income level.
You go in the black neighorhoods and all you have is KFC and Mickey D's. The white neighborhoods have gyms and weight watchers.
_________________________________
It's not about what you eat. It's much more complex than the physical environment you live in.
obesity is often tied to trauma and sexual assault
____________________________________
Do you really believe this statement? There are tons of sexually assaulted women who are thin. I've never been sexually assaulted yet I'm fat. Also, I'm not lazy, stupid, I live in one of the most expensive neighborhoods in New York, I have two degrees and I own my own company...(just attempting to get all the ridiculous stereotypes out of the way.) Look.
Again, I will say this...people who are highly emotional internalizers tend to overeat when faced with life's challenges. Women have significantly more challenges than men. Black women even more challenges. They often have no one to lean on. Food becomes a major comfort across all incomes. All of the thin black women I know are not very emotional at all. The ones that I do know that are highly emotional and thin, are bulimics. The earlier 'thin' periods in my life were a result of bulima.
See, when you're eating disordered you'll go from extremes, anorexia-bulimia-binge eating and back. Most black women just say they "like to eat." They don't even acknowledge disordered eating patterns and the causes.
This is a very long conversation I don't have much time to get into. Willful ignorance and regurgitating that same stereotypical nonsense as the reason black women are overweight, is just annoying to me.
May 29, 2009 8:16 AM Anon sd:
"Ugh. Soila, do you really believe this garbage? Oprah, the richest black woman in the world, is overweight. It has nothing to do with class or income level."My statement was: "I know food is just part of it as people can exercise but, I can see how some lower income people can be overweight..."I know class and income level are not all that contributes to being overweight but with some lower income people living on unhealthy diets, I can see how/why they are prone to obesity than folks who can afford healthy diets.
**********************************
Grata, I just realized that I read and assumed that you said something that you may not have said in your statement that I responded to.
"We can try to be PC about it but something is simply not right about someone being overly obese. Not that they should be dehumanized but we should never be made to pretend that its okay.."You may have meant that there are deeper emotional/psychological issues that need to be addressed in regards to overweight folks. IDK. Anyways, If I jumped into conclusions and misinterpreted your statement, mea culpa.
Hey Sid, thanks for sharing. I was curious about this movie from last year. The title situation was getting a bit confused, but I understand why it was change. I guess eventually imdb and other online resources will get updated.
"The book isn't a feel good book. "
Wow, I could imagine. After I saw the trailer that became too obvious. I'm also wondering what kind of mental or emotional place Gabourey Sidibe (Precious) may have had to put herself in to play this role. I say this because, I suspect she may have been subjected to similar judgments or difficulties in her personal life specifically due to her "non-standard" appearance. I hope I don't sound in any way condescending. I was just curious about her because it does not appear that she has ever acted before, much less in this type sensitive role.
Anyway, they all seem great in this movie. I can't wait to see it.
Sid 2:20 PM, I co-sign with all that you said. It's interesting now that I'm in my early 30's I'm beginning to struggle with weight. 10 years ago, about a year after I had my daughter I got to a ridiculous stage due to feeling depressed a lot, I was able to get back down (I am way too embarrassed to state how much pounds I put on then).
I know for a fact I'm overweight on paper right now, if I don't do something... it's only a matter of time before I end up visibly overweight aka "fat". Yes it's true, you get treated differently when you are visibly overweight or obese - many people lack respect for you. It's interesting how the only fear I have of becoming visibly overweight isn't about health issues, I have more fear of being mistreated by society. Something should be wrong with that too.
Anony 8:42 AM, why did you have to be anonymous (smile). You made some great points.
Winnowil 2:43 PM, excellent!
I read this book when I was 16 I beleive and now I'm 31.When I suggested it to my mother, she read 1/3 of the book and couldn't take it. I'm so glad this movie is comming out. You can't get any more real than this. Bring on the controversy....lol
@ Anonymous 8:42 AM
You sound more and more ignorant every time you run to another blog to bash me.
It is hilarious in fact!
The fact that you keep on going to black women's blogs to bash another black woman blogger just to see if they will post your b.s. is even more ridiculous....
Only cowards hide behind "anonymous" identities...
Grow up and find a man to show you how to act like a man and then you won't need a mask online.
obesity is often tied to trauma and sexual assault
____________________________________
Do you really believe this statement? There are tons of sexually assaulted women who are thin. I've never been sexually assaulted yet I'm fat. Also, I'm not lazy, stupid, I live in one of the most expensive neighborhoods in New York, I have two degrees and I own my own company...(just attempting to get all the ridiculous stereotypes out of the way.)
__________________________________
While I don't normally see the point of responding to someone who posts as "Anonymous", I will address this issue. If you read my statement carefully, you would see that it is qualified by the term "often". This means "not in every instance, but frequently". Therefore, there was no reference to your personal situation or what reasons may be underlying your own weight issues. The point of my statement was to illustrate that Precious was not overweight due to laziness or stupidity, but for a variety of reasons made clear in the novel's narrative, of which her abuse history was a monumental one.
And just for clarification, it is immaterial whether or not I "believe" that statement, as it is not a statement of belief. I am a trained and licensed therapist who has worked with victims of rape, childhood sexual abuse and sexual exploitation for a number of years. I spent 6 years working with street-level sex workers, many of whom were underage runaways. There is a complex web of symptomology that manifests in victims of sexual trauma, and of course it will differ on an individual basis. But there is enough consistency in the clinical presentations that a sequelae of symptoms have been identified and empirically, clinically researched. I'm assuming since you have "two degrees" you are familiar with academic research and can identify research databases which can point you to peer-reviewed journals in which this work has been published for, let's see, the last forty years. The clinical connection between sexual trauma and obesity is not a stereotype, nor is it a disparaging statement directed at you. It is a salient fact of the character Precious' life, and has direct bearing on her felings of self-esteem, self-worth and value, which are directly connected to her obesity. It is not the only reason she and real-life young women like her are obese, but it is OFTEN a contributing factor, and certainly is in this specific case, considering we are discussing the novel "Push" and its film adaptation.
