2010-01-04

How To Get Black Women




I figured since I gave black women free advice, it is now time for the white men to get their free advice.

White men, even though you don't know it, you want a black woman. All of you do. In matter of fact, you might be thinking, "Black women are hot, but I don't know how to approach them?" Well let me tell you how it's done. With these moves, black women will be throwing themselves at you.

1. Black women love ebonics, so you should approach them in that manner. We love using our own "black vernacular", all of us. We think it is sexy when you learn our "black language".

2. Treat us as if we should be grateful to be with you. You're white after all, making you a catch. Black women should be throwing their panties at you.

3. If you approach a black women, make sure you try to connect with her through her blackness. Tell her how much you like Jay Z or some type of hip hop. Tell her your favorite show is "Good Times", and that you always had a crush on Thelma or Wilona.

4. Also to get to know her better, ask her questions about "black people", she understands how all black people think. We're all the same.

5. After you offer to pay for her food, treat her essentially like a prostitute. Offer sex in the car, you don't feel like driving all the way back to your place, after all you paid for some Chick-fil-A, and that chicken sandwich ain't cheap. We will love this idea, after all we ordered waffle fries too. We are all Jezebels, and yes we're wild in bed, or in this case a car.

6. Be sure to tell her she's not like the other black people you've met because she's employed, childless, and doesn't speak ebonics. Which is true, since most blacks are unemployed, pop out babies, and don't understand proper English.

7. Make sure to show her how colorblind you are by indicating we are all the same color in the dark. That's hot.

8. If you guys get serious, avoid your family and friends like the plague, just because she is this awesome person who you find beautiful inside and out, she should be a dirty secret, after all, she's black, and who wants to hassle with the parents, am I right?

9. If you start to get serious with a black girl, let her know you can never marry her, you just want to keep things as they are, who the hell marries black women? Certainly not white men. She should be grateful you even looked in her black direction, much less wanted to be involved with her at all.

10. If you can't tell, you're not supposed to take this seriously.

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