All of the thin black women I know are not very emotional at all. The ones that I do know that are highly emotional and thin, are bulimics.How is that any less "stereotypical nonsense" than the assumptions about overweight Black women? Starting any sentence with "the people I know" makes it invalid, because anecdotal evidence doesn't mean anything. I'm thin because genetics made me that way. My emotional style has nothing to do with that, because I can gorge myself and still weigh the same. People who internalize their emotions may turn to food, or they may turn to other addictions, or they may become depressed. One can't make a cause-and-effect statement linking a psychological process to a biological one 1)because it won't hold true for every person and 2) because there are too many confounding variables involved.
One thing that hasn't been touched on in this thread is the difference in "acceptable" weights by ethnic group. In general, being overweight (and sometimes) obese is more acceptable in Black and Hispanic cultures. How many of us have parents or grandparents who encouraged us to "eat up" or "put some meat on them bones?" The cultural beauty standards are a large topic in itself. Of course there's a huge gap between being overweight and obese, but the popularity of euphemisms like "thick" or "curvy" make it easier for people to brush off the health risks of being overweight or obese IMO.
"There's also something wrong about being unempathetic to someone else's plight in life. When I have to hear the judgment of some wooden unfeeling asshole, I can't pretend that's okay.
I hope you are not refering to me here. You may want to save that for another purpose.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Not saying it is ok to weight 300 or 400 lbs, but I am not going to chastise or insult someone because they are, or treat them less than the respect that they are due".
Sid,
I have been there myself and I am not exactly skinny myself. I am 25lbs away from my ideal weight. I haven't been skinny since my early teens and have heard all the fat jokes.
I gained 20 lbs the first 3 months I was in the States on top of what I already had and it was hell.
Still there is some sort of PC Brigade out there trying to make people pretend its ok for people to be over weight. Its not. Its not OK to dehumanize them.
I was Chastisized but don't feel harmed by people's reactions to what they perceived. It sort of showed me away people saw me. That too is important in your own self image, how people see you gives you a different image of you. And if the way they see you is not good and you can do something about it as in the case of weight, then I think those reactions are not entirely bad. I don't hold grudges for those that insulted me.
What I am totally against is people shutting down others for giving their opinion on obesity even if that opinion is given in a simple matter of fact way. This society has a way of shutting up people using things like race, gender, sexuality etc and it looks like there are those that atempting to shut down any criticisms of the obese by blowing it out of proportion.
In otherwords we should separate the issues, tolerance for people and non tolerance for the disorder that is obesity.
If you are an obese person you are going to feel bad about yourself whether someone points it out to you or not, so this kneejack reaction of calling people as discriminatory to me is in a way a projection of one's true feelings of themselves and diverting the real problem onto other people.
It is not OK to weigh 300lbs if you can do something about it.
"Grata, I weigh 300 pounds. I've struggled with my weight my entire life. I've had people judge me and decide who they think I am. Everyday, before I attend to anything else, I have to convince people that I am worthy. I have to overcome THEIR prejudices by being exceptional. Does that even sound familiar to you, BLACK WOMAN??? Normally I dig everything you say Grata, but on this subject you are clueless."
Firstly I think you need to vent your anger elsewhere.
I am clueless yet I have my own weight issues?
"I find unemotional people less inclined to be overweight because they don't feel too deeply."
Really??? And how do you explain Anorexics. So anyone that is not fat does not feel deeply and therefore is a potential serial killer ? WOW!
You choose to physically carry your problems, others suffer a different way. But according to you, they don't feel "deeply". So all those people suffering from psychosomatic illnesses don't feel their problems and only you do? Who is the unempathetic one here?
Everyone is supposed to stop and feel sorry for the obese people by virtue of the fact that they don't feel any deeper than those that are obese? Maybe you should tell that to the woman with intestinal ulcers and hypertension.
"For the life of me, I don't understand why one marginalized group gets a rise out of biting into another group."
My point is, we should never be pushed to a point where we accept obesity as normal and okay for very obvious reasons. What PCness tries to do is normalize things.
It is a problem and you yourself knows that it is regardless of what society's standards are. If it is not of any consequence to you then you shouldn't consider yourself obese.
No one is getting a rise out of bashing obese people. Many of us have been and still are over weight but we just refuse to accept it as ok for us regardless of what burdens we carry as "Black Women".
Anyone whose problems are easily seen by others is always seen as unattractive. This comes in the form of a constant complainer, an exhibitionist, a promiscous person, acloholic, transient etc.
If you are ok with your weight, more power to you but lashing out at people who make a note of the obese maybe a sign that your are not really comfortable with it and therefore should do something about it like we all are.
"We can try to be PC about it but something is simply not right about someone being overly obese. Not that they should be dehumanized but we should never be made to pretend that its okay.."You may have meant that there are deeper emotional/psychological issues that need to be addressed in regards to overweight folks. IDK. Anyways, If I jumped into conclusions and misinterpreted your statement, mea culpa."
Soila,
That was a very simple statement but it got people going wild.
Ofcourse there are deeper issues going on. Personally I try to remain active, I never bought a car because I want to walk atleast a mile a day. And even then it just barely keeps the weight off. And I am not a great eater. One main meal a day does it for me.
Whenever I try a gym regimen I lose alot of weight after the first month and mentally I cannot accept a slimmer self then I stop. I have done this many times.
The key thing for me is to maintain stamina and fitness not really weight loss.
Its a myriad of issues and only the individual and work through them. I am simply against the notion of coming to a point where we accept obesity as normal or to be silenced from talking about it for what it is by PC people.
horrible. def NOT going to see it.
geekgrl, i agree. every image of BW has us being brutalized or living in poverty or talking about how we're so black and ugly and no one wants us.
and the worst part is that black women themselves don't even see a problem with these images, OR with other people seeing them. wowowow!
the door really is shutting on black women.
I agree with Grata, we can't ignore a problem. But I think its how you go about addressing the problem that's important. Going around making fun of people because they're overweight is not good. But if you address the issues tenderly and instead of being accusatory,you try and help the person examine WHY they may be overweight.Then I think that's a productive way to address the weight issue.
I still think its an emotional issue and for the person who said its not sexual abuse its because obese people internalize their emotions, well isn't it possible that they internalize their emotions which stem from their sexual abuse? If they dont get counseling and keep that abuse inside that's called internalizing your emotions, so its still an emotional problem.
In response to the person who said its genetics. As far as I know anyone can gain weight, you may gain weight differently or you may put it on slower or quicker due to genetics, but its a generally, if you don't expend as much energy as you take in you're going to put on weight. One thing is with some black women I know some of us can carry 20-30 extra lbs and we won't necessarily look overweight at first glance. A lot of us tend to store our excess fat in our lower/posterior area, so we may not look as big as we are which can be both a blessing and a curse. I know myself personally, I can gain 25 extra lbs and still look normal, but if I go beyond that it does start to show, so we do have some flexibility but only to a certain extent. Its one thing to be a little plump, its another to morbidly overweight and unhealthy that is never a good thing and we need to start looking into why someone would be gaining that much weight and trying to help them, not make fun of them.
Maybe I’ll watch it when it comes out on video, but I’ve long ago
geekgrl said:
lost interest in the downtrodden black woman stories. I know that those are real stories reflecting some of the population, but it seems like that’s the only story we can tell. We’re usually poor, alone, living in a horrible environment, being the crutch for our family yet we get the comfort of being strong in the end. --------------------------
I agree with your statement. However, from reviewing the trailor and reading everyone's comments, I came to the conclusion that this movie is not really the ordinary downtrodden black women's movie. I'm looking at Precious as a big black girl. Usually they make films at big black girls being the laughing stock and the comic relief of the film. This film they want the audience to sympathize at her situation of being big girl and all the atributes that contribute to her weight. So that is something different to me. However, I do agree that black films should be more diverse. Maybe we should produce and direct a film based on Siditty's life lol.
i think its a movie that needs to be made because yes we always get the poor,downtrodden black who rises above the odds, but in my experience its usually about a bm rising above the odds. Oh the poor bm he's in a gang and wants out and someone comes to show him the light blah blah. But, we never really get the experience of the bw in the same situation. For example coach carter, it was all about the black males, but when the black female gets knocked up by a bm, suddenly she's made to be a hinderance to his sucess, "oh why are you keeping the baby you should get an abortion." Then instead of examining why she got pregnant and is obviously happy about being pregnant at such as young age they completely made it out to be her stupidity. Nvm the fact that someone had to sleep with her and get her pregnant, but somehow its her fault. I hated that, no one ever touches on the black woman's issues in these type of situation and a movie needs to be made.
Grata sd:
"I am simply against the notion of coming to a point where we accept obesity as normal or to be silenced from talking about it for what it is by PC people."That, I'm in total agreement with!
I don't think that there is a lack of Black movie genres as much as there is a lack of these types of movies being greenlit by major production studios.
@ Anonymous 8:42 AM
You sound more and more ignorant every time you run to another blog to bash me.
It is hilarious in fact!
The fact that you keep on going to black women's blogs to bash another black woman blogger just to see if they will post your b.s. is even more ridiculous....
Only cowards hide behind "anonymous" identities...
Grow up and find a man to show you how to act like a man and then you won't need a mask online.
______________________________
Trumpet Woman, I have no idea what you are talking about. Firstly I'm very female. A black woman just like you. Secondly, I was using you as an example of black women being ashamed & embarrassed by their own blackness. Your blog is filled to the rim of self-hatred. The only way you seem to alleviate yourself from it, is dictate rules to other black women on how to escape their blackness to become acceptable human beings. Sorry, Trumpet, I just think you're a bunch of misinformed hot-air.
Obese people get the message that there is something wrong with them 24/7.
This is an excellent point. They are well aware they need to lose weight, they don't need other folks pointing it out to them.
--------------------------
The novel "Precious" makes it very clear what anyone who has worked with victims of sexual abuse already knows: obesity is often tied to trauma and sexual assault.
In the book though it is a little more complex than that. Precious doesn't necessarily eat because she wants to.
I do definitely agree with you that in many cases people turn to food be it by eating too much or too little as often times that is the only thing in their lives they feel they can control.
----------------------------
Have you ever seen a fat serial killer?
John Wayne Gacy. I don't want to demonize thin people, because I know there are some that truly work to stay where they are at, but it bothers the hell out of me, when someone who is "thin" eats nothing but junk, has cellulite, and doesn't ever work out and then has the audacity to try to talk about people being fat and what they need to do. That kills me.
There are tons of psychological, racial and social reasons why black women are heavier than other women.
I think a lot times weight charts don't take into consideration everything. I know when I tell people what I actually weigh, it throws them off. I actually look smaller than what I am. I look "skinny" at 130. I look emaciated at 120. So why I am not saying that black women use biased weight charts as the reasoning for their weight, I will say I look at those charts and wonder do they take into account bone density or thickness, muscle vs. fat ratio, etc.
how come we cant (consistently) see black people in ro-coms, dramas, horror flicks, action?
The problem is that we make them, but no one goes to see them. They tend not to get wide distribution and you have to go to the art house theaters to watch them, not everyone has easy access to a art house theater, so they don't get the support or distribution that the need to become successful.
--------------------------
As far as this role being groundbreaking for the young woman whose playing Precious, Monique and Carey, the only one who will see a lot of will probably be Carey. Only "no-name" white actors/actresses seem to benefit as rising stars in this country. Monique will get offered a bit more "serious" roles but that's about it.
This is so true, in black cinema there seems to be one five actresses that seem to get work over and over the rest fall to the wayside, and the amount of singer/actor or actor/singer is ridiculous. We need to focus on one craft in most cases.
While I don't normally see the point of responding to someone who posts as "Anonymous", I will address this issue. _______________________________
Winnowill, maybe that's your problem. You fail to see the core of the problem because you're to distracted by the superficials. Most people are just like you in that respect. Who cares whether I'm anon, amy, or apple paltrow? Shouldn't the content of the post be your main concern?
The clinical connection between sexual trauma and obesity is not a stereotype, nor is it a disparaging statement directed at you.
__________________________
I was using myself as an example to counteract your statements. I didn't think you directing anything at me personally. However, I frequently tire of folks like yourself making absolute statements about an issue you haven't personally experienced. I feel compelled to inform you so going forward, you can make less ignorant statements in the future.
It is a salient fact of the character Precious' life, and has direct bearing on her felings of self-esteem, self-worth and value, which are directly connected to her obesity. It is not the only reason she and real-life young women like her are obese, but it is OFTEN a contributing factor, and certainly is in this specific case, considering we are discussing the novel "Push" and its film adaptation.
______________________________
Yes, Winnowill, I totally get this. I just wish people would stop harping on sexual abuse or laziness as the only reasons why people are overweight.
Have you ever seen a fat serial killer?
John Wayne Gacy. I don't want to demonize thin people, because I know there are some that truly work to stay where they are at, but it bothers the hell out of me, when someone who is "thin" eats nothing but junk, has cellulite, and doesn't ever work out and then has the audacity to try to talk about people being fat and what they need to do. That kills me.
_________________________
I thought about him the minute I published the post, but he is only one. For the most part serial killers are almost, always svelte.
See, when you're eating disordered you'll go from extremes, anorexia-bulimia-binge eating and back. Most black women just say they "like to eat." They don't even acknowledge disordered eating patterns and the causes.
I will say I am like this. I go in extremes, but I will also say I was sexually abused as a kid, so I am the stereotype in that respect. I can go through periods where eating 800 calories is the max. Other times I could probably wipe out a whole entire buffet. I think that is why I went veg, it is harder to go between the two on that type of diet. Not a lot of veggie buffets in Dallas.
---------------------
I know class and income level are not all that contributes to being overweight but with some lower income people living on unhealthy diets, I can see how/why they are prone to obesity than folks who can afford healthy diets.
Soila,
You are right in the fact that weight can be associated and tied to social class here in America.
--------------------------
I have of becoming visibly overweight isn't about health issues, I have more fear of being mistreated by society. Something should be wrong with that too.
My motivation for losing weight wasn't my health, it was me wanting to look and be more attractive. I felt ugly being fat, and that is because we are told fat is ugly and pretty is thin, even though there are many a ugly thin person running around.
------------------------
In general, being overweight (and sometimes) obese is more acceptable in Black and Hispanic cultures.
I will say being from the south, I can say it is also regional. I see white fat folks all the time, and I have heard from many of them to put meat on my bones as well. We are all fat down here :)
but the popularity of euphemisms like "thick" or "curvy" make it easier for people to brush off the health risks of being overweight or obese IMO.
Depends on your definition of thick or curvy. I am considered thick and curvy and I am not overweight. I have an "hourglass" shape. Big boobs, small waist, big thighs. No matter what size I am, I can't change my actual shape. I will never have small thighs and no booty. Not even at 90 pounds will this happen. I will always have huge boobs.
Still there is some sort of PC Brigade out there trying to make people pretend its ok for people to be over weight.
But it is OK to be overweight. If these people are overweight and for the most part they are good people it is OK. Am I saying they should stay overweight, no, but I get tired of hearing that fat people are all disease ridden. If you are 15 pounds overweight, more than likely you aren't that diseased ridden, even if you are 400 lbs you might not have diabetes. I am not saying that in general overweight people are healthier than thin people, but they are not as disease ridden as we make it seem either.
I was Chastisized but don't feel harmed by people's reactions to what they perceived. It sort of showed me away people saw me.
You are better than me, when people made fun of me for my nose, or made jokes about my using Crisco in my hair, I felt ugly, the same when that man at the gym laughed at me. The world saw me as ugly thin or fat. I would use that as an excuse not to do anything because in my mind it would be pointless. I would give up. People making fun of other people doesn't always motivate change, and should be used as a "therapy" to get people to change.
My point is, we should never be pushed to a point where we accept obesity as normal and okay for very obvious reasons. What PCness tries to do is normalize things.
So are we saying being black or a woman isn't the "norm", that we should be ashamed of that too, because we keep throwing around the "PC" label, and I don't know what is bad about being "PC" so instead of calling me a n*gger, you now have to call me black. That is being PC, or instead of assuming you can treat me as property because I am a woman, now you have to treat me as a human. That can also be considered PC. The whole PC as slander label has been thrown around way too much.
----------------------
every image of BW has us being brutalized or living in poverty or talking about how we're so black and ugly and no one wants us
This so goes back to this blog posting. We have to again always be the strong black woman, lacking emotions or concerns. I say put it all out there, the good, the bad, and the ugly. White people can and we still don't label them with a wide brush, we can't we as black women do the same?
---------------------------
I'm looking at Precious as a big black girl. Usually they make films at big black girls being the laughing stock and the comic relief of the film. This film they want the audience to sympathize at her situation of being big girl and all the atributes that contribute to her weight. So that is something different to me. However, I do agree that black films should be more diverse. Maybe we should produce and direct a film based on Siditty's life lol.
My life is so boring LOL. Seriously the life of Siditty. Me blogging. Me talking to my husband. Me going to work. Playing with dogs. Woo hoo interesting :)
I do however agree that the film is a nice change of pace, the big girl isn't the butt of jokes, we instead are actually supposed to sympathize with her.
ll of the thin black women I know are not very emotional at all. The ones that I do know that are highly emotional and thin, are bulimics.How is that any less "stereotypical nonsense" than the assumptions about overweight Black women? Starting any sentence with "the people I know" makes it invalid, because anecdotal evidence doesn't mean anything. I'm thin because genetics made me that way. My emotional style has nothing to do with that, because I can gorge myself and still weigh the same.
_______________________________
James the girl, you're right. I didn't mention it, I was focussed on emotion & weight. Yes there are so many other physical issues to consider - sugar addiction, genetics, menopause, aging.
I've spent a lot of time talking to women who have issues with food & maintaining a stable weight. For the most part, bulimics and binge eaters are very emotional. Anorexics, tend to be numbed out emotionally, and use food as a form of control. I've heard all kinds of eating-disordered women recount their relationship to food. One of my goals in life is to get more black women talking honestly about their relationship to food and examine how all the 'isms' weigh into it.
By the way, I hate women like you. (wink) Gorging and still skinny?
People who internalize their emotions may turn to food, or they may turn to other addictions, or they may become depressed. One can't make a cause-and-effect statement linking a psychological process to a biological one 1)because it won't hold true for every person and 2) because there are too many confounding variables involved.
One thing that hasn't been touched on in this thread is the difference in "acceptable" weights by ethnic group. In general, being overweight (and sometimes) obese is more acceptable in Black and Hispanic cultures. How many of us have parents or grandparents who encouraged us to "eat up" or "put some meat on them bones?" The cultural beauty standards are a large topic in itself. Of course there's a huge gap between being overweight and obese, but the popularity of euphemisms like "thick" or "curvy" make it easier for people to brush off the health risks of being overweight or obese IMO.
You are better than me, when people made fun of me for my nose, or made jokes about my using Crisco in my hair, I felt ugly, the same when that man at the gym laughed at me. The world saw me as ugly thin or fat. I would use that as an excuse not to do anything because in my mind it would be pointless.
___________________________
Siditty, I was always told, "you have such a pretty face" and in my mind I would add "for a fat chick." Because that's what they really meant.
The times in my life (teens and 20s) I've been thin, I fasted for weeks to get that way. Everyone was delighted I was thin. They didn't realize I wasn't eating. Or that I was gorging on food and took laxatives to eliminate. People who dismissed me were suddenly asking me out on dates, did things for me, thought I was smarter than I was, listened to what I had to say...
The world is so different when you're thin. It's like that Eddie Murphy sketch from SNL where he turns white for a day, and the world opens up to him. That's exactly what happened to me each time.
I hope you are not refering to me here. You may want to save that for another purpose.
______________________
Yes I was talking to you, Grata. I think you're smarter than stereotyping fat people. But maybe you lack feeling affect. So I'm not sure.
Still there is some sort of PC Brigade out there trying to make people pretend its ok for people to be over weight. Its not. Its not OK to dehumanize them.
_________________________
In what world do you live in that fat people aren't told they are fat and worthless everyday...because I'd like to go there! Nobody here is shutting you down because of your opinion. I'm just letting you know it's not cool to be abusive to fat people. When I see it, it bothers the shit out of me, so I must say something.
Listen, nobody wants to be overweight. I, myself...I'm on my treadmill every other day for an hour, sometimes two hours, and guess what, I'm still fat.
Firstly I think you need to vent your anger elsewhere.
___________________________
I'm not angry, I'm just informing the misinformed.
I am clueless yet I have my own weight issues?
_____________________
you never qualified yourself as having weight issues when this convo began. You started off talking shit about fat people. How would anyone know you were fat?
Really??? And how do you explain Anorexics. So anyone that is not fat does not feel deeply and therefore is a potential serial killer ? WOW!
_________________________________
There are no absolutes. On anorexia, see what I posted earlier. It's a given that people who are out of touch with their feeling-center, are more prone to serial killing. Though, crimes of passion are committed by emotional, feely sorts.
You choose to physically carry your problems, others suffer a different way.
___________________
Yeah, and it's because our problems are easily seen that folks like yourself feel it's okay to target us with your agression. Grata, I have dared assholes to try and limit my 300 pound ass to a 300 pound life. They can't do it. You know why? Because I'm keen at seeing the nature of people and their invisible defects seem so glaringly obvious to me.
It is a problem and you yourself knows that it is regardless of what society's standards are. If it is not of any consequence to you then you shouldn't consider yourself obese.
_________________________
I'm not one who cares about other people's standards for me.
Obesity is a huge problem, but it's more than just 'diet & exercise.'
Anyone whose problems are easily seen by others is always seen as unattractive. This comes in the form of a constant complainer, an exhibitionist, a promiscous person, acloholic, transient etc.
_____________________________
Speak for yourself. I tend to like transients, alcoholics, promiscuous people, exhibitionists, and complainers. They make life interesting.
People who think their problems are so invisible...I tend to see right through them. So, as hard as they work trying to make other people believe they are perfect...they aren't. Trumpet woman, is a perfect example of this.
If you are ok with your weight, more power to you but lashing out at people who make a note of the obese maybe a sign that your are not really comfortable with it and therefore should do something about it like we all are.
_______________________
Let's get this straight...YOU were the one shitting all over fat people. I told you it is not acceptable to me.
I'm not okay with my weight. I do what I can, when I can do it. I'm no longer obsessed with being thin, that I would go to such extremes, like I did for TWENTY YEARS. I accept myself as I am now. That's the most liberating, courageous thing anyone can do. Accept themselves now.
"I am simply against the notion of coming to a point where we accept obesity as normal or to be silenced from talking about it for what it is by PC people."_____________________________________
I think people should be true to themselves when it comes to weight issues. I don't have the right to go telling the next person that they are fat (if they are) unless this person is my mum but I can at least be true to myself and acknowledge that I am carrying around 25 lbs more than what I should weigh.
Grata may be coming off as insensitive but it may be from her background and being raised in East Africa?!?! I went home for 2 months at the end of last year and everyone I met asked me "how many kids have you popped out?", "Do you live in a McDonald's?", "what got you so fat/chubby?" etc etc. I was told to lose the weight and I had let myself go (which I have). Everyone watched me eat and commented on how big my portions are compared to theirs while here, I eat the least of all my friends. So, back home, most are brutal about weight. They'll call you fat and not bat an eye. Being thin is not promoted but being overweight isn't either. They encourage a healthy weight.
In Nairobi where it's very westernized, I saw a lot of fat folks due to their change in lifestyle and folks starting to live on fast food and sweets. Every coffee shop, fast food place, ice cream parlour, pizzeria I went to was always packed and the folks there were regular clients. It was easy to see how the change in lifestyle and food choices was affecting their waist lines.
Okay first as someone who has struggled with their weight their whole life, let me just say I can see both sides of the issue. It's hard as hell being overweight especially in this society. Firstly, as a child I was chubby and was constantly ridiculed by classmates and even my parents sometimes. I took dance class and the girls used to throw cookies at me and call me fat. Then as I got older, my fat started to settled in the right places. My butt got big, my boobs got big and my waist was smaller. But, I was still fat by society's standards. I went and did this weight loss program for 4 months and lost 32lbs in 4 months....
Part 2:
Although my shape was still the same (hourglass) I was smaller and I felt more confident, so I started wearing more fitted clothes/mini-skirts. I loved the attention I got and on top of that girls who were originally smaller than me were now pretty much heavier than me. although they were still skinny, I weighed less, but I had a more 'curvacious' figure. This one blonde girl basically got pissed at me because she couldn't fit into this belt and I could, but I looked 'bigger,' than her because of my hips/butt but my waist was smaller than hers. She said to me "how can it fit you and not me?" That was the best thing ever. The black guys at my school loved me at this point, I got so much attention from guys who had never even given me a second look before. But the more attention I got, it also made my life more difficult...
Part 3:
I had this one guy,who I had a crush on tell someone that he basically wanted to give me a good f*ck, but would never date me. Whenever I'd go to parties guys would harass me and like try and fondle me and stuff when I was just trying to dance and have fun. At first I loved the attention and maybe asked for it a bit, but then I felt bad. I realized that you can't win sometimes. If you're overweight then you get no attention but if you're fit and curvy (like i was) I jogged a mile everyday, then you get harassed constantly. That's why I can't believe when we get some crazy men telling us black women are too fat and all that and then these same guys will turn around and harass us if we're fit, just because we might be a little shapely w/ a big butt. I really think no matter what size a black woman is she's going to have a hard time to be honest. I think overall being fit and "not fat" may make life easier in some ways, but you also have other problems. To make the long story short I ended up gaining the weight back and went back to baggy clothes. But now as I'm getting older I'm trying to lose weight again, but this time I'm not going to let society dictate how I'm supposed to act just because of my size.
I don't think Grata was shitting all over fat people, lets not overdo it. I think she was just saying there needs to be a solution to help obese people who are unhealthy.
"People making fun of other people doesn't always motivate change, and should be used as a "therapy" to get people to change."
This is why its always important to be in touch with who you are. If you get in relationship with yourself you will make decisions for you regardless what the world thinks of you. It is actually very basic. Know and understand who you are, what other people think of you becomes immaterial especially if its meant to harm you.
"So are we saying being black or a woman isn't the "norm", that we should be ashamed of that too, because we keep throwing around the "PC" label, and I don't know what is bad about being "PC" so instead of calling me a n*gger, you now have to call me black. That is being PC, or instead of assuming you can treat me as property because I am a woman, now you have to treat me as a human."
There is a strange tendency in this particular post for people to grab onto straw men.
I clarified that that there are issues that are one's nature like race, gender and arguably sexuality where it is necessary for PCness to be enforced. However with something that is mostly in one's control like weight, we shouldn't be subjected to the same stringent PC rules to normalize it. Maybe I wasn't clear but that was my point.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Yes I was talking to you, Grata. I think you're smarter than stereotyping fat people. But maybe you lack feeling affect. So I'm not sure."
Miss, you really need to check yourself.
Show me exactly where I stereotyped fat people.
I met two females that where about 300 pounds each and one was loud. If I met a black man dancing well and described what I saw, am I stereotyping him?
If you met a person acting stereotypically and you shared your expereince, are you stereotyping that person? Are you sure you are focused while you are reading?
Like I said, you need to redirect your anger. Stop creating a storm out of nothing, clearly you have your issues but they won't be solved by clutching onto straw men.
"I'm just letting you know it's not cool to be abusive to fat people. When I see it, it bothers the shit out of me, so I must say something."
Again, simple, copy and paste my abusive comments towards fat people. Short of that I will conclude that you are truly deranged.
"I'm not angry, I'm just informing the misinformed"
Right by further stereotypping non fat people as un emotional and unfeeling. You call that information?
"you never qualified yourself as having weight issues when this convo began. You started off talking shit about fat people. How would anyone know you were fat?"
That's what happens when you are too angry to think.
Again, show the shit I said about fat people.
"Yeah, and it's because our problems are easily seen that folks like yourself feel it's okay to target us with your agression"
Miss, first of all I have challenged you to show me where I was abusive to fat people. You won't succeed on that one yet you have relentlessly attacked me. Who is aggressing the other ? If that is how you deal with your weight problems, I really pity you.
"You know why? Because I'm keen at seeing the nature of people and their invisible defects seem so glaringly obvious to me."
You can see other people's defects yet you can't read the plain writing in front of you? I think you need to adjust your priorities. Maybe listen to what people actually reveal for themselves and don't try to see the "invisible".
That may explain why you completely missed my point. Let the super natural thing go, its not helping.
"Let's get this straight...YOU were the one shitting all over fat people. I told you it is not acceptable to me."
4th accusation in a row and therefore a
4th challenge to you to show me "shitting" on fat people. Seriously, check your self, this is not normal.
"I accept myself as I am now. That's the most liberating, courageous thing anyone can do. Accept themselves now."
Congratulations for your self acceptance. Now look out for the people that really shit on fat people otherwise chasing after shadows will make you look crazy.
"I don't think Grata was shitting all over fat people, lets not overdo it. I think she was just saying there needs to be a solution to help obese people who are unhealthy."
Thanks anon.
Can you believe this stuff? I thought I had mastered crazy but that anon just took it to a whole new level LOL!.
My intent was to tone it down on this post just to be accussed of shitting on fat people.
I still think we should not be pushed into accepting obesity as normal. I personally grew up being told that I was going to be extremely big. In my culture that is not necessarily a bad thing, but even they have limits. They don't like skinny but they want women to be more chubby. their prediction was that I would be obese.
I grew up faster than my peers and so I was the elephant in the class. I was always the big one. But I knew I wasn't destined to be massive and knew at one point I would have to take control of what size I wanted to be.
If I had listened to these people and internalized what they said, I would have blown up completely. I actually did blow up for a while and endured the abuse that came with it into my early 20s. This was because I was in other cultures that saw me too big. I had to get to the point where I had to take control and now most of my peers are way bigger than me.
My point, in case people are still missing it, is you should never accept an unhealthy image of yourself as reflected to you by others or by your own sick psyche. We have to continually acknowledge that morbid obesity is a problem and not get bullied into accepting it as normal.
If you are certain that you are psychologically healthy and accept your size then naturally people's shallow opinions of you shouldn't matter. Not that it gives them a right to abuse you, but if you are ok with yourself those around you will quickly accept you as you are. Very few people will criticize you when they see you are comfortable with yourself. Only strangers probably will.
But if their criticism gets to you to a point of throwing a feat then there is alot of internal work to do.
"They'll call you fat and not bat an eye. Being thin is not promoted but being overweight isn't either. They encourage a healthy weight."
Soila,
True, Africans are brutal. Here a woman will cry for being called fat. Over there fat is a euphimism for elepant, King Kong (the wrestler), Hippo (seriously I had my Dad's friends call me that), Miss Piggy etc and there are other vernacular terms that are even more offensive. And like you said, they don't bat an eye lid saying it. Its like someone saying, 'honey'.
Anonymous@8:20 am,
Obviously, reading comprehension is not your strong suit.
"I was using myself as an example to counteract your statements. I didn't think you directing anything at me personally. However, I frequently tire of folks like yourself making absolute statements about an issue you haven't personally experienced. I feel compelled to inform you so going forward, you can make less ignorant statements in the future."
Anecdoctal comments don't carry a lot of credence with me. Your personal situation compared with forty years of evidence-based clinical data doesn't bolster your argument. In addition, you know nothing about what I have personally experienced, whether it is sexual trauma or obesity. Perhaps you should reexamine just who is making ignorant statements.
"I just wish people would stop harping on sexual abuse or laziness as the only reasons why people are overweight."
I wrote nor implied no such thing. I thought the specifier "often" was fairly well explained, but evidently not. I also wrote about a variety of other issues that would possibly contribute to obesity in the case of someone like Precious, including poverty, poor role modeling, inacessibility of healthy food options, and dangerous living conditions making exercise and personal agency in food choices significantly more difficult. If you choose not to read with care or discernment, I can't help you with that. But don't distort my statements to fit some internal agenda of your own.
"Who cares whether I'm anon, amy, or apple paltrow? Shouldn't the content of the post be your main concern?"
I addressed the content of your post quite clearly. But I think the refusal to back up your assertions with an actual identity speaks for itself. I noted that my opinions are based in years of clinical research and experiential, real-world therapeutic outreach and intervention. What is the basis of yours?
@Siditty, I read the title to your previous post and just wanted to shake you. I know you have the right to express how you feel and your views, but I'm hoping that black women will eventually realize that the pity party is not beneficial and may even be detrimental. I'm certainly not an advocate of the 'Strong Black Woman' trope, but movies like Precious and such don't make people feel compassion for us. In order to feel compassion towards someone you actually have to give a damn about them. This world has been demonstrating for a while now that they don't give a flying faldercarb about what happens to black women. All this constant airing of our woes does is give them ammunition as to why it's perfectly okay to crap on us. Why not? It's already been done, and as you said, 'We're still here.' If that's not a crock, I don't know what is. Still being here is the bare minimum. I don't want to just be here, I want to flourish and thrive, and movies like Precious are hardly the path to doing that.
I don't think this movie will be particularly successful. Why? Who's going to see it? It might be lauded and win awards, but I can't imagine it will have much of a viewership or make much money, so I don't see it being replicated anytime soon. Black women might see it, but I don't imagine much of anyone else being interested. Presumably this will be a Mariah Carey vehicle, where she'll finally make her desperately-wanted transition into acting.
As I've said before, Oprah's never seen an abuse story that she didn't love, so she doesn't surprise me. And Tyler Perry's loathing for black women is self-evident, so I'm not surprised that he's part and parcel to yet another 'black woman as deviant, damaged goods' film.
I do think black women are desperately seeking compassion, but it's past time that we get over that. It's not coming. The only people who give a darn about us is us (and even that is questionable). We've been producing these sob stories for a while now. Has our situation gotten any better? Uh no. And it won't get better because the elevation of black women doesn't benefit anyone but us. In fact, others see our elevation as detrimental to them and they are invested in keeping us as crippled as possible.
These type films do nothing but feed into that same process I've talked about before. Ruminating and cogitating on that which ails us does nothing but make it bigger and seemingly insurmountable. In the case of various deviances, it inures people to our pain. Well, if they've survived all that, there's no reason not to heap even more on us. Time out for this nonsense, and time to move on to some uplifting and EMPOWERING stories for and about us.
This has not worked, in fact it's made the situation considerably worse. When something doesn't work, it's time to try something new.
I read the title to your previous post and just wanted to shake you. I know you have the right to express how you feel and your views, but I'm hoping that black women will eventually realize that the pity party is not beneficial and may even be detrimental.
I quoted Ceilie from the Color Purple. We aren't allowed to say what we feel? We have to again "suck it up"? I hate to say it, but that shit gets old. No one here said go crawl in a corner, bitch and moan, and die.
All this constant airing of our woes does is give them ammunition as to why it's perfectly okay to crap on us.
It doesn't matter what we say or do, the result will still be the same. Why try? I am tired of keeping up appearances. I say screw them, folks will continue to think what they want to think. If people have these feelings before, they will continue to have them, and I for one am personally tired of being told to shut up. Every other damn person in the world can bitch and moan, and hell they can sit in a corner, rot, and get compassion, why the hell can I not bitch and moan as well as keep moving, without my own telling me to shut up? It kills me. If the world is watching I don't give a got damn. It isn't up to me to change folks minds, I can just tell you what is on my mind. If that gives them more ammunition so be it. I like folks who are upfront, there is no need to hide things.
I do think black women are desperately seeking compassion, but it's past time that we get over that.
You are right, and if we can't show it for ourselves, instead telling other black women to "suck it up", why would we expect it from anyone else?
A pity party isn't what the point of that post was. The point of the post was regardless of what you say about me, I keep moving, while other folks keep talking.
I'm not telling black women to 'suck it up.' In fact I'm telling black women to STOP sucking it up. Stop wasting our time ruminating on this madness. We've been doing it for a while now and it's of no benefit. I'm not saying don't talk about it because it makes us look bad. That makes no difference, the world doesn't give a shit about us in the first place. I'm saying stop dwelling on it because it makes us FEEL bad and perpetuates and increases the deviance. It doesn't create compassion, it validates the deviance, and desensitizes people even more to our pain. IMO, that's more or less what's happened anyway. That's why people in Dunbar Village could dismiss gang rape as no big deal. When people see this all the time it becomes the norm for black women. It becomes more acceptable EVEN BY US.
"I do think black women are desperately seeking compassion, but it's past time that we get over that. It's not coming. The only people who give a darn about us is us (and even that is questionable). We've been producing these sob stories for a while now. Has our situation gotten any better? Uh no. And it won't get better because the elevation of black women doesn't benefit anyone but us. In fact, others see our elevation as detrimental to them and they are invested in keeping us as crippled as possible.
These type films do nothing but feed into that same process I've talked about before. Ruminating and cogitating on that which ails us does nothing but make it bigger and seemingly insurmountable. In the case of various deviances, it inures people to our pain. Well, if they've survived all that, there's no reason not to heap even more on us. Time out for this nonsense, and time to move on to some uplifting and EMPOWERING stories for and about us."
-------------------
THANK YOU!
seriously, for decades black men and africans have been framed as 'victims' (suffering and disadvantaged). nobody cares. their condition is ignored by virtually everyone. in fact, many people think it's NORMAL and/or that they DESERVE to suffer.
(a commenter on another blog was so right when she observed that "nobody cares about victims." they really don't.)
and so it will be with black women. this film isn't gonna make people care about BW. like you said: certain people want to normalize black women's suffering, not alleviate it; and what better way to do that than to keep feeding black women (and others) images of us living squalid lives?
Hi five, Winnowill, from a Psychology major. :-)
I agree w/OP that weight isn't as important, phenotypically, as general appearance is. I know that I am horrible at guessing people's weights, so I try not to, even when asked. I don't know if anyone is really good at guessing weights because it does depend on body make-up, height, etc.
Lol Siditty, people have the same weight-guessing problem with me. Recently two different people thought it was a perfectly reasonable guess to say that I weigh 75lbs. (I'm 5'3''.) I was like wtf; shouldn't I be dead right now?
"Well, if they've survived all that, there's no reason not to heap even more on us. Time out for this nonsense, and time to move on to some uplifting and EMPOWERING stories for and about us."
Roslyn,
THANK YOU. BW have so much potental and there is so much opportunity for one as a BW that we miss those opportunities when we focus on the negatives against us.
One thing is to identify the immediate dangers towards BW and deal with those.
I think that BW's number one problem is the toxic and parasitic behavior of BM. Once as a BW you realise that the burden of the BM is not yours to carry, you will feel free indeed. You need to be carrying your own load which the BM is not helping you with.
Once BW realize that their unconditional support for the BM is actually harming them and they do something about it, they will be on their way to true emancipation.
Personally that is why I have no more sympathy for the BM's plight and I feel truly free at peace with myself. There are laws in place and if the BM is wronged he can access those laws to seek justice for himself. Even the rest of society is more sympathetic to the BM than the BW. The liberals are ready to jump onto his side. When have those liberals supported a BW in need?
Unless you are his spouse and child, I think you should concentrate on taking care of your immediate own which the BM does all the time.
Yes we still live in a system that is oppressive in many ways, but you better seek justice and fairness for yourself before wasting your energies on those that never return the favor.
I am foreign but I got caught into this whole sympathy for the BM that most BW are trapped in, yet when does the BM offer support for the BW?
How many tragic stories of lone Black women out there fighting the system by themselves do you know? Plenty. If you can't learn that when you get caught in the system you are by yourself from those cases, then you are in for a lifetime of dissappointment.
Its time BW learnt to harness their individual energies and form more concrete bonds with like minded people of all backgrounds than remaining deluded that the Black cause is their own.
People are going to think what they want to think about BW. The image of Michelle Obama may inspire some people, but it doesn't mean that her presence will single-handedly influence the warped perception that some people have of BW. The most that we can do is live our lives to the highest standards and be accountable for our own actions. "Precious" doesn't represent ALL BW and anyone who chooses to think that after they see this movie is ignorant and narrow minded. They probably had that way of thinking anyway. It's not the BW's job to convert some people into believing that we are just as intelligent, loving and feeling as any other woman.
Post a Comment